To be creeped out by people who make a huge deal out of celebrity deaths?

[TealDreamer]

I don’t mean the normal “Oh, that’s sad” reaction when a famous person dies - I mean the people who act like they’ve lost a close family member. The ones who post long, emotional tributes, talk about how “devastated” they are and make the whole thing about them.

It just feels… off. Like they’re using someone else’s deaths to fill a gap in their own lives, feeding off the drama in a way that seems performative. I get feeling sad about someone whose work you admired but the extreme reactions just feel weird and attention-seeking.

AIBU to think this is creepy?

YANBU. It’s a bit odd. Although, I was a bit devoed when the Queen died 😂

I feel a fleeting sadness when someone famous dies, if they have been something of note in my life - musicians whose music conjours up a particular time in my life, newsreaders who brings back memories of sitting round the table with my family, listening to the news, comedians I laughed at with my grandparents etc. But it really is the briefest of things. I feel sad but nowhere near the anguish when people close to me die. I can still listen to the music or find clips on YouTube but I can't sit down and have a chat with my Mum. I used to feel sorry for the people who make fools of themselves online or weeping and wailing on TV, on the basis that their lives must be totally lacking in real life relationships, but my compassion has worn thin because it all does seem to be increasingly performative. It was brought to a head for me after the murders in Southport. Among the people laying flowers and lighting candles, there were gangs of girls, usually threesomes for some reason, taking selfies and pulling competitive Sad Faces. It seemed as if they scored more points for being seen to be doing this, as they would shuffle to one side or other to make sure they were in view of the TV camera. One group were even following the cameras around and taking several selfies. It was despicable behaviour.

I have a friend who will post on fb the moment a celebrity dies - I've always found this both odd but intriguing.

That was insane.

I was staying with some friends who don't habitually have the radio or tv on. the first we knew of it was when a mate of theirs came round and said "Have you heard, Diana's died?".

We all thought it was a joke at first, and waited for the punchline.

The next few days were bizarre imo, it was like some form of collective madness. The council offices where I worked had a book of condolence and I'm told the queues went right round the block at times. I was on leave, thankfully, so was spared trying to get through throngs of people every time I entered the building. One colleague was shouted at by someone who thought he was trying to jump the queue.

I was actually surprised by how much the Queens death affected me. But she'd been a constant in my life for 42 years and I think she's the only death I've cried over and not actually known. She died the day my youngest started reception so it was already a time of huge change tinged with sadness 😔

Some adults who detail every feeling they have on social media are not mentally well. My acquaintances who do this tend to have experienced childhood trauma (abuse, abandonment, parent dying in early childhood) or have a diagnosed mental health condition, or both. Their devastation at the death of a celebrity they've never mentioned before is merely a symptom of their wider issues.

I always find it so OTT when on radio/tv they say things like “tragic death” eg of someone famous who passed away peacefully in their 80s. It’s not tragic, it’s normal, even though it might be sad. Or “such a massive loss to the world” about someone obscurely famous eg a film or music producer that most people have never heard of, again usually someone who’s died at a normal older age.

I don't think that's ridiculous. She was an incredible, uniquely talented artist and it's really sad that she's no longer around

Don’t you also cry at tragic deaths you hear of in the news too? Or on tv shows?

i was thinking about if I have cried at any celebrity deaths and yes I did, I remember feeling really sad about that singer from
the Wanted, he was so young and had a child the same age as mine. Him being famous had nothing to do with causing my tears, it’s just sad because he was young and had a family. I’d feel the same towards any other tragic death, famous or not, i still shed a tear. Privately, mind. I wouldn’t express anything publicly, but I don’t see the problem in being deeply upset by the death of people you don’t know, especially if they died in tragic circumstances

I was shocked at how upset I was about David Bowie's death. It completely blindsided me as I didn't own any of his music or particularly identify with him in any shape or form. It was very weird and didn't relate to anything going on in my life at the time. I just remember tears pouring down my face and thinking wtaf? I never cry, I really don't. It was just so out of character, I was embarrassed and certainly didn't tell anyone about it. Still to this day I don't know what the hell went on that day (s) afterwards. Nothing by me about it on SM though so I guess not very performative!

