Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

Not read full thread but I agree. To me, it's no different to leaving a baby alone and crying in a cot ignoring it (and I'm not talking about sleep training, I'm talking about just neglect)

It IS a form of neglect, no two ways about it. Because a child's brain at that age NEEDS appropriate responses from parents when he/she tries to interact with them. If they get ignored they learn to withdraw. Awful, awful, awful.

It's clear that OP had noticed what they were scrolling on. This isn't a desperate parent answering a whatsapp or text from their own parent ill in hospital or struggling with dementia at home. This was a parent selfishly scrolling a fashion website. That they could have done when the child was asleep. It's emotional neglect, pure and simple, and that is one of the definitions of abuse. If anyone recognises themselves then do better.

At that age DC reached out for me, then it was both of us.

Totally agree OP. The first step in protecting children from the huge damage smart phones can inflict is for parents to stop staring at theirs the whole time.

Seen it so many times. Also very small children engrossed in phone and all hell breaks loose if it's removed. Am I judgey? Probably. Don't care. I saw a comment on the thread about thoughtlessness that they would rather see a child 'enjoying themselves than sitting quietly'. Therein is the problem. Adults unaware that children survive being, gasp, bored.

If this was someone you actually knew and this was a pattern of behaviour then I'd take you seriously and agree with you. You have seen a tiny snapshot of these peoples lives and made up your narrative. Well, let me make up mine;

They had not long left the hospital where their older child had died after a tragic accident at school, they were trying to hold it together long enough to get home so they didn't terrify their toddler by letting her see their torrent of grief, scrolling at a fashion website didn't take any mental energy and was a numbing thing to do so as not to feel the utter loss right at that moment. Looking at the toddler who is the double of their older sibling was so painful they needed a minute before they could focus on her and getting her fed and loved and into bed so they could fall apart.

Now ok, your take on it is probably more likely than mine but the fact is neither you or I know what the truth is so even though this is an anonymous forum and I highly doubt the parents in question would say hey this post is about us if they saw it, please think twice about shaming people when you have no idea what their story is.

I support your message about being more present for our DC and I know I'm guilty of it at times but there's ways to get this message across without making up a narrative and attempting to shame people you've only shared oxygen with for a short journey and not even had a conversation with.

Maybe next time you come across this you could start a conversation with the parent about how your kids were at that age, how pretty something the child is wearing is and asking where is it from, just something none judgemental. If it is a struggling parent needing a minute to themselves by scrolling, a conversation could help and if it is a lazy parent then at least you'll know and can speak up directly too them about how children need us to be more present

It was 11pm. How can the child go to sleep if the parent is chatting away to them?

Leaving a child to go to sleep isn't neglect. The child wasn't even upset.

Hear hear!!

I saw an even sadder picture
Not only were the child's parents/caregivers sat eating their meals whilst totally engrossed in their phones the baby (around 9 month old ish) had a screen all of its own propped up in the high chair
So very sad

I completely agree, the number of people I see pushing prams looking at their phone walking along the street is staggering, almost walking in to people because they're not looking. I know someone who has 4 children, she sits on the sofa all day whilst she is at home looking at her phone, she even has her TV remote on her phone so she doesn't have to out it down. The children are like zombies looking at the TV all day, one has poor speech and doesn't form words properly, two don't talk at all and the new baby just lays on her until it needs feeding. She takes all the bottles in the lounge so she doesn't need to get off that sofa. The house is a dirty mess, it breaks my heart for those children.

Regardless it’s not ok to ignore a baby, it’s not their fault. Grow up and take responsibility for a child you decided to bring into the world!

Absolutely agree with you, what kind of idiot writes a post like the one you replied to!

What a complete idiot you are, toxic? I think it’s you that’s toxic. God help any child you have if you think it’s ok to ignore a young child trying desperately to get your attention! Talking about parents looking doe eyed at their baby, yes actually a lot of people do because it’s our precious child not an accessory to be shoved to one side when we feel like it. Maybe put your phone down and look at your children, you never know, you might find them more interesting than the phone!

Tough fuckin shit, If they can't cope with a hell of a day and are that knackered they can't acknowledge the child they brought into this world the need to grow the hell up and make sure they have no more children. Stop making excuses for crap people being crap parents. This is the reason why our society has gone to the dogs, people being excused for their appalling behaviour instead of being told they are a disgrace.

It is absolutely heartbreaking 💔 but sadly there seems to be so many parents like that. In A and E a baby was clearly in distress/pain and the parents were too 'busy' scrolling on their mobile phones to give baby some comfort. It breaks my heart that such people are allowed to be parents 💔

100% truth. Completely agree with everything you've said 👏

Why doesn't anyone on here seem to think keeping a child awake at 11pm is crap parenting? Why shouldn't a child be encouraged to sleep? The OP hasn't said the DC was upset. People scream neglect on this thread enough but we know sleep is important to development. Why does noone care about that?

WRT your other point, noone can be on their best every day. Some people go through truly traumatic circumstances. There is every chance that could have happened here. I don't believe if you'd been through something horrendous, you would really say that.

You've reminded me of Victoria Wood describing childhood in the 1950s! Along the lines of... two years in your pram in the garden, looking at leaves; three years standing by the garden gate in a coat and woolly hat, watching people walk by; then one day, to your amazement, they shoved you in a room with thirty other people, all the same size as you!

Well said.

At 11pm, they have coped with the hell of a day. The day is almost over.

The child wasn't upset, probably staring into space due to tiredness.

Because it was 11pm.

I agree. I absolutely hate my phone. If I had a choice I wouldn't have one, so much is done on a phone now so it's needed.

I done this in a&e searching to try and find out what could be wrong with my daughter, I didn't even think at the time someone's probably looking at me thinking I'm a awful parent.

Do you not think it would have been better to comfort your child and waited for the HCP to diagnose (rather then Google) given that you were in A & E?

Maybe they'd been there hours with noone seeing them yet? Maybe they were ridiculously stressed and trying to find answers stopped them breaking down in front of their child.

My friend was crying while waiting in a&e with her child once. She had someone tell her she should have distracted herself so as not to do so in front of her kid.

Mums can't win.

Ok, but why does distracting oneself mean scrolling on your phone?

Fuck me, the lengths people are going to on this thread to justify ignoring their children is amazing and are completely missing he point.

You think a child in distress knows you are looking at insta or trying to find answers as to what's wrong with them. The message is the same.. I want comfort but parent is ignoring me.

We are fucking doomed.

I think the defensive whataboutery on this thread says a lot

In a way the example is not a good one as the late hour side tracked the overall point. Most of us see examples similar to ops day in day out during daytime many stated in this thread.