Do you remind your partner about their own mother on mother's day?

[Laiste]

Or do you just leave them to it?

Do you actually buy the card for him?

Do you feel he should do more but you don't get involved?

Just interested 😊 In our case i remind him, but leave him to it AND think he should do more ...

I don't need to, he always remembers to send a card and flowers (although this year they will be with us on the day).

If he didn't, I would remind him because I love my MIL and she absolutely deserves to be remembered. But then would I stay married to such a thoughtless man? Possibly not.

My partner and generally work as a team, whichever of us is in the shop and sees the mothers day cards will probably scoop one for each of our mums, or whatsapp a picture of options if not sure. It makes both of our lives easier and it's just duplicated effort both standing in sainsburys staring at the same display on different days, not to mention all the good ones are likely to have gone before the second person has chance to go.

I used to have to remind my XP of all his family birthdays and things like Mother's Day because otherwise he would forget or wouldn't have bothered. He broke up with me recently and he forgot the first family birthday that happened after. I nearly reminded him because it was his niece's birthday and I didn't want her to think he'd forgotten about her but I didn't as it wasn't my job anymore (not that it ever was in the first place).

The quality of the presents will now severely diminish now that I'm not on the scene to buy his family things anymore.

(But apparently I never did anything for him etc etc.)

Nope! I have enough with working, toddlers and my own mum. DH is well aware he has a mother

Nope, why would I?

Likewise, he does not remind me that it's my mother's birthday/valentine's day/snowing etc.

Don't participate in the myth that men are so stupid they can't remember dates and that it's women's job to fix it for them.

Never had to remind my husband - he knew what he would get if he forgot!

Nope. My DP bought a card for me to give to my Mum! Because i work full time in London and he WFH so bought a card for his mum and my mum. We bought presents together

DH bought me a Mother's Day card to send to my mum whilst he was out shopping.

Of course not. He's a grown man and I'm his wife, not his mother. It isn't my job to remind him or buy things for his mother.

No, because I'm not his secretary

He thinks you should do more ? Quite frankly he sounds like a terrible son and a bit of a lazy husband. Surely his mum should be honoured and he himself should make the effort instead of him

I have to say that I do usually do this for my husband, but this is motivated by me recognising that my MIL is a great granny to my kids and she’d feel really sad to not receive anything… he doesn’t seem to be as bothered by this thought hence will leave until last minute/forget, but it’s something that I feel is important so I pick it up.

It’s swings and roundabouts in our house. Some years I might remind him, some years he’d know about it before i did. Like this year, he came in the other day with 2 large boxes of chocolates as noticed they were on special when he was in the shop. We said we’d pick up vouchers while we’re out at the weekend and that’s both mothers done.

The thing is there’s no expectation on my behalf to be the one to remember and he’d never think it was my sole responsibility

This! If I'm in the card shop I'll always grab the cards we need for upcoming occasions for both of our families and friends not just mine. I just see it as family admin. He will do the same.

If ons of us mentally clocks that there's an occasion coming up we will mention it to the other one. If I'm somewhere and I see something his mum or someone else in his family would like I'd also buy it. It was my Dad's birthday recently and DH picked him up some local beers from a certain shop as he was getting some for himself. We are a team and have to work efficiently because life is busy 🤣

Also I'm the forgetful one of the two of us and I'd be sad to think he wouldn't remind me of something if he'd thought I'd forgotten.

No. I have no relationship with my own mother and find mothers day difficult, he knows that and would never do anything to make it harder.

as our girls gave grown we have fallen into a lovely routine where they take me out for brunch and DH takes his mum for brunch at her favourite garden centre.

I agree.

I hate the often used 'not my monkeys not my circus'. Sometimes I will go out of my way if DH is overrun at work but often don't have to.
I'm also a foster carer and make sure our fc get a card/gift for mum or dad, IF they want too. They need to see how responsible adults behave/ help one another. Some people on here just seem bitter!

I think that the issue is that some women are sad that their husbands don’t value their mums and are trying to manage their mum in laws feelings by pretending that the son is thoughtful. You can’t manage others feelings like that, nor is it your responsibility.

I used to get my dad a card and present for my mum as he just wasn’t bothered, I was trying to manage my mums emotions. It doesn’t work.

DH is responsible for cards for his family, I'm responsible for mine.

We both send our mums cards for Mothering Sunday but they are not ones that say "Happy Mothering Sunday", they are pretty or interesting cards that we buy when we see them in independent shops, art galleries etc. We have a card drawer in the study and just use them from there.

I have this year, I bought the card and put it in front of him with a pen, then I took the card to the post office to send it ( a month ago as she lives abroad) I’ve then arranged for flowers to be delivered to her.
I resent doing this, but in previous years he leaves it too late and her token card arrives late and she gets nothing.
MIL is lovely and deserves to be recognised on Mother’s Day. I’m ashamed at how shit my husband is.

This exactly.

I ordered flowers for his mum yesterday as I was doing mine at the same time. Nice and early as I am away this weekend with my friend. DP is looking after my kids while I’m away because he is a nice, kind, capable adult.

He could have, and would have, sorted it if I hadn’t - and he’d have checked if I needed him to sort anything for my mum while he did.

Yes, I do remind him of the day in case it’s slipped his mind.

Why wouldn’t I help my DH out if I can?
I appreciate it when he reminds me of things too.

I do remind mine as he wouldn’t remember until it was too late to send anything and we don’t live near. It’s annoying that he doesn’t remember though, however, I really like my mother in law and she gets a lot of pleasure receiving something from him. He buys the card and orders the flowers. Only on very rare occasions have I done it eg. when he is very ill or working abroad. My MIL has worked out that I remind him because she has thanked me for doing so. I guess he wasn’t very reliable in the past!

No, I don’t remind him about it. He’ll often ask if I can pick his mum some flowers and a card up when I get my mums which is fine, there are many things that I will ask him to pick up that benefits me and me only.

No, i think he should do more.
Like send a bunch of flowers. (we live a couple of hours apart)

Dh knows it’s Mother’s Day this weekend. I don’t think he has sent anything but mil doesn’t care about flowers. Maybe he could send a card but that’s his job.