Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

I disagree. I don't think making a Mother's Day card is an opportunity to show empathy, it's unnecessary and cruel. In this example ignoring it seems the better option.

Have you experienced the loss of a parent at a young age or had close contact with a child who has? I ask because whilst, yes, children do need to learn that not everyone’s circumstances are the same as their own, this really isn’t a way to achieve that for a grieving 4 year old.

But, but, poor single mothers need a Mother’s Day card, so the 4 year old should just get over it.

I don't think it's a teacher's responsibility but I think it's right that schools acknowledge their place in community and community to a large extent is based on family . I think mother's day offers opportunities for young children to reflect on familial relationships and their importance. I don't think it is a bad thing educationaly that children learn to articulate gratitude and love toward parents. (God knows they are going to spend long enough learning about dysfunctional families when they hit Hamlet at secondary school).

I can understand teachers are overburdened do to an extent not prioritising mothers day may be understandable but I do wonder whether reluctance to get involved in he celebration of mother's day is a projection of teacher's personal views. There does seem to be a reluctance in some quarters to celebrate British culture and it's religious roots. It is a teacher 's role to reach personal development where a lot of the more negative features of human relationships are discussed so is it not a bad thing to be slightly less cynical and celebrate what essentially should be a positive relationship at the heart of the human condition?

I find this utterly chilling and quite gross.

Do you work with children, Waiting? What you are proposing is entirely inappropriate, insensitive and obliviously thick-skinned on your behalf. It centres the need of the adult -I sincerely hope you can see that- and rides roughshod over the child's integrity. Yes, even very young, vulnerable children in your loco parentis care during the school day are deserving of the dignity of not having well-meaning or just unbearably clumsy adults engage them about their circumstances when there literally is nowhere for them to go. Your post reeks of adult exceptionalism and saviourism -and contrary to what you seem to believe, demonstrates a complete failure of empathy and imagination.

I'm a primary school teacher and not one of my colleagues would even begin to think along the lines you suggest.

Obviously going children lose parents and that is a great tragedy but are we beat served by using this to suppress an activity that could bring joy to a lot of mother s that tirelessly being up their children undergoing the daily chores of dressing and feeding their offspring. Is it such a bad thing that we celebrate mothers and the underappreciated work they do at least once a year. We have national observances for fallen soldiers which schools encourage so why not pay due respect to Mother's day?

Children with dead parents should be offered support and counselling but I don't think it's a lack of empathy to go ahead with encouraging children to appreciate their mothers and think about gratitude to someone who makes daily sacrifices on their behalf. Maybe there is a child who would love to make a card because their mother is a cleaner and works incredibly long shifts to support them and they do see this or a child that remembers the angst and tears of a mother who has nursed them through illness. I think there is an element of shielding children from human tragedy which may not ultimately be a good thing in every circumstance.

When my daughter was in year 2 one of her friends lost his mother to cancer. So who was he going to make a mother's day card for? so yes you're being unreasonable.

Mothers day is a made up day by card companies
How on earth do you compare mothers with fallen soldiers? What a ridiculous statement. I am a mother of 3 and I don't need a national day to 'celebrate'me

I think the question is how you draw the line about dealing with the sensitivities of grief with young children. Understandably it is an incredibly emotive topic but would you for instance prevent parents attending plays or sporting events as those children without parents would feel sad? Do you avoid topics involving death at school for sensitivity reasons as that is frankly impossible.

statistically there probably is at least one child in a class who has lost a parent or has an estranged relationship but should we simply not acknowledge national events because this is the case? Personally I feel suppressing mothers day for these reasons possibly is misguided.

Not making cards is not "suppressing Mother's Day"!

Icecreamscoops

Mother's day is a Christian tradition going back centuries and I believe it is a national holiday in the US. The idea is to celebrate motherhood and allow children to express gratitude to their parents through a small gift. It is not about parents aggrandizing themselves but just a simple celebration about a vital and unappreciated role in society. This to my mind is not a bad thing.

we don't suddenly stop celebrating Christmas because of the over commercialisation of the event so I think the same argument applies to Mother's day. I brought up remembrance day as you can see how schools have a role in maintaining culture and engagement with important events that are important to everyone.

"Primary School teachers suppress Mother's Day" sounds like a good tabloid headline. They should use it!

Yes. Nothing else to add.

all this mother's day angst on here these days. Are there actually mothers who do not stress about mothers day? My DC's school did rarely something (and DH usually forgets) and I don't think it's a big deal. It's just largely a commercial exercise anyways.

My two youngest (year 5 and year 1) have made them this year. In 12 years of being a school parent irs. Een hit and moss whether they've done it. Some years I've had three. Other years I've had none. Of course it's nice to get one but I don't bat an eyelid the years I don't, and they y just make me ones themselves (they usually make.me.a other one at home anyway). The years I haven't had one from school, I imagine they've not had the time, had other priorities, have sensitive situations within the class and wouldn't dream of bringing it up.

