Reception DD Being Assaulted

[kurotora]

AIBU to think that it’s not normal for a child in Reception to come home regularly with injuries from another child - eg black eye, split lip, lots of bruising?

Our DD is 4 years old, and on a weekly/biweekly basis she will come home with the aforementioned kind of wounds, all from one particular boy in her class. I have been at the school, sent emails, taken photos. The response has been frustrating - a lot of outright denial that they saw anything when DD says otherwise, minimising, implying that it “must have been a fall”. We have seen him go for her, zero in on her and harass her at class parties, and the school have acknowledged this in a roundabout way, but have been very unhelpful. DD is a quiet, shy girl with an autism diagnosis who finds it very very hard to speak up, especially when upset, and they are putting the onus on her to tell the teachers when this is happening.

The best we have had is that they’re “keeping them apart” which sounds ludicrous and impractical in a rowdy class of 30, but we will also get Tapestry updates with photos of them sat near each other etc. So we know that’s not happening.

I feel very powerless and it seems absolutely abnormal to me that a little girl should just have to deal with being assaulted like this. There was definitely never any injuries like this when I was at primary school and I came from a much rougher place than we live now!

Ask for her to be moved classes or move schools. Their response is shoddy and I wouldn't trust them to keep her safe tbh

Move her school if your not getting anywhere

No not normal and not ok. My dd is in reception and hasn’t had any injuries from other children at all and I wouldn’t expect her to. You need to make an appointment with the headteacher and ask how they are going to safeguard your child and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I would be making a formal complaint in writing and ensuring it goes to the board of governors as well. Obviously 4 is very wee still and I do have sympathy for any child who's inflicting such awful injuries on others as there's very likely a reason behind the behaviour and in part I appreciate when schools try to work with challenging pupils. However- it's not your dds problem and she deserves to be safe in school. The school are ultimately letting both pupils down here (and likely others). I'd raise the complaint but in all honesty I'd probably be looking to move school due to such an ineffective and untruthful response from the school. I'm sorry op that must be really distressing for your dd and for you to see her coming home like that.

Complain to LEA or the multi academy trust & move your child. It’s not right that she’s the one that has to move but please keep your DD safe. You wouldn’t force an adult to go and be assaulted somewhere every day. Even in prisons, they try to keep the low level inmates away from the dangerous ones to keep them safe. Your DD should not be assaulted regularly.

YABU for leaving her at that school! Remove her immediately! Imagine if you were getting punched and kicked and have bruises every week?! If that was happening to you in a work place would you continue to go?! But it’s fine for your daughter?

Home school she's too young yet

This is not normal and it’s even more abnormal that the school don’t care. My daughters have been hit a few times over the course of their school career but they are in years 3 and 5 now and I’d say a total of 5 times between them in a total of 8 years. In each occasion the school either phoned or sent a note home to explain what had happened.
The school sound neglectful.

We have applied for an in year transfer but all the schools near us are full. We requested on social grounds and provided photos and a description of what was happening, but were declined an immediate move - I’m really not sure what to do if we can’t get her into a school or if we have any grounds to appeal (I was told by the council that this is very unlikely to succeed).

Just to say, the school have an Ofsted Outstanding which was renewed within the last year, I struggle to see how because we don’t feel at all supported. We can certainly see the teacher and pastoral lead at any time but it has achieved nothing, just “she has to speak up and tell us”.

You should still take her out? Could you not homeschool her until she gets another place? You can’t send her somewhere she’s being violently attacked to the point she has injuries. This will causes permanent trauma.

Please email the school and governors and tell them that they are failing in their duty of care to your daughter.
List all of the incidents and the action they said they would take but didn't.
Advise then you will be informing Ofsted of things don't stop within a week.
Schools are overstretched, some children require support that they don't get, but your daughter should not be in fear of being attacked every day at school.

This child is going to traumatise your child - please do not allow this to continue. Write a handwritten letter to the head, meet with the other child’s parents. You need to tell the school your daughters physical and mental health is not being safeguarded.

Been in your position and we moved schools, best decision we made. Can you pull her out and apply to start reception again elsewhere in September? If she’s 4 at this age she’s young for her year. If she’s a bit bigger and older in her year she might be less likely to be picked on again.

Formal complaint to board of governors
Local authority
Ofsted
Cc in headteacher. I threatened to go to the local newspaper too.
Stand up for your daughter. She is not safe at that school. It is disgusting.

Email school head teacher and chair of governors regarding their need to safe guard your daughter and prevent bullying from happening. Detailing all information.
downlaod safeguarding and bullying policy off website (should be visible) and quote that.
failing that make a formal complaint to Ofsted/LEA.

Agree with others to take her out immediately and tell the school you can’t send her in as she isn’t safe. Start looking for a new school, there’s no way you’ll be able to have faith in them as a school going forward.

