DP unkind about my friend who is TTC

[Panda87]

I’ve got a close friend who is having TTC struggles with her DH. I have been there before with eventual success so she has been confiding in me and we’ve had a few long phone calls where I’ve tried to be supportive.

My DP is not the father to my DC, they are from a previous relationship, and he doesn’t want children himself (he’s great with mine).

DP is becoming increasingly annoyed that I’ve taken a few of these calls in the evening after we’ve had dinner and would usually settle down on the sofa to watch something. He thinks the odd call at this time is fair enough but they are becoming increasingly regular.

Last night, he kept coming into the room and pointing at his wrist as if to hurry me up. My friend was really upset so I didn’t want to cut the call short and I made sure I was there for her.

When I got off the call, he said we wouldn’t have time to watch anything (I’m sure we would have done) and then said, “oh well, I’m sure DH’s name won’t be too upset, he gets another month of having a go on those tits every night”.

I told him straight away this was a disgusting comment and to have some empathy. He thinks they’ve got plenty of time but it’s easy to say when he hasn’t been in that position. This isn’t the first time he has made a similar comment, he basically said my friend’s DH must be enjoying trying, but in a cruder way.

I don’t think IABU to support my friend, even if the calls are in the time I’d usually spend with my DP?

Is for tapping his watch and indicating you need to get off the phone, who the actual fuck does he think he is your dad?

Yup.

Also, if that's how he sees sex ...... That would put me off sex with him.

It'd be like having sex with Jay out of the Inbetweeners.

93% is an incredibly high yanbu vote, op.

As someone who struggled to conceive and had to have ivf - it really is a horrible and upsetting comment. Only those who have really struggled know how hard the counting and planning and having sex when you don't feel like it can be. It can often take all the joy and fun and romance out of a relationship and be quite a sad situation. I don't remember the last time DH and I had sex for fun. I fear we've even forgotten how. We're both pretty over it after ttc for 2 years.

He sounds vile in all manner of ways and if my husband tapped his watch at me he'd get the finger and then a long conversation about me being his wife not his child and to never think of doing that to me again.

Ugh, your DP is a twat.

His comment was absolutely vile. What a pig. Honestly this forum really blows my mind with the utter audacity some men have.

He’s right about the phone calls but the ‘…have a go on the tits…’ comment is really vile. It’s a real insight to a disgusting attitude toward women. What do you see in him?

Your mate will be around long after you have binned off this horrible man. Be there for her and tell him to fuck off if he comes in again while you are on the phone. If my partner spoke about one of my mates like that he wouldn't be walking. It's disrespectful to you and them. He obviously sees women as sex objects and not actual people with feelings. What a dickhead!

I don’t believe this post can be real. Sub-inbetweeners men like this don’t end up married, surely.

Sorry I apologised for MSN being in my previous post instead of man.

He's right about the phone calls...why? So he can sit in front of the telly with OP, what a great evening that sounds.

I'd be fucking this vile, needy twat right off or if you decided to stick with him, I'd be going round to my friends or going out with her...then he can watch all the telly he likes

Are you sure you really want to stay with him? And if so, why?!

You allow this controlling disgusting pig around your children?
Speak about your friend like that?
Dump.
He is disgusting.

I’m sorry but there is no way I could be with someone who talks about women that way.

Thanks all, just to answer some of the questions/points:

-the most I’ve spoken on the phone with my friend in one week in the evening is twice, calls probably no longer than 35/40 minutes.

-DP and I watch a series which is why he wanted me downstairs, he’s happy watching stuff on his own otherwise and likes his own space usually

-His comment was completely inappropriate - I can accept that men will speak like that with each other - but not to me after I’ve just been comforting my distraught friend. I’m confident he won’t try that again!!

Honestly - if my DH spoke about a friend of mine in that way, especially when she's going through such a difficult time, I don't think I'd even be able to look at him let alone speak to him. What a repulsive man 🤢

💩💩💩💩💩 his attitude!

He is controlling.

His comment was completely inappropriate - I can accept that men will speak like that with each other - but not to me after I’ve just been comforting my distraught friend. I’m confident he won’t try that again!!

But you now know that's how he thinks of women, your friend, and sex. 🤮

Is that really acceptable to you? He sounds like an infantile prick of a man tbh.

Your partner is vile, misogynistic and also weirdly dependent. I would just watch a show while you are on the phone.

DP and I watch a series which is why he wanted me downstairs, he’s happy watching stuff on his own otherwise and likes his own space usually

Well he could watch something else while you're on the phone. Your mate is upset and asking for a bit of support at this time, and you've been through it too so ..

He could have a bit of flexibility and tolerance.

It doesn't have to be watched at exactly that time. It could be later, it could be the next day, it could be a catch up batch.

Tapping his watch, WTF. He thinks you're his little tv accessory. How dare you make the master wait? 😡

Another nasty vulgar misogynist who makes crude remarks about partner's friend's body but oh, he's great with kids🤮

I can accept that men will speak like that with each other -

I'm a bit of a misandrist and I actually, honestly, think you're being quite unfair to men there!

There are men who don't talk like that to other men.

It's really puerile and vulgar and objectifying, even for men.

I wouldn't be normalising or minimising that if I were you .... And taking the attitude "well, he won't speak like that in front of me again, he's been told".

The way he speaks reflects his views of sex and women

"Have a go on".
What are women? fair ground rides, a motorbike, a fleshlight?

"He'll be happy to be having a go on those tits for another month" .....at all, but esp when a couple has presumably just had a negative line, or a missed miscarriage or a miscarriage.

Again, he's also chatting about your mate's tits. .... Clearly he's noticed them to a significant degree, and he's so clueless and or/arrogant that he thinks it's fine to mention his appreciation of them right to your face.

This is bothering you because it should.
Please don't minimise it because you're invested and perhaps would rather be with him, even though he's inappropriate, crass, insensitive etc. rather than being single.

“-His comment was completely inappropriate - I can accept that men will speak like that with each other - but not to me after I’ve just been comforting my distraught friend. I’m confident he won’t try that again!!”

Err no!! You’ve got your bar set pretty low if you think this kind of talk is acceptable (even if just with his friends).