She ordered a Curry and hasn’t paid me

[OnePeachA]

Friend came to my house

I was going to cook but she asked if I fancied a curry. I said that would be really nice actually

Her JustEat app wasn’t working so I said have a look on mine for places that are open. She picked Indian.

I put everything I wanted in and she added hers. Total came to £52ish. Over 65% of that cost was hers.

I said I could just check out and sort it later. I have messaged to ask if she had the money today as a gentle reminder, and she said she thought it was my treat?

I said oh, we must have got crossed wires then. She said ‘I did cover the shop’

She went to the corner shop for wine and snacks. I got a Grape Fanta!

Where do I go from here? Leave it? Was it reasonable for her to assume it was in fact my treat?

'supposed to'? What happens if you don't? Do the food police come round?
Have you never heard of half rice half chips?

What a total CF!!! Re. her latest reply. Absolute cheek and further attempts to wriggle out of paying because it will be "oh so tricky" to organise. Think she's still hoping you'll say to forget it. The bill seems huge for what you had! But that's beside the point.

Maybe OP has quite a bit more money than the guest so it would seem natural to buy her a meal. Maybe the guest spent money just to get to OP’s house so it seemed a fair distribution of finances for the weekend overall. Maybe the guest is always with her bloke who pays for stuff, and she’s not used to paying. Maybe OP’s cooking is dire and the guest is broke.
the main take away from this - apart from the huge amount of sweet Nan - is that communication is key: if you are puzzled as to how to speak clearly about a financial glitch you are in a pickle bigger than the current one.

I’ve also done a check and it’s around £44 including delivery fee. I’ve assumed single servings unless stated.

I just wouldnt be friends anymore. Not saying Im right, but bringing it up and her sending the money, would just have me cringing inside out and be annoyed, so I wouldnt want to be friends anyway. And her doing this would just sour it completely. I just cant abide tight people.

Messy, OP. You said you were going to cook. Presumably you weren't going to charge her for that?

Your friend suggested a takeaway - that was your cue to say, 'Great, let's pay halves' or 'pay for what we order' - before that order was made.

Make a point of being upfront and clear so that no wine or grape fantas will be purchased to further muddy this friendship.

Op hasn't said where she lives, though. Getting mine and my husband's usual order from my local Chinese (in a village on the GM-Cheshire border) came in at least 10 pounds cheaper than when we ordered it from my friend's local in Waltham Abbey, but similar to the price we paid to another takeaway in Leicester.

If someone is turning down the food you’ve offered to cook them, you don’t need to specify that they’ll have to pay for their takeaway.

Why three naans?? @OnePeachA

Interesting that she manages to use the JustEat app (has it on her phone), but doesn't have access to online banking??? Don't most apps link to your online bank?!

Why not?

Why would an adult with half a brain think that a takeaway was a freebie compared to something rustled up at home?

Because it sounds excessive when they are also having rice and curry etc.

I stopped doing takeaways because they are just too expensive where I am now now.

There are no rules though. 😁

I was doing online purchases long before I got a banking app.

This thread has been very interesting in regards to what people think should be ordered and what shouldn’t be at a Indian😂

I am intrigued that someone thinks it’s either rice or naan! We have both and so do a lot of people I know when we have been out for an Indian meal. Don’t think I could eat my Indian without a naan bread covered in mint sauce dipped in my rice😂😂

Bet you don't see your money for weeks, If ever! She'll be hoping you give up on getting it back.

Make it as awkward for her as possible. Ask her what day this coming week you will get it back with either option before you decide as you need it back as soon as possible. Or tell her if she doesn't want to do internet banking she can drop it through the letter box anytime today, easier than visiting the bank.

Fucking hell OP no wonder she suggested a curry. Sounds very rubbery

How do you get to pass judgement on what and how much other people eat?

As I said earlier, I have had this experience when someone's invited me to dinner and when I arrived they've said they're ordering in. It's always been either explicitly said or implicitly understood that it's their treat, just like if they cooked it would also be their 'treat' – I can't imagine someone inviting me for dinner and then asking me to pay for part of the food shopping, and this isn't really any different. However, as I also said, this is always made very clear in my experience, which is the difference here and why I think this person was a cheeky fucker.

Where did the friend turn down the food? OP didn't say that she'd cooked. Just that friend suggested a takeway. "I was going to cook' isn't "I cooked'.

Yes, this is how it is in my world too. If you host, you pay. Whether you cook or get a takeaway in.

Etiquette rules prevent bad feeling if they're followed - or if you're just clear upfront as to who is paying for what so that everyone knows the score. Not difficult.

just like if they cooked it would also be their 'treat' – I can't imagine someone inviting me for dinner and then asking me to pay for part of the food shopping, and this isn't really any different.

the difference is the cost @MarkWithaC

Surely you can work that one out?

Well, somebody with a fully-functioning brain who doesn't pretend to be hosting when they're not. Or someone who thinks 'let's split it' before the order is placed.