To think SIL was totally out of order

[Candlecharge01]

DH side of the family had a get together yesterday. DH had a work commitment so I took DSD 9 and DD 2.

We arrived at 2pm had some lunch and all the e cousins played together. By 6pm it was getting a bit rowdy as some of the adults had been drinking all afternoon. I made my excuses to leave and told the kids to gather up all their things and start saying goodbyes.

SIL asks if DSD can stay over as she has a DD similar age and wanted them to keep playing together. I said ah not this time as we are going swimming early in the morning and will be too much hassle coming to pick her up first. This was true but also DSD looked really tired and it was turning into a more adult party really and I thought it best she just come home with me. Plus DH was due home about 7ish and of course wanted to see the kids.

SIL says well it's not really up to you, I'll ring my brother and ask him. I said she's in my care at the moment and it is up to me. She tried ringing DH but no answer.

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

At this point I was fuming but didn't want a scene so just politely said well it's her weekend with us and we're off. I packed the kids in the car and left.

Later DSD mum rings confused about where DSD was as SIL had rang her and asked could DSD stay! Now DSD Mum apparently told her it was up to us as she isn't due back to her until Monday.

AIBU to say this is totally overstepping?!

@Candlecharge01 What is your husband's take on this?

You did nothing wrong. You were the default parent and made the appropriate (and responsible) decisions.

Thanks all glad I'm not being unreasonable to be annoyed.

To answer some questions yes she was well on her way to being drunk, I suspect she just wanted to carry on enjoying herself and it would be easier if DSD was there to entertain her child.

DH working at the weekend was a very rare event just something that couldn't be avoided this time. We all went swimming today, he took DSD in big pool to practice swimming and I had DD in the little pool for a splash and then in the big pool for her to practice swimming.

All home for a family roast and movie day so definitely not like DH usually leaves all childcare to me.

DH is going to speak to SIL and tell her that she was out of order and to respect my decisions going forward

@Candlecharge01 Wow, REALLY WELL DONE for holding it together OP, the SIL is one CF! How dare she challenge your authority when your DSD was in your care? Who the hell does she think she is?! 😡
As a matter of interest, was SIL close to your DSD's DM?

Well the SIL did eventually ask one of the child’s parents didn’t she, and to give her all due credit the girls mother confirmed that as far as she was concerned when the child is in the care of the OP and the child’s father then OP has the authority to make decisions about who the child sees, who she plays with and where she sleeps.

Well done @Candlecharge01 I am glad you had support from the right quarter. Your partner now needs to have words with his sister and let her know how things are done in your family.

This !!

And good on the mum for saying it was your decision.

She wanted her child entertained

Good on your DH

SIL sounds like an absolute cow, and I bet DSD’s mum is grateful that you stuck to your guns and took her home instead of leaving her without any overnight things to spend a night in the care of lots of drunk aunts and uncles.

I’d have very little to do with SIL in future.

What a disrespectful twat!

I'm happy your stepdaughter's mom put her straight. I hope when your husband speaks to her, he leaves her in no doubt that she's overstepped and she'll know her place next time.

I'm glad your DH is going to speak to his Dsis, I hope he marks her cards for her because that remark about leaving your DSD "with her family" was bloody rude and uncalled for. Well done on just leaving Op, I'm sure her DM didn't want her child left with a bunch of drunks.

It would have been massively rude to ask two absent parents when OP who was literally in loco parentis was present.

This!

I think you handled it really well, not losing your temper despite feeling very cross! And I'm glad DSDs mum backed you up. DH definitely needs to have words with his sister and put her straight. I'd avoid family gatherings without DH in future!

WOW this is insane behaviour from your SIL. Honestly, if your DH does anything less than give her an absolute bollocking id lose it. Youd see me on the 9 clock news!

Hear! Hear!

This. I'm uncomfortable with an event where adults are drinking & children around.

I used to be very involved in rugby clubs (DH played) we would arrange to remove the children before adults started to get pissed.

Of course it was bloody rude of her and your DH needs to make this extremely clear to her and say very directly that she isn’t to over rule you again.

That is shocking behaviour trying to undermine your role as a stepmother! You handled it perfectly. I wouldn't want my child staying in a house where adults have been drinking all day.

This 100%

Later DSD mum rings confused about where DSD was as SIL had rang her and asked could DSD stay! Now DSD Mum apparently told her it was up to us as she isn't due back to her until Monday.

I wonder if she too experienced issues with her former SIL in her former life.

Totally out of order.

Good on you. And the mother of SD.

Rubbish. OP is DSD’s step mum and therefore in charge. She said no, therefore the answer was no.

If DH hadn’t trusted her to make decisions re DSD he wouldn’t have left her with her. The end.

'Her family' The brass neck on her.

Treating you like a taxi service or the paid help.

Not at all, it’s her weekend to spend with her dad and step mum, dad was busy and she was in step mums care so it was up to her to make a decision.

OP, your sil was out of order and so rude. I’m so glad dh didn’t answer the phone and also that dsd’s mum was on your side.