AIBU to think that it’s not normal for a child in Reception to come home regularly with injuries from another child - eg black eye, split lip, lots of bruising?

No, this is not normal. Personally, if the school weren’t taking this seriously I’d be escalating a complaint, they have a duty of care to keep your child safe while they are in loco parentis. They have a legal responsibility to protect your child and they’re clearly failing.

It doesn’t matter if schools are short of staff etc, their duty is to protect all children. No child should be subjected to coming home every few weeks with these injuries.

The school are failing in their legal duty of care and this is a safeguarding issue, as per KCSIE (legal guidance setting out all schools’ obligations). Their Child Protection policy should be readily available to you - likely on their website. If it isn’t, demand to see it. Involve the SENDCO: your DD has a disability so point out that by failing to make reasonable adjustments for her communication difficulties they are indirectly discriminating against her. Saying “she needs to tell us” is not good enough and they know it. Stating that their behaviour is discriminatory should get them to sit up a bit. You need to start getting really assertive here: it should all be in writing, referencing their duty to safeguard the children in their care, the injuries photographed and dated. Repeated physical injuries are evidence of their utter failure to fulfil their legal obligations: state this as bluntly as possible.

If all else fails, remove her and get a solicitor to write a letter. That should put a rocket up them. Ex-teacher and this kind of thing makes my blood boil. There are some really shit teachers out there (not all, before anyone gets upset!).

We used to have this too and I was told I was being intolerant of the other child's additional needs. It only stopped after I became a governor.

I would email Ofsted about the schools failure to keep your child safe while she is in their care. Mention the schools responses are poor and they are putting your child in danger. Your child also has a disability and is being victimised and yet again they are failing under the Disability Act to make sure your child is being treated as an equal.
The other child needs someone (SNA )with them all the time if they are violent. Why is his right to education and being safe trumping your daughters right to the same? I would mention gender discrimination, based on the fact he is a boy attacking a girl . I would also inform them that you will sue the school on behalf on your child if measures are not put in place asap to keep the children apart and that your daughter can go about her day without fear of being attacked.

Hit them with everything you can and if necessary go see a solicitor and use the disability act and equal status act as well as gender discrimination - that puts the fear of God into everyone

Autism is a communication disorder/difference that manifests differently in different people. If it makes it very difficult for your daughter to initiate communication (go up to people and start talking) then they need to be proactive in supporting her just like they should for any other difference or disability. If they had a child with developmental delays who wasn't yet verbal they would have to support this situation more proactively and it should be no different just because your daughter is theoretically capable of saying what has happened. Neither does it make any difference if other autistic students the teacher or head or SENCO have known before did not struggle with this aspect of communication. What matters is that your daughter does.

If they don't start accepting responsibility start talking about the Equality Act and the need to provide reasonable adjustments for children with disabilities, which would include adjustments for social communication difficulties as part of autism. If they can't see the problem, use an analogy. Let's say a child has a hearing impairment. The school wouldn't say "she just needs to listen more carefully, she doesn't need hearing aids". Or if she struggled with shortsightedness, they wouldn't say "she can see things far away if she tries harder". They would allow her to use glasses to support the area of weakness. This is the same, she has a communication difficulty as part of a diagnosed condition and the school needs to support that, by proactively keeping the children apart, checking in with her, and making sure she is ok.

By contrast, my DD is in reception and was bitten by another kid this week. She's had a couple of pushing incidents from him before (put it this way, we knew who she would say bit her before she told us), but nothing left a mark previously. For the biting incident, her teacher called us, explained the situation and the consequence the other child was given, then told us she would be ringing his parents immediately after speaking with us. That's the response I would have expected, and I think it's what you should expect too.

Edit: sorry, I mean that's what you should expect from your school for the type of injury my DD has. For the multiple injuries yours had I would expect A LOT more of a reaction from the school.

I very much appreciate all the replies. We’re unfortunately not in a position to homeschool, my first preference would be to sort out or even better to get the in year transfer.

My question is, what can we do when the school basically deny? “She must have fallen in the playground” etc? When we have had accident forms - which isn’t every time - they always state “head bump”. I’m told by a TA who works at another local primary that this is normal procedure as they can’t implicate another child even if they know it was not an accident, but it feels very dishonest to me!

What can I do when they deny there’s a problem? This is why I’m not sure if I can appeal for the urgent in-year transfer, if the school aren’t accepting responsibility?

I’m so sorry this is happening
to your daughter. it’s not acceptable and it is assault.

I went through exactly the same thing with my 4 year old when she started school. Tried addressing with school who minimised. I was very lucky to be able to move her at October half term; she settled quickly and was best thing I could ever have done!

if you can’t move her or don’t want to yet, put EVERYTHING in writing and litter with “safeguarding” and “bullying”. Reference the policies and complain to the head, and if head takes no interest to the governors. Don’t let it drop. It’s not ok.

wishing you all the best. X