Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

OP, this is perfectly normal to me, and all my friends/colleagues have referred to their babies as "they/them" during their pregnancy, either until they've found out the gender or for the whole pregnancy if they're keeping it as a surprise.

Not at all.

Assuming = forming an opinion that feels logical based on the information given

Underthinking = not having much thought about details. At all.

I'll let you decide which one I'd assume is perferable to most people 😊

But why are you using they as a noun there and not a pronouns. Nobody is going to say ‘they’s’

Especially my autocorrect which really didn’t like that.

@AliasGrape I'm strongly gender critical - a position I largely came to having been 'peaked', which is a phrase I learned here on mumsnet.
But fuck me if this thread isn't in danger of peaking me right back.

God, same.

It totally is common parlance!

"Someone's left their bag there"
"Someone's at the door... they've ring the bell 4 times"
"The driver of that car thinks they own the road!"

It bloody well is common parlance. Several posters on this thread have hilariously used it unthinkingly in the process of saying how stupid it is.

Record yourself for a few days - if you're a native English speaker you will use singular they.

Them does suggest twins - in THIS particular context.

And I don't like 'it' either.

I'd just refer to the baby as 'the baby'.

Say 'we're keeping the sex private until birth, then we'll tell everyone. Until then, it's just between the two of us'. On repeat.

So how would you "fix" these sentences?

"Someone has left their wallet on the table."

"The new boss is being announced tomorrow, I hope they're better than the last one."

"The cab driver should be arriving soon, I hope the traffic hasn't been too difficult for them."

It is definitely not against the rule of the English language, and if someone taught you that I would be seriously questioning their credentials.

To the lofty announcer that 'singular they is not common parlance' earlier on:

You're wrong.

In fact the Oxford English dictionary reports the first KNOWN use from the 14th century, and cites similar wittering on about the change of thou and thee to the singular 'you' which is the norm now.

Language shifts.

A brief history of singular 'they' from the OED:

https://www.oed.com/discover/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/?tl=true

If this is the context you are using ‘they/them’ in, then no one would notice. It seems normal to me. I’d be surprised at anyone asking you to explain yourself.

So if multiple people are challenging you, I’d be more inclined to think that either you’re not using it in this context, or this isn’t really happening at all and is just a thread for a threads sake.

We didn’t tell people our unborn child’s sex. I have no recall of talking about the baby using any pronoun. I always talked about ‘baby’ or ‘the baby’. I agree with your friends that there’s something a bit jarring about the third person pronoun used as singular, particularly as your use of it seems a bit contrived. I don’t think people using ‘they’ would have irritated or annoyed me though.

I used “he or she” or “the baby” when I didn’t know. I’d only use they/them for a multiple birth.

I think it does often get taught as they is always plural in English as foreign language classes which probably explains why up until a few years ago the only people I’d come across who were confused by it didn’t have English as a first language.

No, it's not completely against the rule of the English language. As an example:

'Someone broke into our garage last night'.
'Oh no, did they steal anything?'

'Someone' is singular but as their sex is unknown, the use of the pronoun 'they' is correct.

So you have found out the sex, have told people you know the sex, but don't want to let anyone else know so refer to the unborn child as 'they/them'.

Your choice. It of course can be grammatically correct- but I'm guessing that's not what is frustrating?

Maybe some people will be listening to pronouns even more carefully to see if you slip up and reveal your secret....

I didn't do this. We didn't find out until each child was born. I think I would have felt weird doing it the way above- particularly to people I know would be keen to know- be like 'i know a secret you dont- but I'm not telling. You can't know cause it's my secret'.

... I just don't even know how to respond to this. You've jumped from they're not having twins, to raising the baby as non binary.

Do you genuinely not realise how absolutely batshit crazy that sounds?

No they hadn’t found out the gender. The OP doesn’t know so can’t tell people.

She hasn't found out the sex. It is right there in the OP:

'it’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’'

Ahhh DOH. Comprehension..basic read..I know I know. My fault.

It’s because they/them is now inextricably linked to genderwoo crap.

They / them is used for plural individuals, with some specific exceptions.

When speaking of a baby in utero it makes no sense grammatically:

"When is your baby due?"

"They are due in a month"

Grammatically indicates more than one baby. Makes on sense if it's only one.

Examples of using "they / them" to denote only one individual are specific and less common:

"They are going to the shop"

"I saw them at the park"

can be used for one or more individuals.

But this is not how you're using it, and not how the current fad for the last bloody 5 minutes is using it. Consequently people are going to be confused as your grammar is just flat out wrong.

It's dumb and tiresome. But tbf it does easily point out the idiots amongst us.

Are you unfamiliar with "they're"?

It may be an ancient 'thing' but is only quite recent for reference to non-binary. Drives me nuts as a language teacher.

We call our unborn baby 'the rhino'. 😂