Reception DD Being Assaulted

[kurotora]

AIBU to think that it’s not normal for a child in Reception to come home regularly with injuries from another child - eg black eye, split lip, lots of bruising?

Our DD is 4 years old, and on a weekly/biweekly basis she will come home with the aforementioned kind of wounds, all from one particular boy in her class. I have been at the school, sent emails, taken photos. The response has been frustrating - a lot of outright denial that they saw anything when DD says otherwise, minimising, implying that it “must have been a fall”. We have seen him go for her, zero in on her and harass her at class parties, and the school have acknowledged this in a roundabout way, but have been very unhelpful. DD is a quiet, shy girl with an autism diagnosis who finds it very very hard to speak up, especially when upset, and they are putting the onus on her to tell the teachers when this is happening.

The best we have had is that they’re “keeping them apart” which sounds ludicrous and impractical in a rowdy class of 30, but we will also get Tapestry updates with photos of them sat near each other etc. So we know that’s not happening.

I feel very powerless and it seems absolutely abnormal to me that a little girl should just have to deal with being assaulted like this. There was definitely never any injuries like this when I was at primary school and I came from a much rougher place than we live now!

This! Make a huge fuss. This is totally unacceptable

There is no point making a fuss, school have already been clear that they plan to deny incidents. All OP can do is remove her child and escalate complaints once the child is safe.

Update. I’m writing this mainly for myself, so I remember what happened. We had a meeting with the head and class teacher this afternoon.

I prepared well and was glad of it, including writing down applicable sections from the safeguarding policy. The head stared and smirked at my notebook, which was disappointing to start with. Her communication was really quite adversarial and felt quite hostile, where I wanted to avoid an emotionally charged meeting.

There was a lot of denial and deflection, as expected, though I felt I refuted certain points well. This time, they denied ever having seen any violent or aggressive behavior - they had conceded before that there was “some”. I brought up violent behaviour that happened during a school event, and they had to accept that.

A lot of onus was put on DD reporting and speaking up, but I quoted the safeguarding policy that states that SEND children are unable to be expected to communicate incidents of bullying and abuse.

They have proposed an incident book that will come home for a couple of weeks (this week, and the one after the break) before another meeting. They will speak with the boy and tell him he has to stay away from DD (though they say this had been done), we are to tell DD to stay away from him (obviously we have, repeatedly), and a plan will be written up for us to annotate and staff to review. DD will be told she has to stay near a staff member at all times during play. I brought up that I thought this was problematic since she is not the aggressor, but they maintain they haven’t seen any aggression.

I have to confess, I don’t feel confident in this, and felt like the hostile, snappy, charged attitude we got from the head was not warranted and certainly didn’t mirror our approach. The denial was extreme and made us feel like they were calling our child a liar. But obviously, I hope there’s some improvement for DD. Her class teacher was more reasonable and I do think she likes DD, we don’t want any enmity between us and staff, we just want safety for our child.

OP, they sound hopeless. I'm glad they're doing something but honestly, is this going to get better? Your DD will be there for seven years. What if some other incident happens way down the line? What if she starts being bullied by more people?

Is there really no way you can pull her out?

You need to move her ASAP. She is not safe at this school.

I'm sorry - I should have thought to say this before: if you have a meeting at school you're entitled to take a supporter with you. If you have to go back in, try to take a family member or friend with you.

The HT can smirk as much as she likes: she's totally in the wrong and it's her job that will be on the line if it's found that she doesn't have proper safeguarding procedures in place.

I wonder whether you might be able to get advice here, OP? My cousin's wife was getting nowhere with her son's LA until she contacted a charity. They sent a rep to the follow-up meeting. (In her case, it was the Tourette's society: her son was diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD and Tourette's.)

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/help-and-support

She’s 4, just a baby. This is fucking awful.

I wouldn’t be sending her!

OP I would email the Head now, outlining what has been agreed so it can’t be denied later on and copy in the individual in charge of complaints about that school, eg in my area it would be the Local Council Education Dept. Find out who that is and get their email address. The Head can find that funny. As an ex teacher myself, don’t put up with this. Make them wary of you and what you will do next. The response you’ve been getting is far from professional and it needs to stop.

This is the plan, we’re really hoping that we can get somewhere with the council. I think trust has broken down.

DH was with me at the meeting, he supported me with what I was saying and added his input. He does find situations like this really hard but did his best.

“Duty of care” needs to be repeated in any correspondence with them. They have a duty of care to your daughter. Make them aware you know that. Go above them OP as the issue will suddenly become more of a priority to the school.

OP this sounds so awful and frustrating.gasligting you.

I'd be thinking about a council/MP complaint becomes a 4 years old regardless of Leeds shouldn't be blamed for not speaking up too adults who aren't keeping her Safe.

I'm glad that you weren't on your own.

Please report to Ofstead.

They do not deserve an ‘outstanding’ report if this is what is occurring. Lay the school’s failings on thick. Document, document, document.

I'm sorry the meeting was so confrontational for you and the head smirking is disgraceful.

It sounds like you did really well - give yourself a pat on the back.

The school changing it's stance on being aware of this violence is absolutely not on. They simply can't be allowed to back track on this!

I agree with the other person who suggested you try and get some help from a charity that offers advocacy help and could maybe attend future meetings with you.

Also suggested before that you might like to seek help from your local councillor and/or MP though elected politicians can vary enormously in how helpful they are.

I think the school are being defensive because they know you are 100% in the right here. You have rattled them and they are staring to see you as a force to be reckoned with. Keep up the good work you will get there in the end if you keep going!

Bloody hell, if I knew where in the country you were, I’d come with you. The school is absolutely not doing its job here. Keep calm, become a broken record if necessary. Point to their own procedures and rules, just as you have been doing. I’m so angry for you - this gives us teachers a bad name.

Make sure someone minutes the meetings and send a written summary of it to all attendees, stating where there was disagreement e.g. “We stated that during meetings with (staff name), they said that X had happened. Ms Y (Head Teacher) said that this was not the case”. Keep it as absolutely unemotional as possible in your language.

If they continue to be obstructive, you could always mention to them that you are considering reporting the school to the police for neglect, and for negligently allowing your child to be abused by another child, despite repeated request from you asking them to look after her.

How dreadful. I’m glad you made a small bit of progress. Please do go visit the other schools the council say have spaces.

This might be of interest? "Legal Rights for Children with Autism".

https://enlightenedminds.co.uk/legal-rights-advocacy-for-individuals-with-autism-living-in-the-uk/

Call the police and report the school for child cruelty, endangerment and potential abuse.

She's clearly getting these injuries from somewhere. If you sent her to school with similar injuries, a referral would be made and you'd be investigated by the police and social services.

It's appallingly negligent if, let alone not protecting your DD, the school is unable to explain how she is coming by these injuries and I don't think it would be unreasonable to demand an investigation into child neglect and possible abuse by adults at the school. If the shoe was on the other foot, your DD would be in foster care and you'd have supervised contact right now.

Your poor daughter. As there aren't yet other school places I wonder if your daughter could either go back to the nursery class of the current school, or attend a private nursery if you could get funding for her? Not ideal but as an interim measure until a new school place is available (if she could handle that transition with her autism)

Sounds like you did amazingly. You're right to push back. How dare they try to restrict your DD's movement to cope with their inadequacies?? Is the school part of a group/is there a higher level of authority you can meet with?

Move schools why are you waiting, I’d also report the school she is at now to Ofsted.

We have many locals schools but only one has space - and an awful reputation. Our town has seen rapid expansion in the past few years without school or childcare provision to match - it’s an incredibly annoying situation. I am hoping the council can offer some help.