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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL was totally out of order

109 replies

Candlecharge01 · 23/03/2025 15:26

DH side of the family had a get together yesterday. DH had a work commitment so I took DSD 9 and DD 2.

We arrived at 2pm had some lunch and all the e cousins played together. By 6pm it was getting a bit rowdy as some of the adults had been drinking all afternoon. I made my excuses to leave and told the kids to gather up all their things and start saying goodbyes.

SIL asks if DSD can stay over as she has a DD similar age and wanted them to keep playing together. I said ah not this time as we are going swimming early in the morning and will be too much hassle coming to pick her up first. This was true but also DSD looked really tired and it was turning into a more adult party really and I thought it best she just come home with me. Plus DH was due home about 7ish and of course wanted to see the kids.

SIL says well it's not really up to you, I'll ring my brother and ask him. I said she's in my care at the moment and it is up to me. She tried ringing DH but no answer.

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

At this point I was fuming but didn't want a scene so just politely said well it's her weekend with us and we're off. I packed the kids in the car and left.

Later DSD mum rings confused about where DSD was as SIL had rang her and asked could DSD stay! Now DSD Mum apparently told her it was up to us as she isn't due back to her until Monday.

AIBU to say this is totally overstepping?!

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 23/03/2025 15:28

Yes, DH needs to have words with his sister.

dothehokeycokey · 23/03/2025 15:30

In absolute agreement with you op and I’d be telling your dh to sort his sister out for future reference

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

LookingAtMyBhunas · 23/03/2025 15:30

What a cow. Your DH definitely needs to speak to her.
What does she do if she wants to see DSD when she's over at a friend's house? Call the DSD's mum again because 'it's not up to them" ?
Ridiculous woman.

PuppyMonkey · 23/03/2025 15:32

Well there you go, if the stepchildren are nothing to do with you, you should have buggered off out for the day on your own and let them all figure out how the kids would get to this family do without you taking them. Grin

Diarygirlqueen · 23/03/2025 15:32

Your sil was totally out of order and extremely rude. Your husband needs to deal with pronto and set strong boundaries with her. Cheeky fucker

sillysmiles · 23/03/2025 15:32

Except that at that point the OP was responsible for her. The child's father left the OP in charge, therefore it was the OPs call.

dontyousay · 23/03/2025 15:38

Do we have the same SiL? Mine said she’s more of a mum to DSD than I will ever be and repeatedly argued she’s not mine so I’m not allowed to do whatever but she should be. Tears of anger when she found out I’d helped DSD in the bath but dh said he didn’t want to her to.

YANBU, she’s bonkers and doesn’t respect you at all. I wouldn’t be seeing her again unless dh was there

dontyousay · 23/03/2025 15:40

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

Why? Her step mum was there.
if the step mum is trusted to look after DSD on her own and take her places she can be trusted to make simple decisions during that time

shiningstar2 · 23/03/2025 15:40

Definitely sil wrong here. She 'asked' you. could dad stay but was apparently ordering you which is out of order when it is her father's weekend and you had taken the trouble to go to the party and ensure that both children saw your in-laws when your husband wasn't available. She clearly did not care if her wishes interfered with your next day plans because it suited her to have your dad staying over. It is good that dad's mother said that the decision was your partners(and therefore yours in his absence) as it is your partner's WE to see dsd. In any event , when you were in charge and had taken the trouble to get the kids there she should not have tried to undermine you.

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 23/03/2025 15:42

Imo dh has 2 choices.. Tells his dsis to keep her bloody nose out and apologise or you revoke all care of dsd to dh. And mean it.

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 23/03/2025 15:42

Imo sil wanted dsd to amuse her dd so she could get pissed in peace..

SunshineAndFizz · 23/03/2025 15:44

So rude and disrespectful to you.

Was she drunk?

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:45

dontyousay · 23/03/2025 15:40

Why? Her step mum was there.
if the step mum is trusted to look after DSD on her own and take her places she can be trusted to make simple decisions during that time

Show quote history

Sorry, yeah I didn't word it very well.

I mean if the SIL thinks the OP is so unimportant, why didn't she just ask the child's parents in the first place?

It sounds as though she only asked the OP, so she could 'put her in her place'.

SemperIdem · 23/03/2025 15:46

Your SIL is a complete arse.

CarrieOnComplaining · 23/03/2025 15:48

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

Well the Dsd's Mum was clear about whose decision it was!

Why on earth should SIL have gone to the ex when the child was with and in the care of her step mum, on her Dad's weekend, and when the ex wasn't the one to be doing the swimming run early this morning?

Agreed - totally in the wrong to start a row with the OP about it. The OP had been left in loco parentis, and knew her DH would want to see his Dd that evening on his weekend.

Outrageous behaviour by the SIL.

And if the OP's DH does not back her up on this I would not be doing any further childcare for the Dsd while her Dd is at work. SIL can do it, and he can make the arrangements and do the drop offs.

Tortielady · 23/03/2025 15:54

YNBU. You made a judgement call in favour of a tired 9 year old rather than a bunch of rowdy adults. Her DSD's parents seem happy with that and rightly so; their child is not an ancillary child entertainment unit for the convenience of grown-ups who've had a skinful. She's nine, she's all in, she's got swimming in the morning. If SiL cares about her niece, she wouldn't make belittling comments about you or try to undermine your efforts to look after her.

Bobnobob · 23/03/2025 16:00

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 15:30

She should've asked one of the child's parents in the first place to be honest.

Totally pointless her starting a row with you about it.

What? That would be totally inappropriate. DSD was in the care of her stepmother.

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 16:03

Guess no-one's going to read my second post 😁

SwanOfThoseThings · 23/03/2025 16:06

Ridiculous - it's none of your SIL's business at all.

ETA - good that DSD's mum backed you on this.

Threeboystwocatsandadog · 23/03/2025 16:10

SunshineAndFizz · 23/03/2025 15:44

So rude and disrespectful to you.

Was she drunk?

^This^

MzHz · 23/03/2025 16:12

Out of interest, who would be the one fetching and going to swimming lessons? Had your H seen much of his DD otherwise

yanbu. Of course it’s your call if you’re the one there

your SiL is way out of line

JustMyView13 · 23/03/2025 16:14

Tbh it sounds like this totally backfired on SIL.
It sounds like DSD’s mum is perfectly comfortable with the arrangements you have in place, and trusts you to get on with it. I can imagine how odd it must’ve been for SIL to call her when she was already in your trusted care.
SIL massively overstepped here.

Catsandcannedbeans · 23/03/2025 16:14

How dare you not leave your step daughter there! Now your SIL will have to entertain her own child instead of getting pissed. You’re the evil step mother they warn us about.

myplace · 23/03/2025 16:14

ShortyShorts · 23/03/2025 16:03

Guess no-one's going to read my second post 😁

Strangely, I read it the way you intended it! Our minds must work the same way 🤣

OP she was pissed and wanted your SD to keep her DD busy. Ignore, but get your dh to keep an eye on it.