Can no longer be arsed with this person…

[CouchSpud]

A woman in work who is emotionally all over the place, I can never tell what mood she’s going to be in.

I am pretty good at getting on with everyone, I don’t like conflict and will happily say sorry to appease a situation, even if I’m not in the wrong. I’m anything for an easy life.

This woman finds offence so easily and will strop and cry.

I made her cry the other day by making a very socially acceptable joke about what she was doing. She was struggling with opening the staffroom door. I was behind her and just said ‘would you like an adult to help you’ laughing, expecting her to laugh along too. The door can be tricky and everyone struggles with it. I think this is also a well known joke.

She glared at me, said ‘really?!’ then ran off down the corridor crying. I didn’t follow.

I have spoken to others , and they agree with me that her response was ridiculous. But it turned out she’d been having a shit week, she’s apologised to me over email, which I acknowledged. But she’s now upset with me for not apologising back.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to apologise. I can’t be arsed!… I just don’t want to interact with her at all anymore, as this isn’t the 1st time this has happened with me or others. The unpredictability or her moods is not worth the stress.

Same! Although from all the shock and horror and disapproval on here, someone should report them for 'not being funny'....

Urgh, I would be giving her a wide berth. Clearly she has issues but they're not your problem. You could try asking her if you can do anything to help her as she seems a little low, but I suspect she is a professional victim.

'Would you like an adult to help you with that?' when I was struggling with the door, would have made me giggle even if I'd been feeling blue. It was 100% unoffensive, although I see the professionally offended are out in force on this thread. 🙄

You did nothing wrong @CouchSpud The woman is an attention-seeking drama queen. Every workplace has them!

I don’t understand why you’d make a joke at the expense of someone who you know gets upset easily. Yes, maybe she overreacted, but you should have predicted that. She might be irritating, but it’s no hardship on you to not make the joke, so don’t make it.

I don’t find the joke funny at all and not an appropriate thing to say in the workplace either. It’s hard to know exactly what’s going on without both sides of the story. It sounds as if there has been other stuff leading up to this that’s caused her disproportionate reaction. I would just try and keep things purely professional and not risk any jokes or banter with her. She’s obviously in a fragile state for whatever reason.

But but but, how can you SAY that?!

😂

It absolutely is! Our common response is 'Shall we go find one?'

@CouchSpud The adult to help joke is common in my social/working groups (tech nerds).

We often have a running joke when troubleshooting and brainstorming solutions - find an appropriate adult/real grown up and ask them for help. Still haven't managed to locate one so we have to try other options.

We don't work with children.

I'd probably seek guidance from the union or something before I put any apologies in writing.
As I'd be tempted to put 'I'm sorry you were upset by our interaction'..

So you do actually work in a school OP......aaaahhhh well.

@BatchCookBabe noooooooo!!!!

The last paragraph of this post is exactly what I think.

If you genuinely “can’t be arsed” with drama, just say “I’m sorry: I hadn’t meant it to upset you. Thanks for explaining it was a bad week for you.” Job done. It ain’t that hard.

Well the woman apologised to OP for her reaction and told her that she was having a shit week. OP could just have responded to say 'sorry, I didn't mean to upset you' but she doesn't want to do that.

Judging by OP's offended reaction to people not agreeing with her and telling her that her 'joke' wasn't funny, I don't think that the colleague is the only overly sensitive one here.

You deliberately chose to make a "joke" that, at best, is quite offensive and now there's a fallout, you're refusing to accept any responsibility and placing all the blame on your colleague for being too sensitive/having issues.

If you had any emotional intelligence yourself, you would have known that the "joke" would have upset her.

You're the problem, OP. Try and be more considerate of others.

And FWIW I “can’t be arsed” with people who choke on apologies like it’s a needle and pin sandwich, even when they know have caused upset. But we have to accommodate other types …

The issue with jokes is that they are entirely subjective. One person's idea of good banter is highly offensive to someone else. What someone considers a gentle tease someone else would think completely lame and unfunny. Some people love really black humour, others find it upsetting.

You can think people are "sensitive" or "snowflakes" or whatever but you can't change the way they experience it. So tutting and harrumphing about how people are so prone to "drama" and "can't take a joke" is pointless because the only person you are talking to is yourself and other people with your perspective. You're not convincing anyone.

People are very quick to say "everyone's so easily offended..." I wouldn't have been offended by the joke I just think its lame, not funny and lacking in social sensitivity. Why bother with it it you know there's a risk people won't get it? The reality is that at work we have to rub up alongside people with very different views. Anticipating that not everyone in your workplace will share your view is the grown-up thing to do.

That's why jokes with a snippy edge should be kept for people you know well and know will not be offended by them. It just isn't worth the grief. Keep it pleasant ant professional until you know them better.

It could be funny between the right mates.

But op has misjudged the relationship between them.

I’d take it from my best friend with a bit of chat back, but actually it would annoy me from DH. Relationships vary …

😆

That wasn’t a joke, it was a patronising comment and you openly laughed at her struggling to do something. You don’t know what’s going on in her life, that shit joke might have been the final straw.
I don’t think it’s fair to say whether it’s an overreaction or not because if you have a habit of making little comments like that, then I can see why she’s upset. I have a thick skin and would tell you to fuck off if you continued making snide little comments toward me, but obviously it upset her and you should apologise.

I’m not offended. I just explained it.

So many po-faced people on here this morning. I can only imagine it's Monday Morning Syndrome. The obvious answer to the question "Do you need an adult to help you with that?" Is "Yes, can you go and find one". It's not the funniest joke ever but it's mildly amusing in the moment and it certainly is not offensive. Having worked with many "highly strung" people, I can say that they can lower morale and productivity in a work setting out of all proportion.

Surely you knew she wasn't someone you could share a joke like that with? You have to know someone well enough and know they like a bit of banter otherwise they're going to think you've got passive aggressive undertones going on and you're implying their not a capable adult. Which was probably exactly how she was already feeling.

I'd just apologise and keep your jokes for people who are in a good headspace and appreciate your banter .

It suggests that text can not determine tone

I doubt it. This thread was started on Sunday.

Charitably, I'll put it down to the Sunday Blues then.

My replies are stock MN ones, as most of the posts I’ve received are also stock MN ones…. I see it all the time on here.

I’ve learnt to reply in a certain way on MN, as a defence mechanism. Every single post I ever read on MN goes the same way.

I actually don’t know why I bother posting… I haven’t posted for weeks, I’ve turned to reddit. Which is much friendlier. It isn’t full of people who are able to judge someone’s character from a few posts…. Which is a talent on here, so it seems.