Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP unkind about my friend who is TTC

119 replies

Panda87 · 27/03/2025 18:24

I’ve got a close friend who is having TTC struggles with her DH. I have been there before with eventual success so she has been confiding in me and we’ve had a few long phone calls where I’ve tried to be supportive.

My DP is not the father to my DC, they are from a previous relationship, and he doesn’t want children himself (he’s great with mine).

DP is becoming increasingly annoyed that I’ve taken a few of these calls in the evening after we’ve had dinner and would usually settle down on the sofa to watch something. He thinks the odd call at this time is fair enough but they are becoming increasingly regular.

Last night, he kept coming into the room and pointing at his wrist as if to hurry me up. My friend was really upset so I didn’t want to cut the call short and I made sure I was there for her.

When I got off the call, he said we wouldn’t have time to watch anything (I’m sure we would have done) and then said, “oh well, I’m sure DH’s name won’t be too upset, he gets another month of having a go on those tits every night”.

I told him straight away this was a disgusting comment and to have some empathy. He thinks they’ve got plenty of time but it’s easy to say when he hasn’t been in that position. This isn’t the first time he has made a similar comment, he basically said my friend’s DH must be enjoying trying, but in a cruder way.

I don’t think IABU to support my friend, even if the calls are in the time I’d usually spend with my DP?

OP posts:
KoalaPineapple · 27/03/2025 18:26

Support your friend. You’re a good friend. Those comments are crude and gross to be honest 😢

Aworldofwonder · 27/03/2025 18:33

He sounds repulsive from that description OP. I'd be livid if my DH was walking in and pointing at his watch when I was mid conversation and as for the tits comment... Grim.

SpongeKnobNoPants · 27/03/2025 18:35

then said, “oh well, I’m sure DH’s name won’t be too upset, he gets another month of having a go on those tits every night”

This isn’t the first time he has made a similar comment, he basically said my friend’s DH must be enjoying trying, but in a cruder way.

I think you need to be more concerned about this.

Of course YANBU to support a good friend. But YABU to put up with this pillock.

*Edited to correct bad copy & paste!

Mrsttcno1 · 27/03/2025 18:35

I mean it depends on the frequency but I think you’re both potentially unreasonable. Obviously his comment is awful & uncalled for but you being on the phone to your friend during your evening which should be your couple time isn’t great either.

As a one off obviously it’s fine but if my husband was on the phone every other evening I wouldn’t be happy,

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/03/2025 18:35

So your DP is a pig who thinks highly of your friends tits, sounds like he wouldn’t mind a go on them either. What a waste of space.

TeapotTitties · 27/03/2025 18:36

My DP is not the father to my DC, they are from a previous relationship, and he doesn’t want children himself (he’s great with mine).

How great can a vile, misogynistic prick be with children?

I don't know how old they are now, but they'll see him for who he is one day.

Hopefully before he's negatively influenced them.

Secondguess · 27/03/2025 18:36

What horrible, misogynist, childish and selfish behaviour. He should be ashamed of himself. What in your background makes you put up with any of this?

frozendaisy · 27/03/2025 18:37

Life is sometimes about connection with other people OP not sitting with a watch pointing man on the sofa staring into the tv.

Tell him to watch something you have no interest in.

Are you living close enough to just go out and meet friend?

Is P jealous that you have friends to talk to on the phone and he doesn't?

Poppyseeds79 · 27/03/2025 18:41

He sounds rank

Jeschara · 27/03/2025 18:41

Infantile, crude childish pig. What do you see in a MSN like that.

Jeschara · 27/03/2025 18:42

Sorry man in the loosest since of the word nor MSN.

frozendaisy · 27/03/2025 18:44

Mrsttcno1 · 27/03/2025 18:35

I mean it depends on the frequency but I think you’re both potentially unreasonable. Obviously his comment is awful & uncalled for but you being on the phone to your friend during your evening which should be your couple time isn’t great either.

As a one off obviously it’s fine but if my husband was on the phone every other evening I wouldn’t be happy,

People aren't joined at the hip having a week apart or just doing other stuff in the house isn't a relationship breaker, or if it is it's a very fragile relationship.

Being there for others is an attraction surely? If your H was there for one of his friend's going through a tough time doesn't it just confirm that if you needed him he would be interstellar for you?

I don't see the problem, I have all the time in the world with H, if a friend of his needed him for a bit, a big bit, that's fine, I am a big grown up and can entertain myself for endless evenings.

In fact if he was so delicate that he couldn't entertain himself with our endless streaming system without me on the sofa with him then I would question his functionality as a grown man.

