Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

Then please provide an example where it is used in literature/cinema/the stage, as a singular denominator rather than in relation to non-binary.
Prove your assertion

It is tiresome, will annoy people and they will ask you for clarification.

I don’t know about you being ‘dramatic’. But you’re being ridiculous. Baby sounds better than “they/them” unless of course you’re having twins. Are you having twins?

All this silly nonsense around pronouns. 🙄

Someone has fallen overboard. Quick, save them, they are going to drown!

Someone has stolen my lunch from the work fridge. What an arsehole they even took my dessert.

It's used to talk about a singular person when you can't see or don't know their sex.

This.

I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender.

Well it goes back at least as far as Chaucer so…
It’s not new. Pronouns have always been a ‘thing’. I love looking at pronoun choices in a text - tells you a lot.
In OP’s case it merely tells us they’re not announcing gender yet (look I used singular they and it makes perfect sense!).

I think you’re using “they/them” fine in the context and it’s something that is a standard use of the English language.

It’s super annoying that anyone would think this is even a statement. I quite often use it-interchangeably with she/he or if I don’t know the sex of a client (eg their name is Alex but I’ve only seen the email not spoken to). I don’t see how this is any different. Congrats on your pregnancy OP

They/them is unnecessarily tiresome. You are being a pita.

Well, it is different.

If you saw a cute baby and you didn’t know the sex, would you say, Look at that baby! It’s so cute!’ Or would you say ‘Look at that baby. They’re so cute! Look at their face!’

The second is unnatural and ‘it’ is perfectly normal here. Whereas you wouldn’t call your client Alex ‘it’! And ‘they’ in that context is correct as you say.

It’s just ambiguous.

You could be having twins (probably the most obvious meaning), you could be trying to make a wanky point about gender identity, you could be saying that you don’t know the sex.

So people are not necessarily “confused” when they ask you what you mean, they’re just resolving the ambiguity, which is not unreasonable.

I think not finding out is lovely. I didn’t either and I just referred to “the baby” and “he or she”, which is completely clear and unambiguous and takes maybe a teeny fraction of a second longer to say than “they”.

How is that tiresome? Assuming English is their first language I don’t understand the struggle?

I don’t see the problem with ‘it’, personally. I called my unborn daughters ‘it’.

I’ve noticed, cos I’m old, that only in the last twenty or so years have people started to be offended and say their precious baby can’t be an ‘it’.

Children are neutral in all Germanic languages, including Old English. Using ‘it’ is standard English and clearly not meant as any kind of judgment on the baby, or its mother. And has the benefit of clarity, being unequivocally singular.

I don't like the use of they/them but that's because after 40 years of using it as a plural, it just goes against what I "know" to be true. "They" to me will always suggest more than one person.

Apparently singular "they" dates back to at least the 1300s though when referring to a person of unknown or unspecified gender (according to my trusty knowledge source, ChatGPT), so who am I to argue if someone wants to use it? I just wouldn't myself and will probably still continue to roll my eyes at those who do!

I can see it both ways.

As someone who used to work around second and third trimester obstetric scanning, I remember so many times using the word "they" in the singular context, only to see looks of panic from families and words along the lines of "oh my god it isn't twins is it?". These were families that had already had scans and knew number of babies in there but still the words automatically made them think of multiple.

As a result I very quickly moved to using the word baby instead (I personally felt uncomfortable saying it) or he/she if they told me.

I would naturally say the second.

Is your google broken

YANBU at all. Probably it surprises people because it is more common than not these days to find out the gender. But if you are choosing not to, then they/them is appropriate and normal.

I seem to recall we used fruit-based descriptors for my babies. We found a book that strangely described each developmental stage in terms of fruit size so we went with that 😂

My brother on the other hand referred to them (twins) as “the parasites”* throughout my pregnancy, so probably on balance they/them is fairly tame 😂🤷‍♀️

(*it was all very light-hearted - we have a weird sense of humour in my family!)

Yes, you’re being over-dramatic. You've found that using "they" is confusing people, whether or not you think it ought to, so if you don't like their confusion you’ll have to stop doing it, won’t you?

Why not "he or she" / "him or her" - two extra syllables isn’t really a hardship.

If you saw someone steal your car but didn’t see what they looked, like how would you describe them?

World has gone nuts. It was they/them for me 20 years before all this gender crap started.” It “is weird I agree, sounds rude 😂

I would say “he or she” and sis before we knew the sex of our current expectant baby.

If I heard you use it I think I would understand that you meant one child though.

“Oh, when they’re born I’m going to do XYZ” falls off the tongue much more naturally than “when he or she is born, I’m going to…” does. Why add a clumsy phrasing when the right word already exists? It’s only confusing to the stupid.

It’s tiresome because it is ambiguous and OP knows people are finding it confusing but just wants to blame them rather than simply saying "he or she" instead.