DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

I really don’t understand how you can condone this! £1.5k and your DH is supporting them, no wonder he’s pissed off! It’s irrelevant that they’ve not had a holiday for a long time, plenty of families never have a holiday! Tell your sister to sort her shit out and support herself!

We are getting about £350 below market rent. It's the only financial support we provide but some small support in the past but these are really small things, paying for shopping, birthday gifts.

What percentage is that in terms of rent? Does it cover mortgage etc

then is she a good tenant?

So let me get this straight- your household is missing out on £350 due to charging rent at a lower price. You refuse to work which i think is terrible it may well be stressful but that's life. Bills still need to be paid. That £350 could go towards your own household expenses so yes I can see why he would be resentful of both you and your sister. You're both taking the piss. Also what if he decides tomorrow that his mental health has taken a nose dive. How will bills get paid then ?

Are you struggling financially yourselves at the minute? Do you need the increase on rent?
If he's seething and annoyed I can understand if you're struggling while supporting her with reduced rent and she's going away on holiday, but seething isn't going to help anything. If you need her to pay more that's a conversation you can have. I don't know if I would look at reducing rent as financially supporting someone - surely that's more along the line of just looking after family, but you know what your financial situation is and what changes are needed.

£350 a month below market rent is a pretty large amount.

I'm not surprised your husband is unhappy with things as they stand, especially if he is the only person in your household contributing financially.

Yabu and I think you need to have a conversation with him about making changes so he feels less of the financial strain

He should start charging her the full market rate, then you can make even more snide remarks about him. Both the sister and the lazy OP are taking him for a ride, we could all claim we can't work and tick the usual boxes.

My thoughts exactly.

Tough if you find work "stressful" - join the club!!! My MH has suffered as have a lots of mums, but we have to get on with it.

Your H supports you, the children and your sister. Unfair.

That’s over £4 a year!!! That comes out of your family finances..
Your OH has every right to be livid. An absolute piss take and you are complicit

That’s 4,200 every year OP that’s not going into your own family, surely you can see that’s not right especially when your OH is the sole earner.
It must really grieve him to see your sister swanning off on a holiday which he has in effect paid for, it’s madness!

Oh right! £350 is really generous. Does your sister know how generous your DH is being? Has she ever offered to increase the rent if she has free cash around (£1.5k holiday… plus spending money for a week (which isn’t a mini break))

That’s not slightly below market rate.

I can see why it might not have seemed a problem to be going on holiday, as you aren’t literally handing her £350 a month, which she’s then blowing on a holiday. In that instance, I would be fuming! However, it certainly seems time to up the rent you receive, as it appears she can afford to pay more.

I wonder how many men find going to work 'stressful' but have to go nevertheless. Too many women seem to consider contributing to the family finances optional.

He’s right

thats not a small amount and if you’re DH resents it then either the support needs to stop or you need to get a job and pay for it yourself.

That 'only' £350 per month gift to her would go a long way to paying for household help to enable you to go to work without the inevitable 'stress' .

You've said the only financial help you/your husband give to your sister is allowing her to stay in a property that you own, which also benefits you/your husband. So how is your husband threatening to stop supporting your sister? Is he saying that because she went on holiday, she must move out of the property when she comes back?

Also, about the WFH - your husband sounds like an arsehole and it would be great idea if you could get set up to support yourself financially just in case you have to leave him.

He’s 100% right. She’s freeloading and you need a job. Poor guy.

Yes but your husband doesn't get the option to not work, does he? If he ever has mental health issues, it's tough shit, he has to keep calm and carry on because he's supporting you and your children and subsidising your sister's family.

Of course he's had enough.

Per month or per year?

Good point, well made re tax. He isn’t ‘supporting’ your sister, he benefits from rent on his property that is no doubt more than covering the mortgage or he wouldn’t do it.

OP how about you get a job and support your sister ,Give your husband a break .

If that's monthly, it's a lot more than just below market rent. He should get the he'll iut of there, take the kids 50 50 and you can sort your own family out.

£350 might be a lot, or it might be inconsequential. It all depends on many factors. Flats my size in my area rent for a min. of £1600per month. My mortage is half that, so even if I rented it out and knocked £350pm off the market rate, the rent would still cover the mortgage and more. Plus I'd have a reliable tenant who took care of the property, always paid the rent on time and I wouldn't have to pay a letting agent outrageous fees to "manage" the property.

So if the OP's immediate family has sufficient income to support themselves without this extra £350pm, then I think the OP's DH is being unreasonable about his SIL's holiday. BUT, it's not unreasonable for him to be stressed and frustrated at being the only breadwinner in his household. It can feel like a lot of pressure and perhaps this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.