Reception DD Being Assaulted

[kurotora]

AIBU to think that it’s not normal for a child in Reception to come home regularly with injuries from another child - eg black eye, split lip, lots of bruising?

Our DD is 4 years old, and on a weekly/biweekly basis she will come home with the aforementioned kind of wounds, all from one particular boy in her class. I have been at the school, sent emails, taken photos. The response has been frustrating - a lot of outright denial that they saw anything when DD says otherwise, minimising, implying that it “must have been a fall”. We have seen him go for her, zero in on her and harass her at class parties, and the school have acknowledged this in a roundabout way, but have been very unhelpful. DD is a quiet, shy girl with an autism diagnosis who finds it very very hard to speak up, especially when upset, and they are putting the onus on her to tell the teachers when this is happening.

The best we have had is that they’re “keeping them apart” which sounds ludicrous and impractical in a rowdy class of 30, but we will also get Tapestry updates with photos of them sat near each other etc. So we know that’s not happening.

I feel very powerless and it seems absolutely abnormal to me that a little girl should just have to deal with being assaulted like this. There was definitely never any injuries like this when I was at primary school and I came from a much rougher place than we live now!

I'm so sorry you're going through this - it must be incredibly upsetting for both you and DD. If escalating to the teacher then head hasn't worked, you then need to report to the governing body of the school. If that doesn't work, appeal and go to the LEA and OFSTED. The school have failed in their duty of care to your child - these are significant injuries. Continue to document everything - pictures, dates, all forms of communication etc. if you can't take your child out of the school, this is likely the only way forward. Has any other child been injured due to this boy's actions? If so, get them to do the same.

My youngest was one for lashing out (recently diagnosed with autism) but this was very swiftly dealt with and kept under control, and he never hurt anyone in the same way your daughter has been hurt - it was more a case of being caught in the crossfire when he was kicking on the floor. It sounds like this young boy is likely to be going through something he needs additional support with, but the school needs to create a safe space for both him AND his classmates.

You can't keep sending your 4 year old somewhere she is being ASSAULTED regularly, ffs! You need to take some responsibility to keep your child safe too.

Can you ask to see proof of the fall in the playground each and every time? Cameras, witnesses, teacher on yard duty? Failing that I'd stand outside the school gates every day writing down proof of any incident that took place, date, time, what happened.

You need to ask the school what is being done to safeguard your daughter. Since she has had so many unexplained injuries, what kind of risk assessment have they put in place in order to forestall future injuries?

If they're Ofsted outstanding they probably care about attendance stats. Personally I'd keep her off until you've had a meeting with the head and seen a plan of action re how they will keep her safe going forwards.

Also agree with PPS saying get a paper trail for everything. If the accident form says "head bump" but your daughter tells you that Billy did it then email and tell them that.

What an absolute nightmare. How long has this been going on for? The school's response is awful.

I am surprised that you're saying homeschooling is not an option to be honest - whatever the circumstances, hard as it is, I would move heaven and earth to stop this happening to my kids. Obviously the best solution is a different school that can immediately take her but if that's not happening, then it'd be home school or childminder/nursery, since she's still under mandatory school age.

But in the meantime, honestly I'd contact anyone and everyone with so much as a name badge. Ofsted, governors, LA, media outlets, local MP. If ever there was a time you need to lose your shit, it's now!

Updating my thread. We have a meeting with the head tomorrow after a further issue. I’ve also been in touch with the council to plead my case that we need a transfer, they were actually quite helpful this time and apparently someone will be calling me at the start of the week to see what can be done.

I am very nervous about tomorrow, myself and DH will attend but he’s very quiet and finds it hard to speak up too. I’m concerned because after this, the governors are made up of the head, DD’s class teacher, TA, and a couple of others who are active. So I doubt that’s much of a route. LEA complaint is possible. My coworkers say that we should call the police if that happens again, but I don’t know if that’s absolutely mental for small children! My gut says it is. 🫣

Am I misreading that the governors are made up of the Head and Teachers? That isn’t right surely?

Thanks for the update, I've been thinking about you and your DD and really hoping it gets sorted. Hopefully tomorrow will help. Write a list of the points you want to make so you don't forget anything with the stress etc. Good luck!

This is what I’ve been told by another coworker who herself was a governor at her daughter’s school. There are a few non-staff but if you look at who has actually attended the actual meetings, it’s the head, assistant head (DD teacher), an EY TA, and two others.

Someone will move out of the area soon enough, so keep up pressure on the council to find you another school place. It sounds like the boy has some fixation on your DD for whatever reason, so that is unlikely to change. We had similar and I wish we had not left it so long believing that the school were trying when they were not.

@kurotora it might be helpful if for the meeting you explain the timeline and any records of incidents/ mitigating actions the school have put in place that haven’t worked. Write everything down and take it with you. Best of luck

As an ex Governor this doesn't sound right. Normally there will be the head teacher and one staff representative. There should also be one parent rep and the others made up of other people with no connection to children at the school.

Re: calling the police - at this age you aren’t calling the police to arrest/punish the other four year old (which I agree would seem pointless as they are much too young for legal criminal responsibility) - you are calling them on the school itself, which isn’t upholding legal safeguarding duties given the ongoing pattern of injury.

