Please, please, please put away your phones...

[User63859]

Just witnessed a mother (and father) totally ignore their 18 month old (ish) child on the tube. Both of them totally engrossed in their phones. The baby was sat up in a buggy, awake (at 11pm but that's another issue) and had moments of trying to get their mother's attention. At one point the child leaned out of the buggy and buried its head in its mother's lap.

Not even a flinch from the mother. So concerned with scrolling (looking at a fashion website fwiw), she literally didn't even make eye contact.

It was heartbreaking. What are we doing to our children? Before all the late night trolls start piling in I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, we all have our weaknesses, but witnessing this has literally made me so so sad. I think what made me even sadder is the fact the baby just seemed to accept it. They tried to get the smallest acknowledgment from their mother, failed so just sat there staring into space. Oh, and watching their mother prioritise a bit of metal over them.

Please, for the love of whatever, put away your phones. We all like a scroll and a moan on mumsnet but do it when your kids are in bed. I'm so tired of seeing all this shit parenting and worrying about what a messed up world my son is going to grow up in.

To those that are guilty of this, one day you will long for these days back again and by then it will be too late and you'll be wondering why your kids need so much therapy.

Be better, please.

It doesn't. But in reality, if your kid isn't up to much interaction cos they're unwell, hence being in a&e, there's not much else you can do to distract yourself in that scenario. And that's the one I'm referring to.

Last time I was in a&e with DD there were no magazines to flick through, some random kids programme was on the TV in the waiting area and she didn't want to talk to me, she just wanted a cuddle.

I was worried. I had her on my lap and cuddled in, but I needed to not be running through the possibilities in my mind. So to distract myself, whilst waiting and giving my child the comfort she needed (not the comfort strangers on the internet deem satisfactory), I did things like message DH to let him know how she was, message grandparents to let them know. Looked at things we needed to purchase for her, and us. Checked my emails. I distracted my mind from going mad.

It's not neglecting your child to look at your phone during a long a&e wait.

Christ, you're a nasty piece of work. You would really sit in A&E judging Mums?!

I am one of those few adults that can walk without eyes glued to their phones. If I get a text or call whilst walking, I usually step away from the main flow of pedestrians. Cannot have full concentration when walking and texting.

Knee jerk reaction. Did you read my post or do you just want to feel like you have something to say? (another reason we are all fucked)

It doesn't say anywhere in my post about judging parents in A & E. I am judging parents who ignore their children when the children need their attention.

Do you not think it would have been better to comfort your child and waited for the HCP to diagnose (rather then Google) given that you were in A & E?

Your words. To a parent telling you why they were on a phone in a&e.

You told a parent how she should react in A&E. You appear to lack empathy and do not have the capacity to self reflect. You really don't seem to have the tools to be a good parent. And yet here you are, judging others.

I asked a question, was curious as to the thinking that's all. Because it is was me and my child was in distress, I would be comforting or distracting them, rather than trying to diagnose my child via Goggle, when I am sat in a hospital full of medical people.

Wasn't judging, I was, you know, asking questions so I could understand the rationale, the answer could have changed my view.

I asked a question, was curious as to the thinking that's all. Because it is was me and my child was in distress, I would be comforting or distracting them, rather than trying to diagnose my child via Goggle, when I am sat in a hospital full of medical people.
Wasn't judging, I was, you know, asking questions so I could understand the rationale, the answer could have changed my view.

How do you know I do not have the tools to be a good parent by the way?
Although I happen to agree with you. I ignored my children when they needed me, preferring to have a few drinks because I had a bad day and needed to distract myself.

"Do you not think....." is not asking a genuine question. It's using a question to tell someone you think your way is better. It's a judgement, not a curious question.

I judged you by your responses your here. You followed the question with

'Fuck me, the lengths people are going to on this thread to justify ignoring their children is amazing and are completely missing he point.'

That really doesn't sound like you are curious.

