Expecting to babysit at the weekend

[sundaysitter]

My wife and I don’t have children yet—fingers crossed, hopefully soon! Her sister recently had a baby, and now that her maternity leave is over, we’re being asked to babysit when both she and her husband are working. Due to their shift patterns, she needs cover at least once a month, but I expect it will average twice or more.

I completely understand that she wants someone she trusts to look after her child, and I know how much he means to her. However, she acts as though she’s doing us a favour by letting us spend time with him because he’s "the most wonderful thing ever" and "it's good practice for you."

Here’s the real kicker. They live over an hour away. By the time we factor in travel, handover, and everything else, it’s likely to take up at least nine hours of our Sunday.

My wife has said I don’t have to come along if I don’t want to, but since she also works shifts, we often only get one full day together on the weekend. I don’t want to spend that limited time apart.

I’m trying to be reasonable, but to be honest, I don’t want to do this even once—let alone have it become a regular thing, which I can already see will be the expectation.

Right, well one of them needs to get another job that doesn't involve weekend working, it really is as simple as that.

Your in laws are CF wanting free childcare.
Don't go.
By going you are sending the message it is ok.
Tell your wife to go herself but you are not happy about it.
Their child is not your responsibility.
An emergency is complete different.
I would make arrangements to do something for the day.
No way would I go nor give the impression it was ok.

Oh and your wife is not pleasing everyone.
She has ditched her husband to be free childcare for her sister.
Don't accept her bullshit reasoning to gaslight you that she is doing anything other than getting involved in being her sisters free childcare every other week.
She's a mug.

Sod that. It will be every weekend you watch. As for babies always sleeping- not at 8 months they don't!!

This.

People need to consider childcare when choosing to have a child.

One parent at least needs to change jobs/reduce hours to cover a weekend if they don't want to pay someone.

Take a step back and make this entirely your Daw choice.

Yep .

In laws want free childcare, are an hour away, and work shift work.

You would like to spend a weekend day with your wife.

Their shift work and childcare should not be you and your wife's responsibility. I'd be upset if my spouse prioritized inlaws childcare over spending the little free time we had with me. If it became a weekly thing, I'd be rethinking the marriage of my spouse would rather be used by their cheap ass relatives rather than spend time with me.

OP, stick to your guns. Maybe go along once to see what it's actually like, you don't know, you might enjoy it. Can't see how tbh, lol. But going forward, you are absolutely right in thinking this shouldn't be part of your w/e plans going forward. It's too much commitment and it's not convenient, especially as you'd have to stay there, wtaf.
All it should be at most is the odd evening babysitting for a couple of hours and when they are older, maybe the odd over night. I wouldn't get into any regular agreement especially as you're both working.

This commitment is way too much . For a start it’s one hour drive there and back . It’s also in someone else’s house and that is a major difference there . The child will be crawling and walking soon and no doubt the sister is going to be giving you a list of what and not to do . Your wife has no idea about the reality of this yet . It will become a burden . Let her go and she will soon find out herself . The sister won’t even drop the child at yours , as your wife said “well , they won’t do that” meaning they don’t want that burden but happy for you to do it . They are cheeky fs. A once off is different.

Yes people want the perfect village and it takes a family to raise children and it is good when children get to bond with other family and lots of other gem's which is always said when people want free childcare not as much when they have to help themsleves, excecpt for the 'well I would quit my FT job if my husbands second cousins step great grandchild needed me too'

OP, I would be taking a hard honest look at your relationship with your wife.
So dismissive of your relationship to commit to do this.
Not a relationship to be thinking of having children in.

Is she a people pleaser?
One of those people that pleases everyone except the person they are in a relationship with?

If so, they make really shit long term partners.

Well apart from the fact the OP said right at the start it would be twice a month, I think it IS a big ask when you only have 4 days a month together.

Granted, if you spend all your full weekends together, it feels like nothing. One day vs 8. Sounds quite doable right?
But 1 day, let alone 2 days out of 4 days …. Thats half of all the time they have together each month…

So yes that’s a lot.
And even more so when the decision is unilateral and you don’t involve your partner in a decision that involves them…

Let your wife go on her own, she'll get fed up more quickly without your support
They need to work different shifts so they can look after their own child, this isn't a sustainable plan

You won’t change this time, but a moan now might stop it becoming regular and that’s probably a very good thing.

Fuck that shit.