Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

‘Utterly chilling’ is a bit of a stretch. And I don’t think it centres the need of the adult, I’m saying the adult can be used to facilitate conversation IF it’s required / desired by a child.

I do actually work with children - I’m not a teacher, interestingly I work with children with very complex social and emotional backgrounds 😅 perhaps I’m just most comfortable with these conversations and have seen time and time again that when children are given space to talk, both in structured and organic situations its benefits them hugely.

I was simply suggesting this situation COULD provide an organic opportunity to give that space, and for their peers to understand their experience more, without been overtly focused on what’s actually happened.

mothers day is unavoidable, I personally feel it does children a disservice to ignore it completely 🤷‍♀️

I think hyperbolic claims such as calling me chilling is crazy! I simply have a differing opinion, and I feel I have the qualifications to voice it in a debate. When posting on these forums I think it’s important to remember it’s okay to disagree and in real life it’s okay to handle situations differently. It doesn’t make a person evil because they would handle something differently to you!

If you reread my actual post I’ve suggested a nuanced approach is the best way forwards, as with almost all things in life…

I am more bothered about your comment that just because the teacher doesn't have children, she doesn't know the value of a handmade card? What a stupid and insensitive thing to say! You want a card and now you're blaming the teacher for it?

@WarmthAndDepth

Warm and depth

Isn't it a simple fact that mothers provide a huge amount of nature and care for youn children and it will ever be thus? I just think it is refreshingly uncynical to have kids make cards thanking non for their love and support. Yes there are complexities in life but that is life. I don't think schools suppress mothers day but I don't see a problem with a little support for the day.

Exactly this. Then someone will be on here moaning about those who don’t have parents and how out of order school is. Parents need to parent, schools are there to educate.

@Waitingforthecold

Given the fact you say you work with children with very complex social and emotional backgrounds, the laughing emoji in your post is worrying....

That was due to the fact I’d just been called ‘chilling’ and ‘gross’ … so more of a laugh in disbelief and despair that I’ve dedicated my training and career to being able to sensitively navigate these exact situations, only to be told on mumsnet that I’m evil after I try to voice my opinion very level headedly!

OP I’m sorry you have so little empathy for children who don’t live with their mom. These are children who have experienced trauma at an incredibly young age—an experience that profoundly impacts their psychological development and follows them into adulthood. I suggest you educate yourself on the effects of trauma before lamenting that an educational institution didn’t meet your expectations of handicrafts. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk is a good place to start.

Your not-so-veiled reference to the teacher being child-free or childless is both abhorrent and misogynistic: "I can't help but think that due to this, she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card." The teacher may be struggling with infertility or facing other personal reasons that make Mother’s Day difficult. Your assumption is insensitive at best and harmful at worst.

On a personal level, following the passing of my sister, I am extremely grateful to the school and teacher of her bereaved daughter who deal sensitively and compassionately in the lead up to Mother's Day. The principle arranged a raised flower bed which serves as a memorial to my sister. It is an annual tradition that my niece plants a new plant. She will start secondary school this year and the principle has kindly offered for her return to tend to her Mom's garden and continue her tradition.

@Gsheib I am sorry for your loss 💐.
What a lovely thing for the school to do.

To be honest my eldest is in FS2 and I thought I wouldn't get anything this year as I thought they would avoid it for all the reasons listed.

We used to get lots of crafts from nursery. I nudged DH last weekend when kids were doing some crafts as I do love the handmade crafts.

However yesterday DS did come home with a made card for Mother's Day but I have a feeling he's made it after school club. Either way it's lovely. But I was not expecting school to make one.

I agree with a lot of what you say, but I don't think that not making mothers day cards in a school lesson is "ignoring it completely".

And I'm also not sure that a class of 30 kids is the place to open those conversations for kids that need to have them.

This stopped around age 6 with my children (unless they happened to be in an arts and crafts club at the time)

The curriculum is packed!

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos you're right, the ignoring it comment was reference to someone saying it should be ignored. And I don’t feel strongly one way or another about card making in schools!

im also not expecting the teacher to to facilitate such a complex conversation in front of 30 kids - im imagining a situation where 6-8 children are making cards at the ‘craft’ station in a early years classroom, I’d also expect a very upset child to be removed and comforted privately. But my main crux is a child making a card for someone who isn’t a typical mother on Mother’s Day isn’t a terrible thing and is an opportunity (there will be many during school life) to support their emotions and the developing empathy, understanding and compassion of their peers

For those of you saying that teachers are there to teach, this is a wonderful learning opportunity. It encompasses British Values in so many ways and also art, crafts, maths and history so actually isn’t a waste of time. For children with no mother there will be an equivalent who the card could be given to so nobody would be excluded or upset and again what a great way to introduce diversity.
I don’t mean to derail the thread but not using educational opportunities like this could go some way to explaining why our education system is so broken.

I think we can overthink a simple joy and a demonstration of gratitude to someone who does a lot of underappreciated work and provides in the majority of cases unconditional love, the nother.

I get teachers are busy and it is technically not part of the job description but is it a stretch to say allowing a couple of hours for kids to write something nice to for their non instead of Roman history is the end of the world?

I am sure it adds to a schools gratitude to parents who support the school through taxes, PTA etc. as well as getting their children fed and dressed and ready for a days education. I think there is something nicely human about it all.

A lot is being made about bereaved children but I don't think this can be an arriving reason for suggesting schools completely ignore mother's day. This is not an act of being deliberately callous but an acknowledgment for a lot of mothers that card may mean something and I have kept a lot of my kids primary school cards because he's they do now have a little sentimental value. You know that card from a child may just help a mother's mood when she is a bit down or just brighten her day a little. The kid gets for bunk how much his mother means in his or her life. Seems a really good idea to me.

British values, history

Mothers day was about servants visiting the mother church 3 Sundays before easter - as they'd be working in the big house o Easter Sunday and not able to visit their own parish "mother" church

Or perhaps they put the children's needs above their parents wants. As previous posters have mentioned, some kids don't have parents, live in foster care or have tricky parental situations, etc.

Why are you getting so defensive about people disagreeing with you, OP?

DT’s never made one at school. DH got the craft supplies out and made it with them one weekend when I was given the heads up to make myself scarce for a couple of hours. I did the same with the DT’s when it was Fathers Day.

I'm inclined to agree but the government and, particularly, some Academy Trusts have crammed the curriculum full of other stuff. As an Early years teacher I could be more creative until an Academy took over the school and wanted teaching more or less from a script.

The minority in this case have experienced significant trauma.

I got a gift from my child’s school after the organised yet another exclusive event. I have actually complained this year and said enough.

Stop centring the adults.

An equivalent to a mother? Sufficiently equivalent that nobody would feel excluded or upset? I doubt it.

Absolutely.

It encompasses British Values in so many ways

What would that be? Emotions generated by Hallmark cards? Be nice to your mother one day a year? That's what Mothers' Day says to me.I hate Mothers day- so did my own mother and my mother in law.

The origin of going to your "mother church" long disappeared.

How dare schools not use a child’s grief as a learning opportunity. Shocking!

schools will know their pupils and will make decisions based on the cohort they have