Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

Because it’s very cringeworthy. ‘How’s baby today?’ EW! 🤢 You mean ‘the baby’, surely?

OP I was a ‘they’/‘the baby’ person too with my first. It is a bit clumsy. But over soon enough! (Found out with my other 2 so no need for the they/them) Definitely had the same thoughts, a few people thought I meant I was having twins.

Using they when the gender is unknown has been commonplace for ever. It's inly with the recent hate campaign that anyone will notice or think it is making a point.
Carry right on OP, it will weed the arseholse out your friends list nicely........
And fyi everyone- pronouns are not new. Unless you refer to yourself and everyone as an object in conversation? We all use pronouns.

But seriously. I do find referring to someone as they a certain times as they to be hard to get my tongue around. I think it's a situation where I would expect it to be known it feels odd. (But I give zero shuts and would get over it if I actually knew anyone who used it)

But in the case of unknown, like 'whos at the door? I don't know, I'll see what they want'
it is completely uncontroversial and not new, I wouldn't bat an eye.

The maximum time this will go on for is 9 months until they know if the baby is a girl or boy

It does sound odd in this context. I think it’s because the singular they is used when something is of an unknown quantity. So you could easily say ‘I heard someone downstairs, when I came down they ran out of the back door.’

But in this case, the baby isn’t so abstract, therefore using ‘they’ suggests more than one. If you said ‘the appointment went well, the midwife said they are developing nicely’ it immediately sounds like you are having twins.

That is certainly true but the meaning of words changes over time.
I can remember calling people gay meaning they were happy/cheerful. I’m not sure that anyone would assume that meaning from it now.

Take that up with the OED. You are incorrect.

This thread is so tiresome.

Use they/them/their to your heart’s content. You’re fine, OP. And likely regretting opening up your soul to the MNers.

Can you expand? I’m interested in why you think that.

There will be something else ridiculous to follow.

I can understand their confusion.... if I ask " How is the baby?" And got the reply "they are doing well" or something of the sort, I would assume you're having twins.
I'm sure people don't mean anything by it!

One of my friends did this and I kept thinking they were having twins!

Pronouns have been part of our language for centuries.

I had this over 10 years ago OP, long before the pronoun fad. It did feel like people were being deliberately obtuse. Back then it was because people couldn't seem to get their head around us not finding out the sex in advance, rather than an assumption we were being overly woke.

Why use 3 syllables with 'The baby' or 'he or she' when one will do? Especially as it is it was something I was referencing a lot towards the end. To me that would be as strange as using 'should have' instead of 'should've' in everyday speech. Like you, 'it' felt dehumanising, so that was out. The midwives always used 'baby' (no 'the') which I found painfully twee and couldn't bring myself to use, but is probably a reasonable compromise between inoffensive and unambiguous whilst also shaving down the syllables.

I don’t think she has found out

All the examples people have given refer to people who are not present and the person speaking does not know them.

‘They’ve left their coat behind’. We don’t know this person and they aren’t present. But the OP’s baby IS present (albeit currently not visible) and known to the OP and so the use of they is clunky.

I'm embarrassed for those who don't know that they/them is used for one person in certain circumstances. There have been some good examples in this thread.

Clearly she means before pronouns were politicised. When we called female people 'she', male people 'he' and 'they' was a plural term for both sexes; occasionally used for individuals who's sex we were yet to ascertain because we hadn't observed it; but by no means used routinely in place of he or she, as some try to suggest it was, or should be.

I opened this thread to say you are being unreasonable, no one will care but flippin eck!

Calling an unborn baby ‘baby’ is as cringey as ‘bear’ or ‘bean’ or any of those cutesy names. He or she every time is so much effort when there is a grammatically correct option of them / they.

You’re fine, treat this as a test to see who you want to spend time with after the baby is born.

I agree with you @beasmithwentworth

I have never understood why a small minority of people find out the gender of their baby and then decide not to tell anyone else to keep it a 'surprise.' It just comes across as annoying and melodramatic - less about the baby, more about ME, ME, ME.
Then on top of this @Irish24 becoming overly precious about how people refer to their baby, even though they know what they're having.

I didn't find out the gender of either of my babies. I called them 'baby' or a nickname I gave them. What's the big deal about you insisting them/they? Most people seeing a pregnant woman using they/them would assume you're having twins until you corrected them.

This thread is showing more about you than anything else. You are coming across as unnecessarily pedantic.

It isn’t. The point is she doesn’t know whether the baby is a she or he. She hasn’t found out. They is the appropriate natural choice grammatically in this instance.
And until certain people on here started losing their heads over trans people nobody would have batted an eye lid at this.

I always use “she” if it’s not specified as an act of micro feminism. I used “the baby” for my babies -I too think “How’s baby?” is awful, on a par with “How’s mum?” But I do have to say that until recently I have never heard “they” as a gender neutral pronoun, so it does seem a little unreasonable to expect the majority of people to know that it is and not be confused. Particularly when it is still routinely used as a plural. Language is supposed to clarify, not complicate.
I do think that we should come up with a new singular gender neutral pronoun though. It would be so useful.

You’re finding out it’s sex. They’re probably thinking you’re already caught up in to the sex gender business.

I don’t get what’s confusing about it. They is nicer than it.

You’re wrong. People do not use they to refer to someone who is present in the room. Go back to school.

But saying "they/them" in a general way in regard to someone you don't really know isn't a new thing solely to do with being worried about pronouns, it's been around forever like @Irish24 points out. I'm almost 40 and I've always done it and so have my parents. It's not a delicate, PC thing, it's a general way of speaking.