To think SIL was totally out of order

[Candlecharge01]

DH side of the family had a get together yesterday. DH had a work commitment so I took DSD 9 and DD 2.

We arrived at 2pm had some lunch and all the e cousins played together. By 6pm it was getting a bit rowdy as some of the adults had been drinking all afternoon. I made my excuses to leave and told the kids to gather up all their things and start saying goodbyes.

SIL asks if DSD can stay over as she has a DD similar age and wanted them to keep playing together. I said ah not this time as we are going swimming early in the morning and will be too much hassle coming to pick her up first. This was true but also DSD looked really tired and it was turning into a more adult party really and I thought it best she just come home with me. Plus DH was due home about 7ish and of course wanted to see the kids.

SIL says well it's not really up to you, I'll ring my brother and ask him. I said she's in my care at the moment and it is up to me. She tried ringing DH but no answer.

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

At this point I was fuming but didn't want a scene so just politely said well it's her weekend with us and we're off. I packed the kids in the car and left.

Later DSD mum rings confused about where DSD was as SIL had rang her and asked could DSD stay! Now DSD Mum apparently told her it was up to us as she isn't due back to her until Monday.

AIBU to say this is totally overstepping?!

I wonder how she worded it to Dsd’s mum “they’ve said no, so I’m asking you” seems a really bizarre thing to admit

No YANBU. For me it would be a hard pass taking your DSD to his family alone after this, she put you in an incredibly difficult position. Either that or get your DH and her mum to sign a formal letter so that when you have her you have authority to make parental decisions. In very small words so even your drunk gobby SIL can understand it.

It's what you'd expect a child to do, not a grown adult - asking mum because stepmum said no.

SIL says well it's not really up to you,

That really is atrocious isn't it?

Well it shows what she thinks of you & how important she thinks what she wants is compared to you!

I'm guessing sil was well lubricated at this point and wanted someone to entertain her child?

She sounds like a total bitch and I wokld be expecting an apology.

She was totally out of order, and to be honest if I was DSD's mum I would be very happpy that you didnt leave DSD in the "care" of a pissed up adult!

Well thank goodness the mum is reasonable or who knows how it might have turned out!

It doesn't sound as if the little girl wanted more of their company anyway. I remember very well what family gatherings were like when I was that age and ours tended to feature caffeine rather than alcohol. Too many people and too much noise for a whole afternoon - I was ready for bed with a book!

It doesn't sound as if the little girl wanted more of their company anyway.

And even if she did Op had perfectly valid reasons for leaving.

Well of course she doesn't even need those!

SIL clearly wanted a distraction for her own child so she could join in with the adults 'piss-up'.
You did the right thing taking DSD home with you - she was in your care and your responsibility.

She’s so out of order it’s not true!!!

Shocking!!

Yeah this is likely!

Perfect!

Hurrah for DSD's mum!

I'd buy her a bottle of fizz for this.

Jeez, cancel the check anyone? 🤣🤣

Or just read my second post.

YANBU. SIL obviously wanted your stepdaughter to play with her kid so she could get off her face, and you put a spanner in the works. Probably best to get your husband to deal with her, but must admit I would be tempted to tell the shit stirrer she needs to stay off the sauce when kids are around.

That's great that your SD mum backed you up.

Well no, of course she didn't. But you can imagine SiL suggesting that her DN was being deprived of something she wanted at the whim of a capricious SM. It's probably not the case; how many nine year olds want to spend an evening with Plastered Petunia and her ilk?

YANBU. Is this unusual behaviour from your SIL?

Yes, and the possessive "I'm going to ring my brother." Trying to make the OP feel pushed out of the family.

She then said I'll ring her Mum and if she says it's ok then you can just leave her here with her family.

I've just reread the OP & seen this.

Does she not think her father who she was being taken home to is family then I wonder?

She definitely seems to think that as Aunt she has more say/rights(?)!

Your Sul needs a boundaries check big time ! What did your husband say about this ?

The cheek of her. I'd put it down to her being drunk and take it no further. But I'd remember and I'd be aware that that's how she sees you. Wagon.

This:

“Tortielady · Today 15:54

YNBU. You made a judgement call in favour of a tired 9 year old rather than a bunch of rowdy adults. Her DSD's parents seem happy with that and rightly so; their child is not an ancillary child entertainment unit for the convenience of grown-ups who've had a skinful. She's nine, she's all in, she's got swimming in the morning. If SiL cares about her niece, she wouldn't make belittling comments about you or try to undermine your efforts to look after her.”

And you sound like a terrific step-mum - caring and sensitive to your DSD’s needs and much more clued in than her aunt!