To be annoyed about this compliment about my hair

[PeriodHome]

I've been growing highlights out of my hair for a few years. In December I had my hair cut and restyled so all the highlights have gone.

I was out today with the bloke I'm seeing, and he said

'can I say something about your appearance? Your hair looks lighter now, It was very dark in December, it looks better now. Me and ......John noticed this after you had it cut.

I said I wasn't sure why he was telling me this and he said.

' I thought it might be helpful'

How did it look darker with hi lites?

Are you annoyed that he discussed it with ‘John’?

I’m also confused about the darker with highlights thing.

I imagine it was the harsh contrast of long roots with bleached ends that made it look darker.

Not sure why you’re annoyed about it? You paid to have your hair done and you’re upset he thinks it looks better?

I think she means it was darker just after the highlights were finally chopped off, in December. BF thinks it looks lighter now, in March.

I’d be annoyed too OP. None of his business.

So whatever you did in December looked darker than it is now and he prefers it now. Would you prefer him to keep his opinions to himself?

Yeah that’s not a compliment, that’s more like notes/appraisal

Also completely confused. Surely everyones hair looks lighter in march than on the dark days of December. My DH never notices anything about my hair, even when I had 6 inches cut off,so I would take it as a compliment.

It's not a compliment a bit analytical and who wants him analysing your hair with John.
I wonder what John thinks of the rest of you
That would be the ick for me.

My DP never gives me any opinion about my hair / clothes. This is a Good Thing. I consider no-one’s opinion but my own when I choose how to style myself.

It looked darker after I cut highlights out. It's march now so is lighter as I've been in the sun.

It’s just a compliment. Move on.

A compliment would be him telling you how lovely you looked when he first saw you with your new hairstyle. It sounds as though him and his friend were discussing your appearance objectively as though you were livestock, it’s sexist as hell. Can you imagine a situation where a woman told a man that she had been discussing his grooming choices with her friends and they had feedback? Women need to be calling out this shit, not being grateful for it!

Are we talking about the hair on your head?

What do you think @SocksySocks ?

It sounds like <stereotype alert> a typical “bloke who doesn’t really take much notice of hair / appearance / clothes” comment to me.

BUT WHO IS JOHN???

It would annoy me too. This bloke and his mate judging your appearance.

In what way did he think it would be helpful?? Bizarre - he could have just said your hair looks nice!

What a weird thing to say

It's a JOKE!

100%.

A compliment is “your hair looks great, it really suits you @PeriodHome”.

This is two men appraising you, having a discussion about your appearance and giving you notes they think will be ‘helpful’. Not remotely the same thing.

There's a whiff of negging about it; my reaction would depend on whether he has form for this kind of compliment with a slight sting in the tail. It could be that he is just expressing himself in an over-analytical way, or it could be a subtle way of undermining your confidence - making you think your hair looks bad in any other colour and style than the one you have now.

If he's never said anything like this before, I would give the benefit of the doubt to over-analysis (but be on my guard). If he has a track record of putting you down, either covertly or overtly, it might be time to rethink this relationship.

So if I understand correctly he was telling you (without being asked) that he thought your hair looked better in December than it does now? Presumably he thinks you have changed something now and doesnt realise it is just growth/sun and is helpfully informing you so you could fix your appearance so you look how he and 'john' approve of?
What a twat. Bin.

Sounds like he’s socially awkward and not that used to women.