Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

I would say say they too. Don't see the issue.

Jesus it’s a baby!
referring to baby as them/they is just odd

They would, you know. Until very recently, anyone referring to their unborn baby as “they” would have been assumed to be carrying more than one baby.

I don’t think it’s confusing, and should only need confirming once that no, you aren’t having twins.

Yes, “they” is used as a singular. If you say “I’m going to the dr so will see what they say” no one is confused about why you’re seeing two drs, but that’s because the context tells you that “they” is being used to refer to a dr you don’t know the sex of. Whereas “they” in relation to an unborn baby really could mean two babies, so I do understand people checking the first time you say it. But I don’t understand ongoing confusion or not being able to get their head around it.

Hmm...

Sorry-my last post was intended for @GrammarTeacher

Why did you keep on thinking it? I can understand thinking it the first time, but why keep thinking it?

Same here.

I didn't want to know the sex of my baby (sex not gender), so my bump was an "it" until I gave birth. I think @Irish24 is overthinking it.

Using they for someone of unknown gender goes back centuries. People began to object in the 19th century. Grammarians argued in favour of using "he" as it's single, but there were actual legal issues stemming from it! People don't like using "it" for a person.

people don't have to like using "they" for non binary people but it's tiresome that people are using it as a reason to rewrite linguistic history. Using "they" for a known individual isn't the same as the longstanding practice of singular they for an unknown person. It's not confusing at all. Do people regularly think you're asking for multiple people when you say "go to the doctor and ask them what's wrong?"

Amia Srinivasan wrote an interesting article in the LRB a few years back: www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v42/n13/amia-srinivasan/he-she-one-they-ho-hus-hum-ita

No, but ypu are the one with the 'facts', so prove them.

When I had my eldest, by the way, my local NHS trust had a policy of no gender disclosure and I didn't care to pay for a private scan to find out. It didn't confuse anyone. I can't remember now what I called the baby, though, said baby now being a university student.

Yet still both genders are unknown. Regardless of the reason for not knowing the gender (whether it’s an unseen stranger or an unborn child), they/them is grammatically correct.

So surely you never talk about ‘when the baby is here’ or the baby’s arrival’ then??

Also, you know the sex of anyone in a room with you, who is not in a womb. You don’t know the sex of this baby. Hence, they.

I don’t need to. You are wrong in this case. They for an unborn baby is completely grammatically appropriate and always has been.
And has for them ‘being present in the room’. That would be a slippery slope to removing the right to choose.

They/them is fine...

It's actually concerning that so many posters are struggling with this. But then again, the average reading age in the UK is 9.

@pearbottomjeans yes, that phrase is fine. ‘Baby’ is specific and clear. ‘They’ is not.

Why?

People use they as singular when they don’t know the babies gender. I don’t see how this is confusing?

We didn't find out - we really didn't want to. First one was jellybean, second was peanut (what they looked like on scan photos). I wouldn't call one baby 'they' as people would think it was twins

@GrammarTeacher remove the right to choose what?

It isn’t. Posters are trying to make this something it isn’t.

I would if I didn’t know someone’s gender which has happened once or twice.

According to you. Your personal inability to comprehend the English language does not dictate the use of it.

If the baby is present in the room. Then they have existence as an independent being. Pro-Life campaigners would jump on that in a heartbeat.

I can't work out if your use of 'they' here is unintentionally ironic or deliberately making a funny point.

I am finding this thread quite alarming.

I thought we all knew they/them as singular was a proper use of it.