Reception DD Being Assaulted

[kurotora]

AIBU to think that it’s not normal for a child in Reception to come home regularly with injuries from another child - eg black eye, split lip, lots of bruising?

Our DD is 4 years old, and on a weekly/biweekly basis she will come home with the aforementioned kind of wounds, all from one particular boy in her class. I have been at the school, sent emails, taken photos. The response has been frustrating - a lot of outright denial that they saw anything when DD says otherwise, minimising, implying that it “must have been a fall”. We have seen him go for her, zero in on her and harass her at class parties, and the school have acknowledged this in a roundabout way, but have been very unhelpful. DD is a quiet, shy girl with an autism diagnosis who finds it very very hard to speak up, especially when upset, and they are putting the onus on her to tell the teachers when this is happening.

The best we have had is that they’re “keeping them apart” which sounds ludicrous and impractical in a rowdy class of 30, but we will also get Tapestry updates with photos of them sat near each other etc. So we know that’s not happening.

I feel very powerless and it seems absolutely abnormal to me that a little girl should just have to deal with being assaulted like this. There was definitely never any injuries like this when I was at primary school and I came from a much rougher place than we live now!

Traveller kids are absolute nightmares, especially the boys. I have a feeling the school is keeping them sweet so they don't have a group of them turn up causing trouble. Move your daughter, go see for yourself the other school with the bad reputation, it might be completely different now.

I do think it’s worth speaking to police and social services . Don’t hold back, tell them all of your concerns. Also where is this kid learning this behaviour - perhaps he’s the victim of abuse at home…
agree it all needs reporting to offsted too.

School are gaslighting you and your daughter for some reason
Perhaps afraid of being held accountable…
if the school have lawyers ( don’t know if that’s standard) lawyers may advise not admitting liability without hard evidence…
school don’t want to get sued or lose outstanding reputation.
I don’t know I’m just speculating

How do we know he is a traveller kid?

I wonder if it’s worth OP speaking tactfully to his parents . Really hard to do if you’re emotional or can’t do confrontation . OP & her DH sound like lovely people. school are taking advantage of this think they can be easily dismissed.

this boy needs intervention before it’s too late for him ( and before too late for a kid he thinks is punchbag for his aggression)

Yes was going to say same as PP. if you have pictures threaten to go to local media/ newspapers and social media.

Agreed

I would be calling the health visitor/school nurse, showing the pictures of the injuries to social services. Putting an official complaint into the school and OFSTED and moving her to the school with the awful reputation until a better place becomes available. Your DD is in danger and your relationship with the school has broken down. Their reward for their idiosy is they lose your daughter and get to keep the little thug who will sadly find a new victim.

I would call the police and tell them that your child is being physically assaulted within the care of the school, and it's not clear whether it's an adult or a child doing it as the school are unable to give you clear information on what is happening. At the very least, some sort of cover-up is going on, so realistically all the adults at that school need to be treated as a safeguarding risk to children as your DD is coming home with unexplained injuries. It's a huge safeguarding matter.

Any situation at home, school or nursery where a child is suffering unexplained injuries should be an extreme cause for concern.

See OPs post about the offending little charmer. It's pretty obvious from the description.

you don't know that, she didn't say that, and you should keep your stereotype prejudice racism to yourself.

Reading this thread is so so sad :(

I'm sorry that your little girl is going through this. One of mine had a similar problem in Reception - compounded by the fact that the bully was the Bursars son....... in the end she ended up on a table by herself although I felt that the little boy should have been the one segregated. I think that you need to send the head your record of the meeting which should include each event you mentioned where your daughter has come home with bruising where the Head denied it happened; each time the head suggested something that breached their own policies and your drawing attention to that etc etc as well as the agreed action. Then state that going forward you will photograph every time she comes home with bruising and annotate the photos with date and what she said happened as your contribution to the school's 'log book'. Hopefully that will at least mean the school has eyes on your DD at all times so that they are worried about her coming home with more bruising. If that doesn't work then send the photos to the LEA and advise them that the SLT are failing in their duty to safeguard your child and keep her safe at school and list all the ways in which they are breaching their own policies.

