Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

I love that you’re trying to say this concern is for all the single mothers like you’re some sort of saint of single motherdom, when in reality you’re just another parent whingeing schools aren’t doing enough over something pathetic. Schools are there to teach. The curriculum is so packed it’s near impossible. Moan at the government to condense the curriculum if you want a card that badly.

Teaching kids to value their mothers/carers can only be a good thing. Something society lacks

Yes, this is also how I feel about it.

Mine has never brought one home from school, nursery yes and now Brownies.
Not the schools job to be making these, surely they can get a piece of paper and some crayons at home to make one?
My stepsister is a single mum and her kids make her a card at home.

It also appears to lack compassion and bigger picture thinking.

It’s not just about children who’ve lost their mothers. It’s also about abuse, care orders, neglectful mothers, there are ways to teach and model valuing others and it starts with just that - valuing others.

Have you listened to anyone who has been in or had children in this position that has posted on here? A lot of these children feel the loss greatly and can see their peers still have their parent, they don’t need to be reminded of this further.
Honestly, this reminds me of a father of one of my child’s friends who cornered me in the playground to ask me to ask my DC to stop talking about their dad dying as it was upsetting his daughter. They were 4 at the time.

Not all mothers provide a huge amount of nuture and care. Some are abusive, some are neglectful, some have addiction issues. I actually think it's potentially more damaging to teach children that they need to appreciate their mother no matter what treatment they receive.

I have to agree with this.

Interestingly this is a slight contradiction - if you go on to read my other contributions I am suggesting that doing activities like this lay foundations for children to feel comfortable talking about and feeling complex topics and emotions. So hopefully I don’t continue to remind you of that dad

@Waitingforthecold I'm sure children who have lost a parent have frequent reminders of the fact that their friends still have loving parents. At parties, sleep overs, at the school gates etc they will see other children interacting with their mums. I don't think it needs a special day just to make sure they're reminded of it and to highlight that they are different from everyone else.

Also I really hope all these parents who are expecting the school to teach their children how to respect and value their parents are also spending time teaching their children to respect and value their teachers. Teachers don't get a special appreciation day with cards made for them and presents etc.

I’m been really misunderstood here. A) no one is forcing them to take part (hopefully) and B) perhaps more importantly, I am suggesting that semi structured activities like these where an adult is present to facilitate nuanced conversation are exactly the building blocks that will help children face the other difficult situations AND begin to give their peers tools to support them through that

Oh come off it.

Of course you're bothered if you went to the trouble of making a thread about it.

TBH though, mothers day cards and the like are only really done in the very bottom end of the school. After that it's assumed kids will make their own if they feel like it.
There could also be personal circumstances within the class why the teacher didn't want to give time to it. Perhaps she's recently lost her own mother or grandmother? Maybe there's a couple of kids in the class without mothers? I know of a class where one boy has two adoptive dads, and another little boy whose mum died about 8 weeks ago.

Doing activities like making a Father’s Day cards, when they had just lost their father, and they were in a class full of children that had their fathers was not laying the foundations for children to feel comfortable with this. They had counselling for this and it was done at such at time as they were ready after their bereavement with experts in the field of bereavement.
Honestly, you seem tone death to all the people who have experienced this. I am coming off this thread now as it is just making me angry and upset and to think that you work with children.

I’m sorry it’s upset you, I understand it’s an emotive topic but that doesn’t mean we, as adults can’t have differing opinions without insulting each other. Not every way is going to work for every kid and as previously mentioned parents and teachers know the kids and what is or isn’t appropriate.

but I am good at my job, and I know what I’m saying makes sense. I think I will also come off this thread because it seems to have descended (quite quickly) in to personal attack and insults towards anyone that has different thoughts or would act differently to you (and other posters).

we are adults, this is a conversation, we can politely and respectfully disagree and when willing to listen we can learn things from each other

I don't think people misunderstanding you, just disagreeing with what you are writing. I think those conversations about different families will happen organically without having a particular day when it becomes painfully clear which children have loving mothers and which don't.

Also I'm not a teacher but I really feel quite sorry for teachers reading this thread - they are not trained therapists and it's not their responsibility to facilitate these nuanced conversations about death or neglect.

My y3 DD did a card at school. I hate mother's day, I lost my mum at 12 and have a very turbulent relationship with my stepmum. I can both understand that the world doesn't revolve around me, and find the activities and fuss reinforce my grief.

It's a little better now I have children of my own but still bittersweet.

Misunderstood in that I’m not suggesting we force every child to make a Mother’s Day card - not wanting to is reason enough not to take part in that activity, trauma or not!

What I am saying is that I don’t think it’s an activity that needs to be shied away from because of personal experience and I do think when you look deeper there are lots of positives to facilitating activities like these!

I agree regarding teachers, they are pushed beyond their limits in lots of areas, SEMH being one of these. But I think any adult could help a child navigate a difficult feeling (if the child WANTED to), I’m not talking about turning it in to a therapy session.

I imagine it going like this -

area to make cards is set up for children to approach if they want to, child approaches and says they’d like to make a card but there mum died recently, teacher says ‘we can still make a card for your mum, would you like to tell me your favourite thing about her?’

positives - child has a meaningful conversation about their mum which no one can deny is a positive thing, other children witness how to tactfully and thoughtfully talk to this child about there mum - I’m not saying they’d get it straight away, I’m saying is an everyday activity where small exposure can happen and after all small exposure is how we learn.

I really hope that makes sense to where I’m coming from - like I said, we don’t need to agree and you can always make it clear if you don’t want your child exposed if you think they aren’t ready. But I don’t think we can call me chilling, evil, weird etc etc. for having my outlook on it.

Do you work with vulnerable children?

Ignore my last question you’ve just answered.

Do you think not wanting to take part is the issue for children with absent / dead / abusive mothers?

There may be children who have lost their mothers and the teacher is being sensitive to their needs.

I think loads of kids wouldn’t want to take part - kids with trauma, kids that hate craft etc.

and I think loads of kids wouldn’t want to - equally those with trauma and those that like craft etc.

There will always be a number of children in each class who do not have/have no access to a mother.

I think it’s right that schools don’t highlight the day (ditto Father’s Day).

It’s for your partner or family to prompt your kids.

Christ on a bike! Some people really do have main character syndrome!