She ordered a Curry and hasn’t paid me

[OnePeachA]

Friend came to my house

I was going to cook but she asked if I fancied a curry. I said that would be really nice actually

Her JustEat app wasn’t working so I said have a look on mine for places that are open. She picked Indian.

I put everything I wanted in and she added hers. Total came to £52ish. Over 65% of that cost was hers.

I said I could just check out and sort it later. I have messaged to ask if she had the money today as a gentle reminder, and she said she thought it was my treat?

I said oh, we must have got crossed wires then. She said ‘I did cover the shop’

She went to the corner shop for wine and snacks. I got a Grape Fanta!

Where do I go from here? Leave it? Was it reasonable for her to assume it was in fact my treat?

You're not preventing me from discussing anything. You are spoiling my enjoyment of reading a potentially interesting thread, which is why I clicked on it.
Instead, I have had to plough through dozens of your tedious and self-absorbed posts, that have sadly completely changed how the thread developed. But you know that, as you have a whole agenda to push.

I was simply asking you, in a very polite fashion, to go and do it somewhere else, like the weight loss section. That's what that is for.

Exactly

@Singinghollybob

cos it’s excessive

Just say." I did offer to cook originally. Can't afford a treat of that amount. Send your food money please and I will pay you for my grape juice. If she doesn't. No more takeaways!

I can't imagine going around to somebodies house who is cookinv spaghetti carbonara for me and suggesting we order take out insted. That is so rude. I'd sit there and eat it even if I didn't like it, because I'm British like that. I'd say that was delicious, even if it wasn't. I'd offer to cook at mine next time.

Did you eat a lot of her baking for free when you worked with her? Just wondering if she thinks, without saying outright, you owe her for all those bakes.

You can stand your ground with her and be assertive or you could decide this is a CF who has no shame/decency. I'd probably just cut my loses as engaging with these people costs more emotionally than the cost of the curry.

I'm sure though we all want to read the next OP upate on this curry drama saga. I've got vested in this.

I know I want to know too! I am flip flopping whether the friends is a full on CF or if she was actually miffed about something.

I also would probably write off the money and the friendship BUT I am extraordinarily rubbish at being assertive when I'm taken advantage of financially so I'm always cheering on OPs who calmly insist on getting their money back.

She was the one who asked if you fancied a curry!! No send her the bill for her half.

Tell her to enter the 21st century and do online banking. Failing that the 20th century and telephone banking. My 70/80 year old relatives manage this. She's just making excuses.

I didn't until lockdown. I could use my credit card online, but I wasn't set up for online banking at all.

Yes, me too.

OP, I’m sorry this happened. I’m not sure that £26 (halves for the curry) is worth the aggro (or over 600 messages on a mumsnet thread), but maybe I’m wrong here. I’ve tended to find that things come out in the wash…you win some, you lose some. Maybe chalk it up to experience, and don’t have any more meals with this individual?

Same, if ours comes to more than £25 i turn into Joe Exotic!

I went out with the cheapest fucking bastard known to man. They have no shame no. He ‘took me’ to a sushi restaurant with the conveyor belt that wizzes them past you with different colours denoting prices, and proceeded to gorge his massive self on the most expensive items while I picked at one bowl of the cheapest - then had the AUDACITY to tell me he’d paid for my meal and that it had cost loads - entirely convinced it had been the other way round!

He would take me out to evenings with his mates and let them buy him drinks but never offered to get me any, would treat my car as his own despite not having a job and would give lifts to his mates without even bothering to check if it was ok with me, who paid for the bloody petrol! God there’s too many examples of his tight-arsedness wankness. Luckily everyone else could see him for what he was, but he was completely brazen and un-embarassed at how it made him look, like OP’s ‘friend ’. Either that or they are completely lacking in self-awareness, which was actually most likely the case in my example.

The shite we put up with when we’re young!

Ah, the tangled web of friendship and money. You’ve got a situation that could have been avoided with a little more clarity, but here we are. Let’s not kid ourselves this isn’t about the £52. It’s about the principle, the assumption, and the subtle power play at work here.

Now, here's the thing: when you offer to check out and suggest you'll sort it later, you leave a window wide open for misinterpretation. Never let someone assume, especially when you know they might be the kind of person who will take advantage of a gray area.

You said, "I could just check out and sort it later." You opened the door. She stepped right in, thinking it was her golden ticket. And as for her claim that she “covered the shop”? That’s a classic move.

A corner shop stop for snacks and wine hardly balances out £52 of curry. But it’s not about the math; it’s about the expectation she set. She thought you were treating her, and now she’s trying to shift the narrative to save face. That’s where the manipulation comes in, subtle as it is.

So, what do you do? Well, the way I see it, you have two options. One, let it go. Chalk it up to a lesson learned next time, don’t leave things to chance. Or two, call her out. Politely but firmly.

"Look, I thought we were clear, and I’ve paid for more than my fair share here." Be straightforward. This isn’t about making her feel bad; it’s about setting a boundary.

You see, it’s not the money that’s at stake it’s the respect. A friend who truly values you will understand that. A friend who doesn’t? Well, you’ve got your answer. And as for the grape Fanta? That’s just you being too nice. Next time, keep your treat and let the other person handle their own order.

People have got to be taking the piss now about the naans - right?

It's making my blood pressure rise.

I know you were planning to cook OP, and she vetoed that, and fancied a takeaway curry. The meal you were planning to cook, would have cost a fraction of said takeaway. So I would have said at this point, sure, we can get a takeaway, but as this will cost more, we will have to go halves, so there is no misunderstanding from the start. However she’s a cf thinking it’s your treat at £52, when u had already bought in food to cook! She’s usually the fact it was at yours as the basis of u hosting so u should pay, which isn’t the case, as she changed food plans last minute

She is a freeloader and a chancer. And has obviously done this before. Threaten her with the Small Claims Court

Then tell her to stick the rmpty can of Grape Fanta up her arse and Fuck Off out of your life.

“Doesn’t do online banking”—the biggest lot of hogwash I’ve heard all week.

I think you’re right about mismatched expectations

My favourite is using the naan to scoop up the rice, Bombay potato and shards of poppadom. That’s my only issue with the OP & CF’s order: why 2 rice and 3 naan when you can share a rice and 2 naan, thus making room in the budget for potatoes and some pakora.

”faints” at the mere suggestion of triple carbing!

Preposterous, I doubt anyone would allow this to be served in their restaurant. It’s akin to doing a kind of coke off the table!

*line of coke

@Bitofanchange Indian restaurants always ask “triple carb or line of coke?” Anyone with a different experience is being preposterous.

The coke I believe, I mean OP got a bottle, but I refuse to believe the triple carbs!

I think everyone agrees it's a massive meal. For one thing in a restaurant they always ask if you want naan or rice.

Do they? ( to both statements)

Apparently not. I'm not in the UK so I've been re-educated.