Whilst I don’t doubt it will cause trauma. It’s not as easy as pull her out of school. The OP probably works and has a job the income for which is necessary for their household.

op, if it’s not done already, but you sound very on it. Meeting with the head.

then govenors,

ofsted

the lado (safeguarding leading for the local authority)

local MP to get her moved and then I’d be writing to the local press

the child who is attacking yours shouldn’t be in the same class and if they are unable to not attack children at break they shouldn’t be allowed for break. But generally speaking it’s really worrying that how a child so young acts. There should be serious questions as to that child’s home life

OP, I hope you have the photos with date stamp and copies of incident report (you should have been given that).
Split lip or black eye is not a „head bump”

Your DH should get out of his quietness and stand up for his child.

Let them speak first and see what they have to say. Take a screenshot of your child and her tormentor and ask they how are they keeping them apart because here’s the proof that they aren’t.

Be an absolute PITA and repeat like a broken record your statements which are proved by photos.
Ask them how are they going to keep your child safe?

School has a duty of care to every child and they are failing your daughter very badly.

I’d also log your DD injuries with GP. If your DD has been coming to school with the injuries already you’d have social services on your back ages ago.

Communicate with school in writing to create a trail,even to summarise the phone convo/meeting.

At the end of the school inform them that you will be going to GP (because I’d go if I was you) and then police.Mentioning local press won’t do any harm.

Do it for your DD otherwise her bully might go further and she’ll end up with more serious injury (broken limb,concussion?)

In the meantime push hard for a school transfer. Write everywhere you can.

If your DD comes back home with another injury pull her out of school and made them aware of that.

Good luck 💐

I have to speak up for different reasons at school and wouldn't normally be able to, but I focus on my kids and find strength for them. These people are behaving horribly, they're letting a little child get hurt over and over rather than try and fix what is going wrong. I'd take the tack a PP suggested "You need to ask the school what is being done to safeguard your daughter. Since she has had so many unexplained injuries, what kind of risk assessment have they put in place in order to forestall future injuries?" Focus on the fact that the amount and extent of the injuries normal and they need to safeguard your DD from injury no matter how it is happening. My youngest has a tendency to throw himself around without regard for safety so school kept an eye on him and encouraged him to slow down and take more care and he stopped coming home with so many bruises. There is an issue here and they need to address why your DD is getting so many bad injuries. What's happening isn't ok and they're pretty shit people to stand by and let this happen. Good luck I hope you're meeting helps, but even more I hope you can get a transfer, I'd never fully trust these people again.

That doesn't sound right.

Have a look on the school website. That should list the members of the Board of Governors - and the Safeguarding Policy (a legal requirement) should have the contact details for the Governor responsible for Safeguarding.

The TA could be in attendance because they're also acting as Clerk or they were there specifically because it was a meeting about your child.

If it's a maintained school, there should (if they could find one) be a local authority Governor, but you can complain to the LA in any case about both your specific concerns and that the governance isn't following their terms of reference. If it's part of a MAT, then there's the Academy Trust to contact.

You should also be able to access the complaints procedure on the school website - and as the complaint would basically be about the Head now, you go to that stage instead of the first or second stage.

They will be quite sensitive about absences, too - if she were to be off sick due to injuries, that would be far harder for them to get the LA to agree to put you forward for a penalty charge than 'keeping her off school for her safety'. As long as you follow the absence procedure to the letter and confirm that she is off sick due to an injury at the hands of x child.

As an ex governor also, it doesn’t sound at all right. It sounds as though there are too many staff governors. Depending on the size of the school, there should be the head and one or maybe two, others. There should be co opted governors and LA governors or the equivalent if it’s an academy.

I’d suggest checking the behaviour policy and making a note of the points they’re not complying with, in respect of your daughter. Tell them that your daughter has the right to be safe in school and ask what they can do to ensure that that’s the case moving forward.

They can’t discuss another child with you but they can and should tell you what support can be offered to your child.

Keep a log of all incidents and their response to them. You can show how you’ve tried to engage and work with the school to ensure your child is safe.

If there is another class in the year group, would you accept a move to that class?

Having plenty of evidence might promote your case with the LA for a move to another school.

This is so sorry to read about. All you can do really is change schools. Prioritise her. This boy is a menace and I'm sad he's not being dealt with.

Of course they can tell you another child was involved obviously they shouldnt br sharing any details about the child with you but they can tell you what happened
They are failing to safeguard your daughter.

Seeing all these threads about kids being attacked/bullied at school at the perpetrator getting away with it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

OP, write down and have in front of you for the meeting:

• failure of safeguarding
• incorrect reporting (them telling you she fell when she didn't)
• bullying
• physical assault

If you can, find and write down what Ofsted said about their communication with parents and their safeguarding procedures. Bring it in and point out that it is not your experience. They can't tell you which child, but they absolutely can and should be telling you that it IS another child. I would also point out to them that if she came in with these marks from home they would have serious concerns: you have serious concerns likewise.

It's not acceptable. If your DC were going to school with those injuries I would expect SS to be involved. The school need to be able to keep children safe, if a child is violent they should be excluded.

Make sure you get an accident form every time something happens. Take photos, email the school, you need a paper trail. Lots of good advice on here already. Good luck OP.

I went through this with my daughter (I moved her). It’s awful. Bluntly, the chance of you resolving this seem pretty low. All the suggestions are, of course, right… but If the school management culture is around supporting perpetrators and gaslighting little girls it won’t change absent a new head and complete overhaul.

Get her out so she knows it isn’t normal and you will protect her. Parting blows: get in writing to governors, Ofsted, get your doctor on board to make safeguarding referral and write to LEA. Attach all the photos. Then run for the hills. Best decision I ever made (although regrettably I didn’t report to Ofsted as we just fled)

good luck!