To be annoyed about this compliment about my hair

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I've been growing highlights out of my hair for a few years. In December I had my hair cut and restyled so all the highlights have gone.

I was out today with the bloke I'm seeing, and he said

'can I say something about your appearance? Your hair looks lighter now, It was very dark in December, it looks better now. Me and ......John noticed this after you had it cut.

I said I wasn't sure why he was telling me this and he said.

' I thought it might be helpful'

Ask John what he charges for a blow dry.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t suit my natural hair / skin tone December to February. It’s the quality of light so cold, I look really pale/ ill. A few people over the years have asked me if I’m ok as they wondered if I was unwell or depressed. As the light warms up in March I look much better “more me”. It does sound bonkers, I used to have highlights now use a shine glaze with a bit of red in winter to warm me up and blush.

My guess would be John made the comment, your partner living within a patriarchal hierarchy received status from this and viewed it as a compliment and passed it on, without the understanding that women living within a patriarchal hierarchy have to deal with constant evaluation of their appearance and don't much care what John or anyone else thinks and don't evaluate their own status in this way, in fact will think the whole conversation is weird and will start wondering why the fuck John is examining past and present photos of her.

He's dim OP, very dim.

Although be careful to enunciate clearly.

This 👌

😂

Jesus… 😆

How long have you been seeing him? Has this put you off him?

Bloke and John have forgotten to factor in the changing lighting conditions of the passing seasons. But your hair is no topic for them to debate in that way as if you were mere arm candy. They could do with attending a finishing school for gentlemen.

What's his and John's opinion of the UK's 1% predicted growth? Rachel Reeves needs to know.

I think they learn how to tie a bow tie properly, and open a bottle of champers without it spilling.
Money well spent.

It’s not a compliment, they are appraising your appearance, it’s objectifying and weird.

It's stealth retrospective negging.

Her partner discussing with his mate that her hair looks better now is not a compliment.

He's telling you he likes it better lighter. When you had the highlights cut off he didn't like it darker and now it's naturally lightening up again he's complimenting you so that you understand his preference. That's why he thinks it's helpful, so you know (in his opinion) what looks better.

His comment was not a compliment. At best, it was an awkward way of saying he likes your hair. At worst, he’s giving you his notes on how he (and John) would like you to present yourself going forward. The rest of his behaviour will tell you which.

I will say though, some of your replies to people on here who are trying to be lighthearted are not overly pleasant. Are you usually so lacking in a sense of humour?

He was saying it looked better NOW. Why are people saying he preferred it in December? It's in the OP. Do what you like with your hair OP and whoever John is , he can get stuffed. Or even better, next work function , say "nice shirt JOHN, I much prefer it to the one you wore in December".

Oh and in agreeance with pp I have most certainly spoken with friends about our DH"s haircuts over the years. " Bloody hell, Angus has grown his goatee back, I hate it" type thing. It's not that odd. Telling you what John thought is the odd bit.

I comment on DHs hair, sometimes he gets it cut a bit shorter at the back and sides and I've told him I prefer it not quite so short. It's just a comment he's entitled to have his hair anyway he wants. DH will also say he prefers my hair naturally curly even though I straighten it a lot in winter because it's too cold to let it air dry. It's fine for him to have a preference.

Totally agree and I’m sure this is why the op feels annoyed/uncomfortable about it. It wasn’t actually a compliment, it was feedback and notes on how to look better going forward.

Ot but a diffuser is your friend in winter!

I would need more context, perhaps John was saying it as a compliment in conversation with your DH and he agreed, but the way he relayed that to you came out wrong. But if you do feel weird about it , find a small back handed compliment you can give to him and see how he reacts

I'm a bit surprised they were talking about OP's hair colour rather than the outcome of car resprays or something.

Short hair is good

It’s not really a compliment, as he doesn’t say how much he likes it, he’s only comparing it to something (even) less good. Also, he’s lecturing to you - telling you that you look better with lighter hair, so implying you should dye it again after the summer to hide your natural hair colour. I would therefore not be impressed by the “compliment,” either.