Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

How does this even link to a discussion about a completely normal, appropriate use of language!!!

Every time a poster types ‘the baby’ I read it in Nessa’s voice. ‘Neil, the baby’.

They/them is fine in this context, and several posters have given lots of examples why it works in a sentence. Only the very stupid - or the transphobic - are confused.

I find it so interesting though that I was going to use the ‘oh they’ve forgot their coat! I’ll take it to reception in case they come back to look for it’ as my example - is this the example we were taught in school to illustrate this very point?? Several posters have also used someone forgetting a coat as an example!

Just avoid the pronoun and use baby. They is confusing because it’s a plural and some people have twins or more!

Why? Because they use language in a completely accurate and normal way that some posters have decided is wrong even though it isn’t?

What does this have to do with anything? You’re being horrible and this is so unnecessary.

They seems fine to me. Pretty sure I did this often.

My first pregnancy was twins and they died a couple of days before my 20 week scan. My subsequent pregnancies we didn't find out the sex and tried to use 'they' but I had so many rridiculous insensitive comments joking about how we were having twins and hiding it. It that put me in tears every single time at the thoughtlessness of joking about twins that eventually I just stopped talking about my pregnancy. It was honestly relentless and hurtful every time.

Using they makes perfect sense. Like when you refer to the driver in front of you as they because you don't know 'their' gender.

It isn’t! And baby is awkward. We use pronouns to remove that. People are perfectly comfortable with you as a singular and plural pronoun. It’s the same thing.

Call it what you want but yes it’s slightly confusing as, depending on context, it will sound to most like you’re having twins.

It really won’t.

No I have the exact same thing I everyone says oh u must be havin twins ?? NO?? they is a pronoun that can be either him or her ? People do know this that are older aswell cus there’s a song about it that I found that was set back in the 80s must have been haha and I sent it to my grandparents / parents and they seem to get it now iv let them know it annoys me. I know what the gender of my baby is gonna be I just naturally say they cus don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet whatever the reason is it’s not a multiple and completely get where ur coming from lol

Read your post again. 😂

In the example about the coat, you might well know the gender of the person you’re referring to, as it’s clear from the style of coat. But you still wouldn’t say ‘she’s left her coat’, as that would sound like you knew the person. They always refers to someone unknown and what mother would say she doesn’t know her unborn baby?

Is it perhaps that using they/them is unusual when talking about a person who is with you?

typically in the examples given you would say ‘they called and left a message on the machine’ or ‘let them go out to the park with their friends’ when the person being referred to is not in your presence.

It’s a very third person use of the singular.

Context is important though. “I don’t know what day they’re going to be born” sounds like twins. I’d use “he or she” or “the baby” sometimes to make things clearer. They/them works sometimes but can also be confusing at others. Common sense really.

"They" IS a third person singular noun when the sex of a person is unknown. But we don't use it often.

"There's someone at the door. I wonder what THEY want."

The confusion these days is that people want to use it WHEN they know (and everyone else knows) their sex.

Nope. Not without further context. If I was discussing due dates with someone I would be likely to know they didn’t know sex. Perfectly clear.

You’re the one with other issues going on love. Your rabid hatred of difference is clouding your judgement and grasp of the English language. Have a lovely weekend.

Regardless of that. There is no confusion in this instance it is a correct usage

And a good book for you might I suggest.

Oh FFS 😂 It absolutely is normal in this context. It sounds natural because it is - language evolves, it's dynamic. Open your mind.

@Irish24 use a really generic word instead like Bubble or Bumblebee to refer to them, save the aggro if it bothers you, otherwise crack on. Congratulations! 💛