Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

I don't agree that you can judge this family based on such a small snapshot.

I do agree that in general children benefit from their parents' attention, to a degree. And no doubt some families pay insufficient attention to their kids. Perhaps because of their phones, perhaps because of other reasons.

I also think children need to learn to entertain themselves at times, and excessive attention can be damaging. I grew up in the 80s. My mom certainly didn't see it as her role to be constantly talking to me and interacting with me and entertaining me - she did do think for decent chunks of time, obviously, and I had a good childhood. But I can also recall a lot of time when I was left to my own devices because she was doing other stuff/reading/watching TV, etc. and that did me good - I developed a good imagination and the ability to enjoy my own company.

I do think it's about balance. Yes I am sure some people neglect their kids due to phone addiction. I am equally sure some people constantly smother their kids with attention and don't allow them to develop independence.

And most of all I am sure you can't judge a family based on 10 minutes.

Some of it, I think, is about the terrible judgement mums parents get when their child is still learning to be a bit bored and then kicks off in public. There is a strong temptation to pacify children immediately with devices to avoid being told that you are a terrible mum parent if you can't control your toddler at all times.

Not many wild animals have the kinds of diverse societal pressures on them that humans have.

It's not about excusing these maladaptive coping strategies, it's about reflecting on a societal level why parenting is so stressful that many parents regularly feel the need to check out and just how divorced from our instincts we've become.

Nah

Parents need to expect better of themselves and do better for their kids.

No amount of bleeding hearts and gnashing and wailing about societal pressure can change that.

I don't have a child looking for my attention when on Mumsnet. What a silly post. I don't use tech when I'm around my children hence why it's taken me so long to reply to this post.

I also agree. It's heart breaking.

You have deliberately missed out the most important part of this thread? Did you not understand the thread? It's not about just using tech. It's about using it and ignoring your child...which I'm not doing. You and your friend there are desperately clutching at straws

I had to tell a mum on the bus, who was stuck to her phone, that her very young baby in the buggy was being sick !
I often see mums engrossed with their phones, taking the children to school. The toddler is either way in front or way behind her. Mum wouldn’t know if the child had run into the road, been grabbed by some undesirable or bitten by a dog.
I don’t care what sort of a day the parents had had, it’s neglect to totally ignore a child in this way, plus so sad to see no reaction from parent to child. We used to use this time to chat about things we saw on the way, to socialise etc. Spouting inane rubbish into a phone instead of conversing with your child will cause problems.

I agree, and stop.using the phone in the theatre too.

I agree

Would you do the same at 11pm? That's the difference for me with OP's example.

I wouldn't be engaging with my child at that time like I would be during a tube ride at 11am. I'd be hoping they'd nod off in the pram which they wouldn't be able to do if I was chatting away to them.

Obviously not. A lot of mums aren’t engaging with their children at any time, that’s the point!

Mums tend to engage with their children more than dads. Yet get judged far more when they aren't engaging, even at 11pm when the dad was there too.

Yep. As displayed on MN daily, the bar for men as fathers is shockingly low.

Have you read the comments? Do you understand them? My post was in relation to a comment around mums relying on tech. Posted on a website called mumsnet.

Okay you didn't understand. I'll break it down for you. The thread is about children being ignored by parents who are glued to devices.

Haha so true there’s so much berating and scaremongering around tech on MN, it makes me wonder if they’re logging on through the medium of a potato

You seem to have misunderstood. It's not just about technology.

Exactly.

They are probably always like that.
Phone addiction is real.
How about putting it down and talking to not only your child but perhaps a word or two with the people around you too.

11pm can sometimes be our 7pm equivilant.
if my daughter as a whiff of a nap after noon I am doomed and often thinking 1am is optimistic bedtime.

my imaginary overlay for this scene is that they have been out all day at a family event. Baby had a late nap and they are all tired and weary and just trying to get home.
mum realises in a panic that she forgot to order something for Mother’s Day next weekend and it’s taking the time to do it.
dad is busy arranging plans for his wife’s first Mother’s Day.
baby is awake but best to be ignored or they will never sleep

Are these just bad parents though, not necessary anything to do with phones. I say that someone who does no social media (other than Mumsnet…). Anyone who would just ignore there child is a bad person, they would have done that before the advent of instagram.

Totally agree OP.
I also find it upsetting seeing very young children being forced to watch mindless stuff on screens. I was at the doctor's surgery the other day and a baby was trying to smile at an old lady opposite but the parent kept thrusting a screen in front of him so he couldn't see her.
The long term implications for their social skills doesn't bear thinking about.

Yesterday in the shopping centre I saw a couple,pushing a pushchair, the very young child was watching an iPad.
like the whole world is around the child to be curious about and its heads in a screen

you seem to have misstates so I’ll say it clearly:

Not every post is about the OP. Some posts are in response to other posts.

Hope that helped

I think I’ve reached peak MN. Speak to strangers on the tube at 11pm with a small baby. What a great idea.

I was thinking the same. 😂