Me. I think it's pointless. I send my mum a card, but we don't do presents and my kids make me cards ar school or home, but I'd rather it just not be a thing.

The Christian tradition of Mothering Sunday is for honouring “mother churches”.

Setting that aside, and more generally and not specifically in response to this (although it is relevant), it’s entirely possible to approach things with nuance. A very personal celebration of one’s own mother, in a class with recently bereaved child? Maybe skip making a Mother’s Day card in those circumstances. The logical conclusion of that isn’t to ban nativity plays or Remembrance Sunday or culture…

It's up to the parents to decide how to teach kids which occasions to mark and how. Sadly, that includes single mothers around mother's day (and single fathers around fathers day) regardless of who they have to help them do this at home.

If schools can find the time and resources to do this then great. But they have a lot to do and a lot of children to accommodate. What about kids with no mum? Do they make those kids make mother's day cards as part of the lesson or exclude them (and same come fathers day etc.)?

@mids2019 Meh, Mother's Day isn't a 'national event'. It's a private family matter. It's origins, Mothering Sunday, might be an interesting entry point for exploring female servitude historically for much older pupils, but Mother's Day as we currently see it can simply be observed -or not- within the context of the family.

And the comparison with observance of Remembrance Day, which is a national event, doesn't sit quite right, although the same degree of sensitivity to loss should apply. I work with many children of asylum-seeking families who have experienced bereavement as a result of armed conflict, the majority of whose family members were killed while supporting the British Army and working for British interests overseas. As a result, we observe Remembrance with a firm focus on 'Never Again', peace, hope and conflict resolution.

You asked if you were being unreasonable, people gave their opinions and then you attack everyone that doesn't agree with you. If you had already made up your mind you were right no matter what, then what's the point in your post?

I am a teacher of 6-7 year olds and this year they did a Mother's day Writing activity, writing various things about their Mum for example a special memory they had with her, why they love her etc.

In previous years I have skipped it if a child in the class's Mum has died. Also if you do something for mother's day it's only right to do something for father's day so then that can open another can of worms.

The curriculum is already jam packed so I would 100% not expect the school to make anything for mother's day and if they happened to then that's a bonus.

Teacher here…
I have a very young class with 2 children who have recently lost their mothers so there is absolutely no way I could have done this as a class activity. None of the kids even asked about it as they are aware how upsetting it could be for others.
And apart from anything else - we actually don’t have any card in school!!

Usually this is only done at nursery and maybe reception. As they get older it’s just not something that is school’s responsibility plus there could be a child in your dc’s class for whom Mothering Sunday, to give it it’s proper name, is tough. I remember my teacher talking to us when I was 7 or 8 to explain we should be extra nice to the boy whose mum had died that year, the school/pta sent flowers for his dad that Friday before to mark the “first” which they were really touched with and then we were super jealous because they headed off to Florida, long before ordinary families ever went.

Akm89

Could it be said though thanksgiving children an opportunity to reflect on their mother and yes personally articulate love is not a bad thing? Mothers day is in a sense a national celebration or event and I think it is not unreasonable for schools to support traditions surrounding it. Mothering is an unpaid job involving a lot of personal sacrifice so is it really such a bad thing to allow young children to reflect on this?

I think the grief sensitivity question is a challenge and I don't think people are unsutmpathetic. I just think we have to think whether some sort of blanket ban on card making exercises is the right approach for this. In fact of it becomes knowledge that mother's days cards aren't being made because of a certain child's circumstances doesn't this focus undue attention on the child?

Not read the whole thread but I used to volunteer at the primary school PTA and each mothers or fathers day the volunteers would go out and buy suitable gifts, enough for every single child. The kids/parents are asked to bring in £1 and they'd be allowed to choose a gift. This helps those who are single parents to be able to receive a little something. Or those whose other parent forgot to take their kids out to buy a present/card. Some children forgot their £1, the PTA would still allow the children to choose something to take home. The children loved it.

The onus isn't on the school to do this as it takes time away from teaching but volunteer parents did this for the community. Perhaps rather than asking and putting pressure on the teachers or complaining, maybe parents could help out at the PTA to do something like this.

@mids2019 Are you in the UK? Maybe this is regional, but where I am, families and thinking around this calendar event seems to have moved on to a much more open interpretation of what acknowledging the care and nurturing we may traditionally have associated with a mother's role might look like. No-one is suppressing anything, just thinking more and engaging faculties of empathy. And no, literally no kid ever is going to antagonise another as a result of card-making not happening. Unless they pick up on that pernicious attitude from their parents. And that would be pathetic.