Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

I haven't read the whole thread but I didn't know the sex of my baby and whenever I said 'they ' my work manager would ask of it was twins. Ended up just saying baby for the sake of it. Didn't like calling the baby 'it'.

I’ve navigated this twice.

”he or she” and “the baby” worked perfectly well.

Perfectly clear depending on context. If you use “they” with a an acquaintance they may reasonably but incorrectly assume twins. Thats not because “they” is grammatically incorrect, but because OP could have used a clearer (more usual) reference marker but decided to use they. Grammatically fine, and not odd etc, just somewhat confusing.

The first use of ‘they’ as a singular pronoun was in the 1300s according to the Oxford English Dictionary. I’m in my ‘50s and it’s been commonly use that way if you don’t know the sex of the person (baby…) being referred to.

OP, your use is absolutely fine…the issue is that literacy in this country is now shockingly poor I think.

Do you know the sex of your baby? If yes then why aren’t you telling anyone? If you wanted it to be a surprise then you shouldn’t have found out either. Before I found out my baby’s sex, I referred to her as ‘baby.’ I’d assume they/them were twins. If you don’t know the sex, then use ‘he or she’ or ‘baby.’

when I worked in Obstetrics, all babies were referred to as he, so as to not confuse with the mother who was she.
I never knew my babies sex before birth, we used he or baby. You may as well say it.

The Mercies is a fabulous book. By a fabulous author. I genuinely hope you enjoy it.

The baby will come out as either ‘sex’ not gender.

You also sound a bit precious.

Both ‘he or she’ and ‘baby’ are more awkward sounding than ‘they’.
OP doesn’t know.
I did know but didn’t say because I didn’t want lots of blue presents nor did I want months of grief for my chosen boy name.

If you read what I actually said then I said we are keeping the gender of the baby a surprise. Therefore that means I do not know the gender and therefore I will not be telling anyone???

Where you’re going wrong here is to presume that you’ll know the baby’s gender when they is born. The only thing you’ll know with any certainty is the sex of they. To assume they’d gender for them is a micro aggression and as such could be considered transphobic.
Of course, some people will consider your reference to your baby as ‘they’ to be virtue-signalling nonsense. But hey, what do they know eh?
Stick with they/them, see if you can have this put on the birth certificate, and make sure you give they a gender-neutral name like Sam, Alex, Blossom, Jude etc…
Keep em guessing until them’s old enough to decide for theyself what gender they want to be!

Yes it’s my first baby and of course it’s precious?

Why the meanness about a perfectly normal and correct use of language?

"jesus wept" special surprise! Babies don't come in genders, this is why, the questions. Gender is a man made construction,fact,babies normally come in 2 sexes, male female. For some reason not a popular idea. If you want a special surprise, don't find out if it's a boy or girl, male or female. I didn't and it did make it special. It's no one else's business. I just said baby.

I'm with you Op.

Perfectly normal Op especially when sex is unknown.

"I wonder what they'll look like"?

Or even if you do know the sex of who you're talking about.

"I saw Brian the other day & they told me that..."

They/Them has always been used when the gender is unknown. It’s not unusual. Or even when the gender is known of a person, you sometimes refer to something as ‘theirs’

I know my babies gender, as do friends/family but people still refer to him as it. They say it’s because we don’t have a name yet. I get people have always also referred to a baby as an ‘it’ but it’s just as easy to say ‘baby’

Did the manager have memory problems or were they just obtuse?

I find they/them clunky, and of course confusing because of the possible plurality.

I was pregnant in the days where what you got was a surprise. I used 'it', or 'the baby' as did every other pregnant woman I knew.

They/Them has always been used when the gender is unknown

It really hasn't, in the case of babies in the womb.

Keeping the sex a secret could also mean that you know, but aren’t telling anyone. I don’t understand why you don’t like saying ‘baby.’ Your posts weren’t clear.

Exactly. Lots of people don't find out the sex of their baby. It's 'the baby' till it arrives. They/them is plural which is why everyone is confused. Surely you have wondered if it's you causing the confusion when everyone else is confused 🤔

But I don’t know?? That’s the whole point 🤦‍♀️

"They,them" are third person plural pronouns, popular between 1300 and 1800 years.

I get it might be confusing if it might indicate twins. But they/them has been used for unknown sex for centuries.

"Someone's at the door for you."
"What do they want?"

I called my baby it, until I found out his sex and then it was him. If I didn't find out, he'd have been it or baby throughout.

I too would assume they and them are multiples... If you'd told me you weren't finding out etc I also wouldn't pester you, as I wouldn't really care!