Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

Maybe google stuff before you state it as fact 🤦🏼‍♀️

A quick Google search

Someone left their umbrella on the seat; I hope they come back for it.

Please correct this sentence if it’s wrong.

That's not the first thing that comes up when I search on google

Your quick Google search is “Guidance on gender pronouns” FGS

You don't like the board because the strongly held consensus on there is that TW are not women I assume, since that and all it implies is the main subject discussed on there? If that offends you then I can see why you'd avoid the board. But that doesn't explain why you and (you claim) other women are becoming alienated from identifying as feminists. It's ten or so posters on a board on a chat site, out of a whole big world of women who have for generations identified as feminists. I can't see why you'd want to disassociate based on such a small sample, or why you'd imagine anyone else would. Or do you feel the views of the women on the FWR board reflect the views of the majority of feminists?

You lot must be fucking bored shitless. I worded my search differently.

They/them is not, and never has been a singular pronoun.

It is, and it has been since the 14th century 😉

It’s really refreshing that you are choosing not to know the sex until the baby is born. I really don’t understand all the fuss over it. You get what you get as a surprise! At least, that used to be the way it was…

Chace farm hospital refused to tell me the sex of my first child. They said it was against their policy. My second and third pregnancy I didn't bother to ask as I assumed they wouldn't tell me. I was in a different hospital when I had my next two pregnancies because I moved out of Enfield. My fourth pregnancy I payed for my baby scan so I wanted to know.

It shouldn’t be a problem one way or the other surely?
It’s up to parents whether they choose to find out in advance or not. There should be no judgement either way.
The only time it’s tricky is if one parent wants to find out the sex during scans, but the other doesn’t…

ETA I didn’t know hospitals refused sometimes? Maybe they got it wrong, as can happen occasionally, and landed in hot water as a result 🤔

Because they've literally said they're not finding out the sex of the baby yet?
I really don't get why people find it so hard to understand, I mean people use it all the time in the singular sense to refer to someone they don't know whether they're male or female.

Exactly, and I just realised I did it in my post talking about the OP as well 😁

I didn't want to know and wanted to keep it a surprise until mine were born.
Some people don't want to find out what they're having.
Perfectly normal

Yes, it's ungrammatical. Doesn't mean it's not a valid use of language. I dunno if you've noticed, but English has heaps of irregularities.

Look, my views on trans women and trans men (who no one here ever seems to give a shit about) is not relevant. People are allowed to think whatever they want about whether TWAW is true or not.

My problem with them, is their deliberately spiteful and derogatory way of talking about transgender people and declaring anyone who doesn't agree with them haters of women. My other problem with them is their behaviour, they are aggressive and nasty and bully anyone who doesn't agree with them and people who call out their behaviour. There was a thread in site stuff where a user complained about the caustic atmosphere in FWR and the gang showed up and ripped her to shreds. Displaying exactly the behaviour she complained about. I also have a problem with them spreading their vile views all over the other boards despite being asked not to repeatedly because people don't want to see it. They are militant.

As for just 10 people on a board, they are actually internet famous, their usernames are known everywhere, not just on MN and they have made MN famous as a TERF strong hold. So actually no, it's not just a handful of harmless little ladies talking about feminism that have no impact on what the world thinks about feminism, they have a brand, and the rest of us want nothing to do with it.

If it were the parent talking about their unborn baby, the parent absolutely would say ‘I can’t wait until the baby / it arrives’. They would never say ‘I can’t wait until they / them arrives’.

What? Lots of parents on this thread have said, repeatedly, we would say they/them rather than “the baby”. The whole thread is about a parent saying they! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Remembered I’d had an exchange on here before about a similar issue. Here’s the lovely short thread about a piece of apostrophe homework where I was nearly accused of suggesting squirrels could be non binary, but the misunderstanding was quickly cleared up. So satisfying!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5066751-to-not-understand-this-homework-please-help?page=1

Except that’s not actually what they searched, if you look at the image properly…

Note I’m using “they”, because I have no idea if @Careertimenow is male or female, but I assume they are one singular person 🙃

It clearly says its used when gender is unknown on that search, so use if they in this instance is correct

notacooldad · Yesterday 06:15
I am keeping the gender a surprise
Why the big deal?
@makeyourownmusicandance
I didn't want to know and wanted to keep it a surprise until mine were born
Some people don't want to find out what they're having.
Perfectly normal

Yes I know, I've already responded.
I read it in a different way. I waited until mine were born to see what they were as well.

Read the thread. Or a dictionary.

It’s NOT ungrammatical. It’s grammatically correct.

Nobody I know would ever call their baby it! And you wouldn’t say ‘the baby’ every time! There are loads of examples in this thread of singular ‘they’. Someone saying it wasn’t a thing even used it talking about the OP without realising.