Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

Your friends are a bit stupid, OP. So are some of the people on this thread…

Calling the unborn baby they/them in my opinion seems attention-seeking and ridiculous. There is nothing at all wrong with saying 'baby'. It's nice, and sweet. Not cold like they/them.

I think that that sums it!

Then say 'baby' then. Otherwise you just appear weird and desperate for attention and to be 'unique'. It's just so silly.

This whole thread is testament to the fact that the word 'they' is clunky.

If can be singular or it can be plural, but in most people's day to day conversation it's more likely to be plural. So using it during pregnancy is confusing and people's first interpretation is likely to be that you are having twins.

So it, the baby, he or her, are all less confusing options.

Why are you using the word 'gender' when - presumably - you mean 'sex'? Two sexes, male and female; boys and girls.

‘But that’s nothing new. The Oxford English Dictionary traces singular they back to 1375, where it appears in the medieval romance William and the Werewolf. Except for the old-style language of that poem, its use of singular they to refer to an unnamed person seems very modern. Here’s the Middle English version: ‘Hastely hiȝed eche . . . þei neyȝþed so neiȝh . . . þere william & his worþi lef were liand i-fere.’ In modern English, that’s: ‘Each man hurried . . . till they drew near . . . where William and his darling were lying together.’
Since forms may exist in speech long before they’re written down, it’s likely that singular they was common even before the late fourteenth century. That makes an old form even older.’

From OED.com

Its not a new thing!

Some people don’t like the (frankly awful) nicknames, including baby, and don’t like ‘it’ because it can feel dehumanising so they choose to use a perfectly legitimate and grammatically correct way to describe their unborn child. Anyone who repeatedly assumes that means a multiple birth or assumes it’s related to trans issues is simply wrong (and possibly has some issues).

If you read my post properly, you’d understand that you weren’t clear in your initial posts. You sound a bit dramatic.

I just used to say he/she or baby as I didnt know baby’s sex beforehand. I think saying they is confusing as it suggests twins

What do you think those of us with older children did because identify their sex wasn't visible on scans some years ago?

I didn't know what sex mine were and it was a surprise (which was nice, actually.)

But to use it to refer to a baby during pregnancy is a fairly recent thing.

“They" doesn't just mean plural, and it never has.

Do you have any evidence for this? I’m not sure what the excerpt labelled 1940 is from or means?

I’ve had many genuine moments of confusion where I’ve wondered who else someone is talking about before I’ve twigged. I have reasonably high intelligence and competence with the English language so I don’t think it’s just me being ignorant. Certainly not deliberately anyway.

It comes to something when using the English language in the correct context is being desperate for attention but using cutesy nicknames is considered preferable.

There aren’t enough facepalms some days.

Why have you been posting this in the middle of the night?

That's more worrying unless you're not in UK time.

Agreed.

In the dim and distant past (1980s) people didn't know what they were having anyway so they said 'The baby', 'the bump, 'he or she', 'it' or any other creative description.

I don't understand the furore about this. YANBU @Irish24 Nothing wrong with calling your unborn baby 'they' if you don't know the gender yet. How ridiculous of people to get snitty ...

Maybe they're just sick of hearing this from people who identify as non-binary, and think it shouldn't be a thing, and believe there is only male or female. But there's nothing wrong with it if it's an unborn baby FGS! 🙄 How the fuck can you call it he or she if you don't know if it's a boy or girl?! Tell these weirdos throwing shade on you and having a go at you (in real life,) to get a life.

You don't have to say 'the baby.' And FGS don't say 'baby,' that sounds incredibly naff! 😬 'Oh BABY has been kicking this afternoon.' Bleurghh! 😖Makes it sound like you're naming the child 'baby!' 😬

If that was true, then you and everyone else who wants to use this word in this context would not be meeting with confusion. It may have been used in some fringe cases in this way, but certainly not in general use.

Confusion is what happens when you use a word in a way it is generally not used by the majority of people.

I’ve posted a quote from OED above at 7.47

Yeah I’ve no clue what they just said either

Exactly

It would feel unnatural to say they/them for me. Nothing to do with gender politics.

I'd naturally say "the baby" or "he or she" but say whatever you want.

They and them has always been used when the sex is not specified so I agree with the person you quoted. I still think in the OP's case she would be better referring to 'the baby'.

’They’ does not just refer to unknown sex. ‘They’ refers to a stranger, a person we don’t know. Do you not have a relationship with your unborn child?

So using grammatically correct language is now attention seeking? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ok then

I didn't find out the gender of my baby either, I called it, 'it' 'baby' I don't know anyone call their baby they/them it does sound like it's more than one baby so I would assume you were one of those pronoun nutcases if you were using those terms for one unborn baby.