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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say I’ve had enough of adhd

106 replies

Adhdohno · 28/03/2025 19:56

I am ready to leave it’s been 20 years, my oh has adhd I have had enough- 5 times today I’ve had to stop what I’m doing to fetch my 1 year old off the stairs as oh keeps forgetting to close the safety gate.
he can’t find anything, I’ve spent 20 years finding his things, same story every morning can’t find his keys, accuses me of hiding them. Today I have sat watching him look for his shoe when I can clearly see it. I’m at my wits end.
the baby has tipped a full glass of juice over himself what oh has left on the floor, guess who has to change him… while oh simply drys the juice with a towel not actually cleaning it properly. Next the baby has his fingers in a can what oh has left within reach.
he can’t remember a conversation about the kids Easter eggs what we had yesterday.
to top it all off my eldest son also has adhd and the noise is driving me insane.

OP posts:
Pinkelephant66 · 28/03/2025 19:57

Sounds like laziness to me

spinningplates2024 · 28/03/2025 20:04

Is he taking meds or aware of the impact?

Mightymoog · 28/03/2025 20:08

what symptoms of ADHD does he have?

Adhdohno · 28/03/2025 20:12

No not taking meds,
my son is though but his wear off after school.
the usual symptoms can’t concentrate, interrupts, jittery, hyperactive, needs constant stimulation, looses everything, forgets everything, he’s very annoying
I don’t think he cares tbf

OP posts:
Winifredtabago · 28/03/2025 20:14

Leave him then. Sounds like you would be happier without him

AssassinsBlade · 28/03/2025 20:14

I’ve had enough of it too. Unfortunately I can’t leave myself, so I’m stuck with it.

MissAndrey · 28/03/2025 20:15

Why did you stand by watching him search for his shoe when you knew where it was all along?

WeeOrcadian · 28/03/2025 20:16

MissAndrey · 28/03/2025 20:15

Why did you stand by watching him search for his shoe when you knew where it was all along?

Edited

Because he's a grown up and not a toddler throwing a tantrum

brombatz · 28/03/2025 20:16

I have adhd, so know exactly what you're seeing but really I also have strategies...women with adhd tend to have to have them as they tend not to have someone to pick their shit up...

Jaz111 · 28/03/2025 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/03/2025 20:20

Once there wasn't anybody in my life to save me from locking myself out or getting stranded, I really surprised myself with how effective it was to train my muscle memory and design my path in and out of the house in a way that worked with my instincts.

I have no conscious memory of how they get there, but my work pass, work keys/fob, house keys, bag, bank cards, hearing aid, phone, hairbrush, coat and shoes are exactly where I need them every morning. It's as though fairies have taken them away from me as I walk in and lovingly placed them in just the right location every morning.

It's like magic.

The rest of the time, emails are put onto scheduled send so they aren't forgotten after the reports have been run, reminders ping up on my phone and work email with a week, two days, one day, six hours, three hours, one hour and ten minutes before, all my bills just get paid automatically and things like food, cat food/litter, medication, toiletries and cleaning products turn up like the piskies have been shopping for me.

OK, so the fact I'm actually awake in the morning is because DP makes me open my eyes at least twice after I've zoned out or fallen back asleep again and I completely meltdown if he hasn't followed the clean as you go method of cooking is proof that you can't fix everything - just as being incapable of doing anything of note in the evenings or weekends is - but the day to day shite has been covered since the times when I didn't have anybody else to bail me out anymore.

Adhdohno · 28/03/2025 20:24

@MissAndrey because as I say I have spent the past 20 years finding shit for him that is there in plain sight and I have had enough I’m only human and I’m tired of it.

OP posts:
FishfingerFlinger · 28/03/2025 20:25

WeeOrcadian · 28/03/2025 20:16

Because he's a grown up and not a toddler throwing a tantrum

Would you be like this if he were blind? ADHD affects working memory, losing stuff, putting stuff down and forgetting it is part of it. It’s frustrating yes, it is frustrating to have ADHD and constantly lose stuff.