Yes I was as well. I had seen him live and was a fan

also John Lennon’s as I was a teen and he was too young and such an unnecessary tragic death

Some people definitely do just enjoy jumping onto a maudlin bandwagon.

However, I think it really depends on what that the celebrity really meant to you. If someone was a huge lifelong fan of that person, then their death is going to have a big impact. Or sometimes a famous person just signifies something to someone that goes beyond the famous person themselves - eg a famous person who felt like a part of someone’s childhood/youth dying can feel like the end of an era for some.

Yep - we all know a few grief vultures/drama llamas who love SM validation.

I know a couple of people who think they’re chief mourner at every funeral and mascot honour at every wedding - it’s just all about them and getting attention.

Theres been a few singers die recently who I’m a fan of but there’s a big difference between posting a song and a brief RIP and killing it like they were your best mate

My dd feels a vague sense of annoyance every time someone mentions Princess Diana-she had a massive tantrum because The Tellytubbies wasn’t on that morning and it’s still somewhere there in her subconscious…

I remember that well

Dd was born in the may,Diana died in the aug-i was still getting my head round having a baby

We were at home,when ex's sister banged on our door

'Diana's dead'

'Who the hell is Diana?I don't know a Diana'

'Princess Diana'

'Who?' (We'd had a bad night with dd and where not really with it)

Then the grieving started up-they cancelled all the tv programmes to talk about her,a building in our city centre had some book to write in,and they where turning people away as the queues where that long and you couldn't move for people mourning her

I remember the crowds crying and wailing over a woman they'd never met,the old ladies behind me in the post office,chatting like they had been mates with her and the papers demanding the Queen dragging the boys to London so the public would have a gawp at them

I know someone who has to be the biggest griever of them all-her pain is the worst pain in all mankind,no matter who the person is

She's still like that even with diana-she loved her the most

My dad was very indignant that her funeral was on a Saturday and football was cancelled. I seem to remember him rambling on about Churchill and us all turning into Americans with the drama but I did zone out and just nod politely

I’ve had to unfollow one home account - initials PPH as she has started making her whole existence about Liam Payne - she never once mentioned anything about him before he died but now she’s his biggest fan. Seems to be a common thing among ‘influencers’ grief tourism.

There are a couple of celebrities who died that I did feel quite sad about and I did well up over it when I heard but I was on my own.

Utterly cringed at an old work colleague who said she had time off work when Stephen Gately died though!! I judged her hard for that!

I reckon there's a correlation between these people and those that tagged themselves as at the hospital on FB.

What is worse is 'grief tourism', especially if someone has not died of natural causes. Privately being upset is nothing unusual, someone may have through their work (music for example) been important to you and even in a way helped you.

That's interesting about your DF. I do wonder if there is such a thing as 'referred grief' a bit like referred pain.

When DF died after many months of cancer my emotions were complex. Sadness wasn't really there. I felt relief that it was over. I was worried for DM. I was annoyed by an aunt who seemed to want to muscle in on the whole situation.

Shortly afterwards a character in The Archers died (I was a regular listener) and I was ridiculously upset. It only lasted a couple of hours but the strength of my response shocked me.

Looking back, I was sad about my DF but the feelings of sadness had got lost amongst all the other emotions. Grieving for this fictional character gave me an outlet.

I was very upset when Caroline Flack died. I never had the same reaction for any other celebrity.

Lovely turn of phrase to use for a 36 year old mother of two young boys who died in a horrific car crash.

The worst thing when Diana died was the bloody women crying when the hearse came out. The poor princes who had just lost their mother were expected to behave with dignity and those people in the crowd who had never met her were acting like it was them who had lost a parent in childhood. That actually still makes me mad, it's such narcissistic behaviour.

The entire country didn't go mad, but the TV coverage likes to focus on the mad people, not those of us who turned the TV off for a week and carried on their normal lives.

Feeling a bit sad when a favourite actor or writer or musician dies is normal, feeling it's more tragic when it's suicide or drugs is also normal. But it shouldn't have any long lasting impact on your life, save that for the people who are actually close to you.

I was uncharacteristically gutted when Michael Moseley died!

And I put a rose at the gates of Kensington Palace for Diana, I was much younger then, it was a very surreal atmosphere. I was happily willing to be convinced (then) it wasn't just an accident.