The fact that the family were out at 11pm isn’t an issue in my opinion.
They could have been travelling, could even be on a different time zone 🤪, the little one could have had a very late afternoon nap for example.
The ignoring the little one while she scrolled a fashion website isn’t something I’d ever do .
Needing to quickly text or WhatsApp or a short reply to an important email that’d be different .
I am older so when my children were little I engaged with them , looked out of bus/ train windows ,got toys , colouring books / sticker books out in cafes , chatted to them .
Screen time was children’s TV at home for quiet downtime and a break for me .
And I did it on my own I had no help , no babysitter, no relatives to take them off my hands

They were on social media x

Completely agree...it's the 24 hour nature of it which really does the damage.
Go back to the computer in the corner; I don't have a smartphone, never have, because I could see how addictive they are. I have an ipad, but treat it like a desktop....it is rarely moved, certainly not out of the house.

Absolutely not. You need to do your own research as doctors are not always correct. And they weren't correct this time as we had to go back a second time. You should always go with a idea of what could be wrong. Children do pass away because they have been failed by doctors so always do your own research aswell.

My child was never ignored in a&e if she spoke to me I answered her, I comforted her the full time, but was also able to look at my phone to research what could be wrong with her.
If you had read my other post where i stated i hate phones and would quite happily not have one if it wasn't needed in this day im age. I wasn't on social media I was looking up what could be wrong with my child incase the doctor went down the wrong route

You're right op. Thank you for the reminder 🙂

I agree that it’s a snapshot and I try not to judge either, but in this case they could have still scrolled but stroked her head at the same time or something.

I'm not quite sure if you don't understand what irony is or if you simply don't understand what I said to you. So I won't attempt to explain why it is ironic, sure you can figure that out yourself.

It's disgusting that you feel it is your place to go online and judge another parent. It is not your child, it is not a safeguarding issue where your intervention is necessary, you are being judgemental for absolutely no reason. This post won't change anything for that child, if you wanted to help them you would have intervened at the time. If you truly expect people to believe you have gone mumsnet to save a generation of children from mobile addicted parents you are delusional. No one is that naive.

No idea, OP, why you're getting such negativity, when all that you have said makes complete sense. (I saw a similar thing earlier today when dog-walking, in a park that always has lots of dogs. Most owners were completely ignoring what their off-lead - as was mine - dogs were doing, as they had their heads buried in their phones. And this is a park with lots of runners and cyclists too, so it's easy for dogs to get into difficulty. It seems to me that it's the same attitude.)

I’m sure I had people looking at me today ‘ignoring’ my toddler in a restaurant. The reality was we’d been to a music class this morning, then the park/playground and ducks then we had lunch together - but I’ve lost my voice! We’d usually discuss what she’s eating, what’s outside the window etc etc.

(I do agree about the phones thing though and I said so upthread. But nonetheless, I’m sure I looked a disinterested parent today. The reality was that my throat feels like it’s full of razor blades and I really want my voice back ASAP.)

Driving back home half an hour ago, I stopped at a pedestrian crossing. I was the only car at the lights. At both sides of the crossing were a mum with a pushchair, both fully engrossed on their phones. The lights for me turned green and mothers still engrossed on their phones. I wound my window down, I said to them, maybe look at the lights as you missed your opportunity to cross, then I drove off. If they were interacting with their children, I would let them cross.

Or maybe, just maybe, they're actually just shit fucking parents.

Occam's Razor and all that.

This is a ridiculous way to illustrate a point. I don't know if it's hypothetical or not - I certainly hope so and if it's your own experience then please please accept my condolences.

But whether or not there are extenuating circumstances in this scenario are irrelevant because in day to day life we see this everywhere. The OP just described a scene and it got her thinking and she is sharing her viewpoint on this totally typical situation. She's not shaming anyone, I doubt the mum on the train is going to read it and be so ashamed and humiliated she can't leave the house for a week.

Back to the OP - I fully agree. It's not easy to put the phone down and chat but it is an addiction and it's getting in the way of her children's wellbeing.

100% agree OP and I acknowledge that I need to do better with this too. I'm working on it.

Also, related to this, as another poster mentioned, please don't just hand your child a screen to distract them when you are going about your daily lives. On occasion it may be useful but it really shouldn't be the 'go to' option.

Could you let us know when it's permitted as being "useful"?

Or how you would know whether someone you've seen doing it does it as a "go to" rather than a "useful" one off?