"It's absolutely none of your business"

[Aworldofwonder]

I don't know if I'm just exasperated today but this is really getting on my nerves - both here (I've been on way more than usual) and IRL.

I feel we are not allowed to comment or have any opinion on things that go on around us.

Some examples -

There was a thread about parents ignoring their children in favour of their phones.

At a recent in person gathering the topic of Ozempic sales came up followed by a very heated discussion about rising obesity related illnesses and the impact on the health services.

Another recent thread here about people not choosing not to work; I know multiple people choosing not to work as they do better on benefits.

I have loads and loads more examples (excessive drinking, drugs, adults unable to cook or have basic life skills, insurance fraud) but it's the same premise

I'm really sick of not being allowed have any opinion on this stuff in a general way without being labelled judgemental.

I get that they don't impact me directly. But we live in a society, I do believe we are all connected and I think we have a shared responsibility to create a better environment for us all to share.

Slightly off the point but I also hate a justification along the lines of "well I do X so it's ok; nothing wrong with me" I'm thinking particularly of that thread about parents being on their phones. What's so hard about admitting yes I do this, I don't know if it's great parental behaviour.

I've found with longer term friends I'm labelled a hypocrite if behaviour I engaged in when young is not behaviour I want my own DC doing or ideally anyone's ; for example I really hope she doesn't take drugs or put herself in risky positions like I did. In short, I've learned from those experiences and want to protect her.

If society is raising dysfunctional adults, if as humans we are becoming sicker, less able bodied, more disconnected, more selfish etc... why can't we discuss it?

Yabu - MYOB, you're just looking for an excuse to be judgemental and feel superior
Yanbu - it's fine to discuss these things in a general manner

My thought is that you likely do use wording and a tone that is condescending. You might not realize it. If your previous replies were examples of posts and your responses, I'm speaking about the request for recipes, then just offer a recipe. No opinion needed. You don't need to offer an opinion on everything, particularly other people's lives. It often indicates your own unhapliness as well. Maybe work on that?

Ok this is helpful thanks.

But sorry... I've just reread your post and don't know if I'm misunderstanding or not - the example replies aren't mine. The statements or questions are

No I want to be able to have an opinion and hear other people's opinions (especially if they have personal experience) instead of being shut down with "it's none of your business"

Because even if we are only indirectly affected, we are still affected.

No in that example about the drug dealers moving into our street I would have welcomed

"What are you worried about happening with the drug dealers?"
"Has there been any trouble so far?"
"Can you afford to move?"
"Where are you considering moving to?"

Or
"I wouldn't worry, we've had dealers next door for years and no problems"

Or
"I don't blame you, we had problems too... "

Or anything at all about the actual topic instead of a suggestion it was nothing to do with me

The problem with people who bang their fists shouting “I have a right to an opinion!!” usually aren’t so keen on hearing the contrary opinion - or in your case, hearing “It’s absolutely none of your business”. Because that is also an opinion. If you want to express your opinion, you need to be able to handle that one being expressed to you in response.

You are changing your opinion from the OP as you read the replies OP.

But anyway, you voice your opinion or judgement and others get to voice theirs, even if that opinion is that you are just being judgemental. You can’t control the narrative of these conversations

But that is their view on the topic!

Well I'm happy to hear the contrary opinion, very keen in fact if the person has insights. That's usually the goal of a discussion - getting more insights.

As I said above I don't think its for someone to dictate what is and isn't your business in the neighbourhood or society that you live in.

I love the whole e'that is a bit judgemental'.
I just reply - oh I know, great isn't it?

But you also don’t want to be labelled judgemental or called a hypocrite which is another opinion…

As I said above I don't think its for someone to dictate what is and isn't your business in the neighbourhood or society that you live in.

But they think you’re wrong. And they express that view.

This. 💯

People claim they are "not allowed" to have an opinion, when what they really mean is that they want people who disagree with them to be silenced.

You can share your opinion. Equally others can share their opinion. People will disagree with you and form a judgement on you based on your opinion. Just as you disagree with people and form judgements on them. I'm not sure what the point of the post is. Do you think people need to agree with you for you to be able to share your opinion?

I think I under where OP is coming from. It’s like when you complain about your husband not pulling his weight or your mum being abusive and some posters chime in with “At least you have a husband/mum, mine died. Think yourself lucky. Why are you even talking about this?” It doesn’t help with the problem at hand and stifles the discussion.

That being said it’s a public forum and people can reply however they want within guidelines.

You can have an opinion, you can say your opinion. Matter is, do other need or want to hear it

It's not on the topic. If they said "they won't affect you, we had similar" that's a contribution.

I think you're possibly projecting or not reading my posts. I'm talking about all posts. I welcome agreement, disagreement and especially accompanied by further insights. That's what discussion is.

But it's the "it's absolutely none of your business" brigade or the ridiculing of an op for daring to have a viewpoint on a scenario she wasn't directly affected by (woman on tne train observing a mother ignoring her baby) that is really bothering me.

I don't think mumsnet has much to offer these days or maybe I'm feeling too emotional.

It seems to be filled with a combination of nonstop aggression and ridicule.

Sorry that reply was to @FrozenFeathers

That's kind of what I'm talking about. What's the point of that response?

Yes - sort of this.

But more if the OP said "I don't know if I'm imagining this but it feels things have gone backwards in the last 10 - 20 years. When I look at my friend's marriages I see the women still doing ALL the housework yet expected to contribute 50:50 financially. My partner is talking about us moving in together and maybe I'm just panicking and seeing the worst. Thoughts or advice?"

And then a load of nasty replies telling the OP her friends' marriages are none of her business. Or else a trawl through her old posts and a triumphant screenshot of one where her boyfriend had stayed out drinking and not texting.

Well I don't know anyone who would do that thank goodness, least of all me.

The internet was specifically designed to comment on stuff that isn’t our own business. Funny how many don’t get that.

But their opinion is that it is nothing to do with you.

You have your rant state your opinion and then they state theirs, which is it's none of your business.

They're not obliged to think up another opinion just to please you.

You can always tell the people who do whatever is being complained about in the original post because they are the ones who say 'it's none of your business'.

I was just thinking that. Or the posters assuming it's a rant or banging on the table and shouting. I cannot relate to these scenes at all.

What rant? The first part of the conversation (after friend had updated on lots of stuff in her life) went -

"What's been going on with you? It's been ages! Are you still enjoying living in X?"

"Yes and no. The beach is still great and DC have their friends close by. We have been talking about maybe moving this year because there are reports of lots of drugs coming into the area and now DC are getting old enough to be out and about a bit more. Drug dealers - everyone seems to know this family - moved in three doors down. We are still undecided. The house next door to them put theirs on the market straightaway. The neighbours are worried about the family as they knew them already. I'd rather wait and see if there's any problems, there's been a little but nothing major"

You think
"It's absolutely none of your business" is a valid response to that?

Not
"I wouldn't worry, they will most likely keep to themselves"
Or
"See how it goes"
Or
"I hope you've no problems. Keep us posted"

Incidentally friend did not say it was none of my business.