She ordered a Curry and hasn’t paid me

[OnePeachA]

Friend came to my house

I was going to cook but she asked if I fancied a curry. I said that would be really nice actually

Her JustEat app wasn’t working so I said have a look on mine for places that are open. She picked Indian.

I put everything I wanted in and she added hers. Total came to £52ish. Over 65% of that cost was hers.

I said I could just check out and sort it later. I have messaged to ask if she had the money today as a gentle reminder, and she said she thought it was my treat?

I said oh, we must have got crossed wires then. She said ‘I did cover the shop’

She went to the corner shop for wine and snacks. I got a Grape Fanta!

Where do I go from here? Leave it? Was it reasonable for her to assume it was in fact my treat?

I don’t think she was saying she’d need to go to a branch to get cash, as she said “Or I could give cash to friend X who lives nearby”. I think she was saying she’d need to do the transfer in branch as she doesn’t have online banking.

Which, of course means she can delay and delay, saying she won’t have time to get there and back on her lunch hour; then something will go wrong on Saturday and she won’t be able to get “all the way into town” (or wherever) to use a branch… all in the hope OP will say “Oh don’t worry; you just get the next one” or similar. The next one that will never come.

I didn't say eating. You mentioned feeling sorry for me that I don't enjoy "stuffing myself'

Erm, you said:
“Can you explain to me what is so good about it? Presumably you feel physically sick and uncomfortable afterwards so I am guessing it's some sort of mental high”.

What on earth were you talking about then?

Oh I get it, you’re differentiating between “eating” and “stuffing”. There you go again, you just can’t help yourself, can you? 🤣😆🤣😆

But I DO enjoy eating - very much in fact!

That's not the behaviour they're addressing, much less normalising, because how much food other people eat is no one's business. They're addressing the behaviour of being negative/rude about other people's food choices. Most people would never be this rude about a food order if they were there in person; polite adults limit their RL comments to "that looks delicious" and leave it there. Being online makes no difference to how polite adults are expected to be.

I have sympathy for very elderly people, for whom it just isn't on their radar or in their sphere of personal comfort; but if somebody chooses not to use online banking for any reason, they must accept that this decision comes with a lot of extra hassle and inconvenience on their part.

The same as people who 'don't do' direct debits - their choice, of course; but that obviously means that they are going to have to expect a lot of extra time, effort and legwork to achieve the same effect. As Mrs Doyle would say, they clearly 'like the misery'!

Surely nobody would actively choose not to use a convenient, straightforward modern way of banking, but then also expect to enjoy the convenience that it offers regardless?

Did you have any of the snacks and wine?

How would two people manage to spend £52 on a takeaway she sounds greedy

This is a good point and somebody said something else many pages back that stuck in my head about if the friends JustEat app had worked would she have expected OP to transfer all the money?

I think when she got the wine and snacks matters and if OP had any - it seemed she didn't but could be wrong.

For example if after putting the JE order in and OP said we can sort it later, friend stood up and said "I'll go get drinks and snacks" then maybe she thought that was it sorted.

But if friend came with drinks and snacks then asked for a curry instead of the proposed meal I don't know how she assumed OP was treating.

I do have a friend who is very good at getting things paid for her like this. I did have to start keeping track and saying "it's your turn" before the plans were cemented as I got tired of it. At one point I realised I was going to hers with wine, paying for the takeaway (also didn't have the app) and getting a taxi home and it had happened too many times.

Millions of people live in London

DH & I spent £50 on breakfast in a London cafe this morning.
Eating out is super expensive now.

Cheeky mare knew what she was doing didn't she?

I'd probably go with: "Remember, your Just Eat app wasn't working? Any method of paying me back (so, whatever payment method you use on Just Eat, for example) is absolutely fine. I've texted you a PayPal request if that makes it easier. You can just use your card on it :)" But yeah, OP you're dealing with a brass necked one here. She's hoping you'll back down, but keep on being cheerfully determined.

Friend came to my house
I was going to cook but she asked if I fancied a curry. I said that would be really nice actually

OP , did you explicitly tell her you would cook for her? And then she was like nah let’s order take away instead?? If so, that’s quite rude. But if she’s going shop to buy wine & snacks then she sounds hungry & wanting a drink and neither were forthcoming. If you invite someone over for dinner then you need to provide food & drink. If I got to a friends for dinner and food wasn’t forthcoming then I’d be suggesting take away too. I personally don’t like a late dinner. Maybe your friend
doesnt either.

I cannot think 🤔

Yeah that's fair enough but those original replies were about the order that OP's friend put in, not anyone on this thread... and it was on OP's bill which she has resisted paying back.

Then loads of ridiculous accusations were flung around about anyone who didn't eat in those quantities.

It reminds me of when there's a free bar for an hour after a funeral. Every decent person only orders draft beer or house wine and they only order ONE. They don't stand at the bar downing whiskey chasers till the free bar ends and then claim anyone not joining them is battling issues with alcohol.

Be clear no it wasn’t a treat if your just eat had been working we were going to buy on yours if you remember; I cannot afford too pay for meals like that at the moment so please can you send over your pay for the meal & of course I will happily reimburse you for my grape Fanta …. Hopefully she will see what a greedy cow she’s being

Exactly this.

I honestly don't know how people expect others to give more than 50%.

I find this such such a horrible feature in people, and they mostly feel no shame in doing this

i had a friend do this to me, said could I order and she would transfer the money and she never did. I don’t talk to her anymore

Everyone commenting on my reply saying £52 for two people on a a TAKEAWAY not dining out would be normal in London can stop @ me 🙄you must be eating like horses as well in this cost of living economy £52 I don’t think so

The OP has stated her menu, it’s not a secret!

This! ☝️

Yes sure, but I suspect the venn diagram for people doing online banking and using eg Justeat is basically a circle. It would be weird to do one but not the other.

I do see what you're saying, and I'm inclined to agree that OP's friend probably did stuff her pockets with naan bread, and/or put the packaged snacks in her handbag to leave room for extra rice, but I say that because she's clearly a CF, not because there's a golden ratio of carbs to curry that we must all abide by. It is relevant that by OP's count, she ordered most of the food, and took home most of the stuff she paid for. It's less relevant to work out what 'normal' eating is, and you're going to get defensive comments if you do that.

Some people use "I'll transfer you the money" as an alternative to "Can you lend me?" - both of them deliberately meaning "Give me" - but they think that lying about supposedly meaning to repay you somehow sugar coats it.