Can no longer be arsed with this person…

[CouchSpud]

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

@Calliopespa

It could be funny between the right mates.

Absolutely. But OP and this woman aren't mates, they don't know each other well and OP is aware she is sensitive/difficult. So it was always at very high risk of backfiring and now the OP is trying to pretend it was entirely innocent.

I do think the woman overreacted but OP must have known she was being a bit goady and chose to ignore this.

Because people do it all the time. The children are often kinder than the staff.

She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’.

There is a deeply unpleasant person like this where I work. We just all ignore her. Your colleague should do likewise.

The joke makes perfect sense given that you work in a school but I knew this thread would be full of people telling you it wasn't funny. If you'd said it to me I'd have looked around and asked if you knew where we could find an adult. We would both have known it was a joke.

People tend to want to find reasons why people react badly to minor things and sometimes the answer is as simple as they are an attention seeking twat who thrives on drama. Every workplace has one.

I would keep future interactions with her polite, brief and professional. I would not send her an apology email. The moment you get involved in rehashing it with her it becomes a 'we' problem rather than a 'her' problem. Her reaction was OTT you do not need to join in with the drama.

People keep banging on about 'but but but... it's all subjective........ and some could be offended!' But the joke was not offensive.......! WTF is wrong with some people on here?

Get a grip. Seriously, how do you cope with actual drama and crisis?!

And calling the OP a nasty bully! Good grief! Calm down people!

Wow, lots of people are very easily offended, it seems.

It was a joke, and I would have taken it as such. I probably would have replied with: “I’m going back home to bed, I can’t manage doors today” or something equally ridiculous.

yanbu. Just stay away from the drama llama.

This is what I mean. I’m not though. I’m not a nasty bully, yet from a few posts you have pegged me as one. To me, your post makes you sound like a nasty bully as you haven’t put anything constructive.

I’ve had jokes with her in the past and we’ve been fine. My original point was that I don’t know whether I’m coming or going

Apologise and avoid that kind of banter with her. Some people really can't understand banter or sarcasim at all. And she may have issues mentally or personal life issues so she is unstable. You never know whats going on in someones head or put of work.

Solution. Sorry. And never approach them that way again. You have to navigate life and learn how to approach people some are difficult some are super easy.

The OP is 'deeply unpleasant' now?! 😂Good grief! 'deeeeeeeeeeeeply unpleasant.' FFS!

What you said was unkind and belittling. You need to look at your own behaviour and have some regard for people's feelings. But she does sound sensitive and a bit immature.

That sort of joke wouldn't go down well in my professional workplace and people would look at you like you're a bit rough around the edges or unsophisticated.

The woman sounds like she has a lot on her plate and if this is known, I'd make sure not to make sarcastic jokes. She seems to have little resilience but good on her for apologising. Why don't you say to her sorry that my slightly sarcastic joke didn't go down well, hope you're ok

I'm sorry you've been piled on @CouchSpud This happens sometimes on here. I would ask for this thread to be deleted if I was you. It won't get any better.

The worry is now that she will go to HR about how people are treating her, making comments. Sounds like a bit of a toxic atmosphere were they work and disciplinary actions may result...

It happens ALL the time on here… it’s rife in threads throughout this forum. MN turns people in to bullies

Why are people saying Op is saying it's a well known joke etc? She hasn't said that at all. Op actually said it was a socially acceptable joke, a lighthearted exchange. Which is what it was. I work in a school and could imagine a colleague saying that to me or vice versa. I don't think any of us would run off crying!

Agreed. I think you misjudged that OP, you have clearly heard that joke before (I haven't) and it sounds like she hadn't. You already had her pegged as over sensitive, so were playing with fire and are now rolling your eyes at her when she clearly reacted as is quite standard for her.

The adult thing to do would be say something along the lines of "thanks, I appreciate the apology. Obviously I had no intention of hurting your feelings, so I'm glad we have cleared this up "

But its not for you to determine what is offensive and what isn't. That's the whole point. People experience things differently.

I hate it when people say "people are so easily offended". It's a classic get-out-of-jail-free card for when you know you have been a bit of a dick to someone and don't want to be called on it.

I wouldn't have been offended by this, personally, and neither would you obviously. But you don't get to set the standard for how the whole world reacts to it. People are different. OP knew this woman was sensitive and she chose to make a joke which she knew was at best a bit edgy and at risk of causing offence.

Working with other people means you don't get to decide on behalf of everyone else what the standards or behaviour and etiquette are, you need to meet people half way and accept that other people have different standards.

It is mildly funny if it’s handled that way - and it was probably op’s way of being friendly.

But sometimes in life people are in Monday mood, or feeling demoralised, and when you realise a joke hadn’t landed, you just apologise- esp if they have been good enough to explain they were touchy and struggling.

I also think you would be getting a different response here, if you hadn't gone in so hard early on when people disagreed, like here for example. A little humility at times and willingness to hear or understand another point of view tends to illicit a better response.

Otherwise, why post apart from for validation?

Worth reflecting on that though.

I imagine you feel justified, but so did she. Apologies, move on. Just because you don’t see the world in the same way, doesn’t make either of you right or wrong.

She sounds the most hard work, to be sure. Drama llamas in the workplace are deeply annoying.

You aren’t coming across on this thread as the easiest either though to be honest! The joke was neither hurtful nor funny really- just a throwaway comment that didn’t land.

If it comes up again, just say “I’m sorry you felt hurt by it, that wasn’t my intention” and then give her a wide berth.

I would also have responded with “yes, can you go and find one for me?” That would be considered
a normal level of friendly chat where I work. On this occasion I would apologise to smooth over the cracks, though, and then just stop interacting about anything not specifically to do with the job. Life is too short for this nonsense.

Hey MN bullies, stop bullying the bully, it's upsetting her and she can't be arsed with sensitive people.

I would steer so far clear of her. Sounds like the kind of person to read a lot into anything & raise a grievance 😬