I would normally agree to approach his parents but unfortunately they're not the type that are very approachable. Again, I'm not bashing anyone (and I have no clue if they're Travellers, just to make that abundantly clear) but they aren't nice people. They used to shove to the front of the nursery queue at pickup time - this boy went to nursery with DD from age 2-3 and I was so so glad when he left. He bothered her then too, which the school are aware of, but there was no violence at that time because A, the nursery were absolutely great, and B, presumably he was too small for punching other kids in the face yet. They also have a lot of extended family in the playground and hang around in a big group there and in our local park. They're nearly half my age and still at the sneering smirking laughing level of maturity. They have also made murmured racist remarks about DH before (he's British Vietnamese) when he's been on his own.

I am not confrontational, DH even less so, but my real angry Glaswegian would definitely risk coming through if they were rude about my child or DH. I'd rather avoid that, I'm sure the school would find a way to make me the one at fault, and I just want to do everything right. If nothing else, to ensure that we are in a good position to get another school place ASAP.

Are any other parents as horrified by his kids behaviour as you? Have none of them complained yet? We've had much less worse stuff going on and it spreads like wildfire amongst the mums if a child gets hurt repeatedly. A child like this is either not suitable for mainstream school or needs a 1-2-1 who should be watching them like a hawk. Its not acceptable at all.

they sound like a lowlife family & you’re right to do things in the right way . I’d probably be tempted to tell the kid off myself but that’s probably not the right thing to do either!
I hope this gets resolved quickly and your little girl manages to put this behind her 🙏

If you are in Scotland OP Please find out from the Council who is in charge of complaints about that school and ask to talk to them. It just takes one phone call to find out who that is. Arrange to go and see them face to face with all your pictures. You won’t get any issues there and they will know very well what schools have free places or are about to get free places. Kids move schools all the time for loads of reasons. If you want another school I wouldn’t be too worried what the Head thinks, so be the squeaky wheel that becomes a priority. Tbh you will be in a good position to get another school place if they think for one minute that you will go to the press with your pictures as proof, that would be a nightmare for them. They don’t have to know you don’t want to do that. Publicity like that is one thing the Council will do everything in its power to avoid. Don’t doubt that. The school can’t make you at fault as your child didn’t assault anyone. Stop worrying about the school, go above them and keep doing it. Keep a paper trail so they can’t deny anything and remember this is a failure of their “duty of care” so keep mentioning that in every email. It’s their failure and they need to fix it.

You are right not to approach the parents. Insist the Council does its job. It’s that simple.

Do you think the HT/school is intimidated by this family?

I’m not in Scotland now - Glaswegian now living down south in my husband’s home town! But the system of complaints sounds similar. I’m waiting for the council to get back to me - chased them up again today for a call back.

I know I'm not much of a help here but I can't get it out of my head about how horrid this situation is. And that the school is doing nothing. What teacher can stand by and let someone just assault another. I thought teachers had a duty of care.

I’ll be honest, a number of them are local and seem to be friends with this family and/or related to them - we’re not big social butterflies and as I’m not sure who knows who, I don’t want to tell the wrong person and end up attracting harassment from the big group. However, with another child we got to know from nursery, her parents have put in for a transfer due to different serious school failings - they’re also still waiting. There’s no class WhatsApp.

With the other child, she was so happy at nursery, bright and bubbly and confident and lovely. By half term in Reception she ended up utterly miserable at school, crying daily, afraid of the teacher, school refusal. The school told her mum that “what happens before school is your problem”.

Hi OP, don't discount any school. Go and see for yourself. Sometimes management can be more effective at a school improving from a low point, and reputations can be out of date.

What the hell.

I know you said that other school has a bad rep but it can’t be worse than this?? Maybe the other child will join yours!

Is there a way you can report a school for not safeguarding?

Go and check out that school. It can't be worse than the current one.