To be annoyed about this compliment about my hair

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I've been growing highlights out of my hair for a few years. In December I had my hair cut and restyled so all the highlights have gone.

I was out today with the bloke I'm seeing, and he said

'can I say something about your appearance? Your hair looks lighter now, It was very dark in December, it looks better now. Me and ......John noticed this after you had it cut.

I said I wasn't sure why he was telling me this and he said.

' I thought it might be helpful'

He is just saying, perhaps a bit clumsily, that he prefers the colour you have it now.

You have the sense of humour of a teenage boy with poor social intelligence

To add- it wasn't a compliment. A compliment is saying you look nice NOW. He told you look worse now than you did before. That is the opposite of complimenting you, especially about something that isn't a quick fix.

Who’s John, and why is he discussing the minutiae of your hair colour with him, like a pair of football pundits on Arsenal’s defence?

No it was the other way around I think. I look better now than when it was first cut.

In his opinion and John's opinion.

Is 'John' a hairdresser by any chance?

Some men think they have a right to dictate a woman's appearance, they have preferences for hair, makeup/no makeup, clothing etc and it's obviously misogynistic red flag material.

Is this what you're picking up on with him? Has he suddenly revealed a bit of his true colours and it's a shock?

Isn't life exhausting having to nit pick the minutiae of everything.

Who's John?

I’m finding all the people on this thread who are confused confusing.

OP, YANBU. He discussed your hair with a male friend and then decided to pass their comments on to you to be “helpful”????

WTAF?! Helpful how? What does he think you need help with??

Exactly this!

Your hair looks nice is perfectly fine, letting on there has been a discussion that the OP now looks 'better' is definitely not.

“Obviously misogynistic red flag material”
Yeah, right. 🙄🤣

Not sure who John is? I find that bit odd but other than that it’s a compliment and he’s saying how he prefers your hair!

John Frieda?

He's basically saying he doesn't like your hair when it's darker, so come winter again he won't like it. Personally I'd be ignoring his remarks and doing what I like with my own hair. God knows why he's discussing it with 'John', that's the weirdest bit.

Its hardly a red flag

Socially inept perhaps

And in regards to another poster, yes I can imagine women talking and 'appraising' a mans appearance and feeding back to him.

The way he worded this would annoy me too, it comes across quite manipulative, like subtly hinting he doesn't want you to get the previous hairstyle. There's a big difference between noticing someone has a new hairstyle and complimenting them on it, and saying "can I give you some constructive feedback? Don't do that thing with your hair you used to do. Sincerely, your future ex"

John is someone at his work he is friendly with

Who is John in relation to you/your bf?
When did they have the conversation?
What else does he talk to John about?

Nice one 😀

That is weird. The weirdest bit is him discussing it with John.

I remember when the humour and retorts on Mumsnet were witty.

Dear god the low on bar on mumnset for men explains some of the other threads.

This isn't a compliment. If you've posted that this is a compliment I genuinely feel sorry for you.

How long have you been going out with him OP?

I don’t think it’s socially inept. I think it’s a bit sexist and a bit manipulative. “I thought it might be helpful”. Why? Are you Vidal Fucking Sassoon? Don’t mansplain my hair to me. And, “me and John were talking about it” is just a further attempt to give weight to his manly man’s opinion. “It’s not just me who thinks this, I can offer further evidence in the form of my friend John. So take my helpful man views seriously because you don’t know what you’re doing”.
He could have just said “I really like your hair. It’s got slightly lighter and I think it suits you”. But, no. Twattery.

John is his partner at the beauty salon he runs.