To think SAHM with young DC deserve more respect

[CheekyFawn]

I work full time but currently on maternity leave looking after my 5 months old baby and a toddler DS who is 3 yo.
I just don't know where my time goes. Between breastfeeding baby, getting DS ready for preschool and tidying up the house, cooking meals etc, it just feels like there is no time at all even to have 5 mins of coffee break. I feel it was much better when I was at work couple of months ago when DS was in nursery that I used to get at least a lunch break for an hour or 30 mins at least or time between meetings to have a coffee and look at my phone in peace. I imagine this is I think how a day looks for SAHM with young DC and it's bloody hard. Many people just assume they are not doing much but I think they deserve more respect.

Do you mean was it bought for me? Absolutely not.

I worked from 15 and moved out at 17 (mid A-levels). Paid for my driving lessons, test, car and insurance at 17. Worked full time hours alongside full time study, then 2 jobs after A levels and bought my house, by myself, at 19. (As it happens, I didn’t do as well as expected in my A levels, but when you have to work to eat and house yourself there are always going to be compromises. I did a 5th A level at night school after my other ones and aced that one.)

Which is a very specific situation, no?

I have been on MN for about 7 years. Every time I see 'SAHM' in a thread title, I can predict, with 99% certainty, several posters who will definitely be on the thread. I usually just jump to the end and there they are, without fail. Every time.

These posters know exactly who they are. They claim to be not at all bothered about SAHMs - no really we're not remotely worked up about SAHMs at all. Oh nooo... who us?

It's a joke. Do you never just try to unpick why you have this need to be on every thread, for years on end, repeating the same obsessive tropes, while claiming you 'don't understand.' Of course you understand why SAHMs feel judged - ITS PRECISELY PEOPLE LIKE YOU ON MN. The irony of trying to deny SAHMs have any right to feel othered / devalued / judged when you are on every thread about them for years on end. Do you not realise that everyone can see what you're doing? Regardless of what you say, it reads as obsessive and just weird.

It's irrelevant really who starts threads about SAHMs. These few posters ARE the SAHM threads because they are permanent fixtures on all of them, despite never having been SAHMs and claiming they would never want to be. I think most of the time people just start threads to bring out these certain posters to reveal themselves, time and time again.

I agree!!

I usually respond to Sahm threads. But it's the obsession that they need to feel valued by society as a whole that irritates me. Just why? They made a choice and should be valued by their own household but why should anybody else value them.

It's no different than the several same posters who show up on similar threads talking about nurseries raising children, selfish mothers who are materialistic because they want careers etc.

It goes both ways and I'm not sure why some people pretend it doesn't.

You'd have to be pretty invested to notice! I couldn't tell you who posts where and I've probably been here three times as long!

It's quite easy to use the search feature to discover the generally awful attitudes towards SAHM on here.

'I just don’t see this though' You were literally rude about SAHMs yourself in your previous comment.

'These threads overwhelmingly are started by SAHMs asking for “respect” and “value”. Not by WOHMs.' Doesn't stop the working mums from hijacking such threads though. Personally, I don't think either WOHMs nor SAHMs should feel deserving of 'respect' from the other. I think that neither should be putting the other down, unfortunately the abuse is very one sided in that regard.

@DExpert Agreed. Always the same people, without fail.

I think that this is women taking out their misery and resentment on each other rather than tackle the real issue which is they are not appreciated or valued by their partners.

My opinion is that women/ families should do what suits them but many are either forced to SAH or forced to work and resentment builds.
Women either lose their careers or lose time with their children while men just suit themselves.
Rather than criticise these threads, perhaps it's an outlet which is safer than addressing it with men or at work.
Compassion wouldnt go amiss on both sides for what is usually the shitty end of the stick whatever you do.

"Hijacking"??? Do you think that wohms should just ignore unfair criticism thrown at them by sahms?

You wouldn't be too happy if it was the other way round!

There's abuse from both 'sides'. Don't kid yourself.

Yes hijacking, often coming on a thread about SAHMs to voice how awful it would be to be a SAHM, or to tell SAHMs they are propping up the patriarchy, they must be bored, they've become shells of their former selves, what do they do all day? etc etc.

I didn't say there wasn't abuse on both sides, I said it is very one sided. The odd times I have seen SAHMs being rude it has been retaliation.

Don't kid yourself.

It isn't one sided at all. Both ''sides'' can be as bad as each other and it isn't always due to retaliation.

Threads about childcare, going back to work etc almost always includes several of the same people commenting about how nurseries raise children, how it is selfish to not take time out from your career, why bother having children if they are going to be at nursery every day etc.

I was called sick on one of those threads for having a baby in nursery.

Oh don't worry about me; I am not "kidding" myself!!! I don't see wohms coming on and saying those things at all! You are only seeing what suits a narrow, prejudiced agenda!

"One-sided" my arse! Open your mind! And "hijacking", my hole as well! Anyone can post wherever they wish, and posters are allowed to defend their stance.

I've no skin in the game now anyway. My children are all wonderful adults. I've done a fucking amazing job, if I say so myself!! I'll never forget the abuse I've had online in the past over being a working mother. I am beyond proud of my achievements. I will always defend my choices though. Nobody gets to dictate to me when or where I do that.

With respect you are one of the posters who always seems to appear on SAHM threads , often with negative comments.

Calm down, you'll give yourself a nose bleed.

As previously stated, you can utilise the search feature to see for yourself. I have no agenda, as you can see from my previous comments in this thread.

I'll never encourage someone to be a SAHM but I have never told a SAHM that they shouldn't be a parent because of that choice.

Can't say I've had the same in return.

Going to work is easier than looking after 2 young children every day. Part time is the best of both worlds. 4 days a week is perfect.

Exactly! I've had posters here and on other fora trying to make me feel like absolute shit as a working mother. Fortunately I have always been confident in my choice, and I knew it was the best thing for our family.

My working has given our children some amazing opportunities that we couldn't have given them on one salary. We probably couldn't have afforded three children on one salary either so my DC3 owes their existence to my choice to work! I know what I would rather have!

My children suffered no disadvantage compared to those whose mothers were at home. The only difference really to my dear friend's children who was at home was that she spent the afternoon running around for activities which I did early evening. Until recently she had a very difficult relationship with one of her children in spite of it all, and I have a really close relationship with all three of mine.

I'm perfectly calm. What's your excuse?

Nope, going to work AND looking after 2 young children is way harder. I've done it with three.

Part-time isn't always achievable. I'd have lost out even more than loss of income by going p/t because the fees for p/t in nursery were at a higher rate than f/t.

Is there an issue with that?

I don't find this poster's comments "negative" at all.

It happens all of the time despite some people conveniently ignoring it. I've had so many comments too, especially if they find out that I work through choice, not necessity.

People see what they want to see.

I never had any ambition or intention to stay at home.

I'm not the one using excessive exclamation marks nor making insulting assumptions.

Chill.