Have you worked with him to introduce strategies that help avoid this? Everything set of keys in our house has an AirTag attached. Bright coloured case on my phone so it’s easy to find when I put it down somewhere and forget about it. Visual reminders (eg checklists before leaving the house). Spares of things I’m liable to lose.

spinningplates2024 · 28/03/2025 20:26

AssassinsBlade · 28/03/2025 20:14

I’ve had enough of it too. Unfortunately I can’t leave myself, so I’m stuck with it.

Me too 😂 meds have really helped me though. I’m still messy and fairly chaotic but I do most of my children’s admin and have a job with significant responsibility so I tend to focus on that. I think knowing and understanding my profile of strengths and deficits and appreciating both of these and planning around that has been key. Not that anyone asked 😂

SunnieShine · 28/03/2025 20:31

AssassinsBlade · 28/03/2025 20:14

I’ve had enough of it too. Unfortunately I can’t leave myself, so I’m stuck with it.

Me, too, it's a royal pain in the bum. 😒

ERthree · 28/03/2025 20:32

Adhdohno · 28/03/2025 20:24

@MissAndrey because as I say I have spent the past 20 years finding shit for him that is there in plain sight and I have had enough I’m only human and I’m tired of it.

I think you are a saint. I wouldn't have last 2 weeks with someone that won'thelp themselves.

AssassinsBlade · 28/03/2025 20:34

ERthree · 28/03/2025 20:32

I think you are a saint. I wouldn't have last 2 weeks with someone that won'thelp themselves.

It’s can’t, not won’t.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/03/2025 20:35

I’m not sure why you’ve stayed 20 years and at least 2 kids but better to leave late never. Is this a rant or are you going to dump him?

nachoaverageusername · 28/03/2025 20:36

I have adhd and I have tools I use and procedures in place so I’m not a nightmare to live with. I never left the stair gate open. adhd people CAN concentrate, it sounds like he doesn’t care.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/03/2025 20:36

AssassinsBlade · 28/03/2025 20:34

It’s can’t, not won’t.

You don’t know that. You’ve never met him.

Sometimeswinning · 28/03/2025 20:37

FishfingerFlinger · 28/03/2025 20:25

Would you be like this if he were blind? ADHD affects working memory, losing stuff, putting stuff down and forgetting it is part of it. It’s frustrating yes, it is frustrating to have ADHD and constantly lose stuff.

Have you worked with him to introduce strategies that help avoid this? Everything set of keys in our house has an AirTag attached. Bright coloured case on my phone so it’s easy to find when I put it down somewhere and forget about it. Visual reminders (eg checklists before leaving the house). Spares of things I’m liable to lose.

Thats his job. He's had years to sort it. Not sure you can compare being blind and adhd?

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 28/03/2025 20:39

My partner has ADHD and he’s well aware we’re remaining child free, as far as I’m concerned. I’m pretty sure I’d be setting myself up for single parenting if we ever had children.

Has he ever considered counselling and/or meds? The waiting list is insane but worth it, eventually.

AssassinsBlade · 28/03/2025 20:40

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/03/2025 20:36

You don’t know that. You’ve never met him.

All the tools in the world won’t mitigate every symptom. If OP is that unhappy then by all means they should leave, but it is considered to be a disability for a reason, and that’s because the person with it will never be able to manage day to day life like those without.

ohyesido · 28/03/2025 20:50

There’s adhd and there’s laziness and using it as an excuse. People with adhd have to at least try to manage it challenging though that can be

Fancycheese · 28/03/2025 20:55

Have you had a conversation about him potentially going on medication or speaking to a professional? I have ADHD and it is debilitating. However, as others have said, I do have strategies in place to help myself. I’m also aware of it and so openly v thankful to my DH when he has to step in.

If he’s not open to getting some help, then maybe leaving is your only option. But I can attest that it’s no fun suffering from ADHD and I (often) “lose” things that are in plain sight! I can imagine it’s not the easiest to live with.

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