Each to their own I guess.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/03/2025 18:49

Jeschara · 27/03/2025 18:42

Sorry man in the loosest since of the word nor MSN.

Huh?

simpledeer · 27/03/2025 18:52

He sounds revolting

nutbrownhare15 · 27/03/2025 18:53

My husband would just watch what he fancies while he waited. If I wanted to support my friend I would. And he could do the same. And what a vile comment. I wouldn't be happy.

BellissimoGecko · 27/03/2025 18:55

The worst thing is not your h’s repulsive comments but the fact he’s trying to control you by telling you to get off the phone! Just so you can watch tv? That’s deeply unattractive and deeply annoying. Tell him to fuck off and watch something on his own.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Mrsttcno1 · 27/03/2025 19:00

frozendaisy · 27/03/2025 18:44

People aren't joined at the hip having a week apart or just doing other stuff in the house isn't a relationship breaker, or if it is it's a very fragile relationship.

Being there for others is an attraction surely? If your H was there for one of his friend's going through a tough time doesn't it just confirm that if you needed him he would be interstellar for you?

I don't see the problem, I have all the time in the world with H, if a friend of his needed him for a bit, a big bit, that's fine, I am a big grown up and can entertain myself for endless evenings.

In fact if he was so delicate that he couldn't entertain himself with our endless streaming system without me on the sofa with him then I would question his functionality as a grown man.

Each to their own I guess.

Show quote history

Got to be the only thread on here where people are trying to say quality time with your partner isn’t important😂

I could entertain myself for endless nights yeah, but if I wanted that to be my life I would have stayed single rather than getting married.

As I say it totally depends, but in my specific situation we are in the thick of it right now with young kids, my husband & I don’t have a lot of quality time right now and so if suddenly he was spending our 45 mins MAX of “free” time every night on the phone when that is quite literally our only chance to connect, communicate, make plans etc every day then I wouldn’t be happy no.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 27/03/2025 19:06

SpongeKnobNoPants · 27/03/2025 18:35

then said, “oh well, I’m sure DH’s name won’t be too upset, he gets another month of having a go on those tits every night”

This isn’t the first time he has made a similar comment, he basically said my friend’s DH must be enjoying trying, but in a cruder way.

I think you need to be more concerned about this.

Of course YANBU to support a good friend. But YABU to put up with this pillock.

*Edited to correct bad copy & paste!

Edited

Yeah this was my thinking

You're worrying about the wrong thing. I'd be making sure he's being faithful and has no feelings for your friend.

Hankunamatata · 27/03/2025 19:08

Well his comment was gross.

How many evenings and for how long are the calls?

MounjaroOnMyMind · 27/03/2025 19:11

Your partner is disgusting. How can you live with that?

I can appreciate it's a pain if a couple can't spend an evening together without lengthy phone calls from a friend, but his response is really awful.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 27/03/2025 19:14

@Panda87 your DH is a prick. I'm sure this isn't the first time. That kind of attitude, behaviour and language don't just appear.

suah · 27/03/2025 19:17

Gross. It’s not about your friend’s DH, it’s about your friend. Does he think that a woman can’t/shouldn’t be sad if her husband is happy?

SpringIsSpringing25 · 27/03/2025 19:21

He's a crude twat with the emotional intelligence of a beetle.

Is for tapping his watch and indicating you need to get off the phone, who the actual fuck does he think he is your dad?

Support your friend as much as she needs it and you want to.

Then think about your own relationship and whether you really want your kids growing up with this twonk

StrawberryDream24 · 27/03/2025 19:28

he said we wouldn’t have time to watch anything

And exactly why does he need you there to watch anything?

Do you share a brain??

It's nice to watch something with someone sometimes but it's not a necessity. It's not like you can't just watch something on your own sometimes.

I would find that suffocating & needy and inflexible.

Then there's the "another go on those tits" comment.

He's a fucking tube. A disgusting tube.

And also I'd find the fact he's noticed and is commenting on my mate's breasts very ick.

I mean, ok they can notice them; but have a tap of sense and appropriate-ness and don't comment on them to your sexual partner.

Very vulgar, very inappropriate.

I wouldn't want him around my kids tbh

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/03/2025 19:30

I had some sympathy for him until the end of your post. I'm actually a bit taken aback, that comment is just awful. Not only is it sleazy but it shows he has absolutely no understanding of what this couple are going through. A man suffers terribly when ttc too, how cruel that he thinks this man is enjoying it. His total lack of empathy is quite disturbing to be honest. He does not sound like a good man.