Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

It’s almost as hilarious as the time someone posted about a woman on the phone in public toilets with a kid in the pram, and the OP was told not to use the hand dryer as the kid didn’t like it - and a load of MNers told the OP to buy the woman a crème egg 🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn't feel any guilt for not interacting with my child at 11pm. If they weren't sweetly unconscious or at least heading that way, and I had the misfortune to be out in public with them, then yes they'd be getting Peppa Pig on mute rather than three round of "I spy" and a rendition of Zoom, Zoom, Zoom for good measure.

Although as a parent I'm clearly on duty 24/7, the hours between 8pm in the evening and 7pm in the morning are the "graveyard shift" and I'm afraid the service provided is distinctly skeletal. I will keep my DC safe, I will administer medicine and clean up vomit and accidents, I will change sheets and offer water to drink. But that's it folks, the in-house entertainment doesn't resume until morning, I'm afraid.

How is glancing up from your phone to acknowledge your child trying to get your attention for half an hour, providing 'entertainment'?

At 11pm, they should be conked out. I would put my child in their cot at that time and ignore them unless actually distressed so I don't see this as being very different. If I was going through an airport or out for some other reason which meant my toddler was out of routine and therefore awake at 11pm, then yes they could have an electronic device to 'zombify' them or whatever else would make my life easier and no, I wouldn't be big on engagement unless they were actually distressed. I don't chat to my children after 8pm beyond saying "back to bed, it's sleep time now", but obviously it's a bit pointless doing that on public transport when they're not actually going to sleep.

So so sad, the poor little mite 😢 Mum and Dad should have both stopped for 2 mins and given a cuddle at the very least.

Mums speak on behalf of the mum. When my dc was at that age I was obsessed with dc. It is (supposed to be) biology.

Dads should do more- you won’t get anybody saying they shouldn’t.

I love a good doom-scroll BUT I do hate to see it in front of small kids. They're little sponges at that age and the more words they hear the better. They need attention and connection and just all the love they can get.

That said, I do think we have to remember that when we see people in passing like this we are seeing a tiny snapshot of their day.

From the comments here, it's not looking good though, is it? Are more kids going to be starting school with stunted language skills, as well as in nappies?

Ironically you are moaning about people on their phones, why you are proberly writing this on your phones.

How would I get my 18 month old child to sleep when out and about at 11pm at night? I would avoid interaction and stimulation.
If I saw that, I would assume parents are aiming at the child going to sleep.

I pay more attention to my dog!
side note - a baby being up at 11pm is fine IMHO. As a young child my sleeping was all over the place and I remember my parents letting me stay up with them - meant I actually slept better and for longer!

and the baby is a baby. No school in the morning etc and a lot of cultures it’s normal to let the children stay up late

Disgusting example of mum shaming here.

You say it's late, they could be intentionally not providing attention to get the child to self soothe and go to sleep.

You've gone on your phone to complain about others being on their phone. The Irony here is hilarious.

Not your child, keep your judgements to yourself and stop grandstanding.

I agree!! My boys are all in their teens now and I miss that baby / toddler stage. Too much technology and social media is a curse.

I suspect the kind of people who behave like this won't ever look back with regret.

@Mummy3Plus1 Disgusting example of neglectful parenting I believe you mean.

How is it ironic that we are posting from our phones. The last time we looked there weren't any children calling out for our attention whist doing so.

It's amazing that after so many pages of posts. You have spectacularly missed the point.

Why not, where where they? Surely not asleep? Stop neglecting them! Wake them up and get that speech and language therapy in!

I'm.not ignoring any children
.

judge not, lest you be judged.
You saw a snap shot. You really don’t know what the rest of the day looked like. Previous generations would have left baby in the cot crying for hours. Mums now may zoned out and look on their phones. Are either ideal? No. Do most mums reach their limits sometimes? Absolutely.

Terrible parenting, but not at all surprising.

Smart phone dumb users are a PITA with their gormlessness and inability to use a phone and walk in a straight line/through a doorway simultaneously. The thing about modern living is that we live in a very safe world which has been sanitised by regulation and a culture of minimising risk. People are not exposed to direct threats in the way they were eons ago in the hunter-gatherer days when people had to be constantly on alert for the threat of predators intent on killing/eating them. As a result, the instinct to be aware of one's surroundings has been eroded to the point where carelessness is not just normal, it is an entitlement and it is everyone elses responsibility to bend over backwards to accomodate careless behaviour. If carelessness was regularly met with bad consequeces i.e. pain, you would see a huge improvement in people paying attention and basic situational awareness would be universal.

Completely agree. So many children are starting school with very limited or delayed speech, language and social skills now. This can impact on their behaviour and ability to learn. Then they need to be assessed for a special educational need which is an added strain on teachers and other professionals. The majority of the time it is purely down to poor parenting and poor communication from an early age. Babies and toddlers are like sponges and soak up their environment and crave quality interactions with their care givers in order to learn and develop as expected. Have conversations with your children. Sing songs, make eye contact and smile. It's no wonder there are so many mental health issues these days. Yes, parents get tired, but if you are going to take on the responsibility of having a child, be prepared to put their needs first and enjoy watching them learn and develop!

Call me unkind or judgemental, but one of my saddest memories which replays constantly in my mind just like a film:
Christmas morning, on the beach in The Canary Islands, little boy, aged around 3, just unpacked his gift, an orange JCB mini-digger, and he is digging excitedly in the sand, inches from the calm sea, a joyful scene etched forever in my memory.

Young English Mum is sitting a distance away, on her phone…..on and on and on, and never looks up…
Still feel sad.

Agree 100%. It makes me so sad when I see this.

1. 'disgusting'? How so?
2. I think you've misunderstood the meaning of irony
3. I don't need to get validation or admiration from strangers on the internet thank you. The fact that you conclude that my reasons for posting were that (despite me making my reasons for posting clear) is quite telling

Unfortunately see it all too often everywhere! Sad sign of the times with some families. Yep, just put your bloody phone away, especially if just scrolling, never have it out when crossing roads, basic common sense. Be aware of your surroundings because that one moment something bad may happen is because you haven't observed so blame others!

So sad, it really is. Xxx

@BevPD "The majority of the time it is purely down to poor parenting and poor communication from an early age".

I can't say for sure that deficits in language and social skills are due to those two factors as I haven't done the research but I agree they must contribute.

A little girl, around 2 years old, was on my train the other day and trying to communicate with her dad, who was staring at his phone. Without looking at her he repeated "train yeah, train" over and over again. Yet another wasted opportunity to engage with and teach one's child, among so many examples on this thread.