Sad about reaction to summer residential trip but is it a sign of the times?

[Flowersinthehood]

DC is in year 5, we were speaking amongst us (the parents in the class) about the year six residential trip next year. It’s five days, three hours drive away doing activities and stuff that most children would probably enjoy doing with their friends.
My DC has SEN and is emotionally about two years younger. She still needs some help with dressing, time management etc, making sure she has things she needs, even more so than most kids of her age.
That said, I really want her to go on the residential trip. I have such fond memories of my trip. I know she’s not me though, and she’s not a kid of the nineties.
So many other parents said they didn’t think their kids would go, or they didn’t want them to. The main reason was anxiety (the child’s), them not trusting school, didn’t see a need for it as they did lots of activities ‘as a family’ (failing to see how much more fun it would be with friends), kids haven’t slept in anyone else’s house or been apart from them.
It made me think about how much has changed. I grew up in a council estate (whilst we live in an affluent area now) and we were out and about on our bikes. Kids walked to the local shop on their own from around 7, no real discussion of stranger danger.
My DC hasn’t had any of these experiences. We parents manage her social life, we are cautious about knowing friends families before she goes for play dates. I’m a single parent so she goes to her dads for sleepovers but hasn’t been anywhere else to sleep.
Are we unrealistic to expect our children to cope with the same things at the same age when they have so much less freedom?

I was reading this thread and thinking that Covid probably had a lot to do with it and the impact it would have on children.

Yes, this x1000

the lack of resilience now is alarming societal ill.

my grandfather born 1902 in Bristol left home at 14 and sailed the world on merchant ships. Eventually came home 40 years later having married and fathered my dad in America. Had an excellent career with Ford.

Nowadays people wont let their little wimps go to the corner shop at 14. Sad.

There is something very important about seeing how other people live too. Seeing what families have for breakfast or how their parents are as a couple. I remember finding two parent families fascinating as a kid, and not in a good way. Yeah there were some not great bits, but it honestly made me stronger.
I wouldn’t want to only experience other people (and I mean really experience them) for the first time at 19.
As a woman we unfortunately have a whole lifetime of shit from men to put up with. Is it slightly better to have a slower stream of shit from age 12 rather than be bombarded at 19? I don’t know I’m just asking, maybe it builds our resilience?
As I said, I work in MH. From my observation, those who grew up in very protected homes are not less likely to experience MH struggles. It’s not as if you can raise them in a bubble and they’re fine at 18.
My BF has autism. She went on the residentials and says although she hated so many parts of it (and I remember her crying) she was glad she went. Deciding that your autistic child won’t cope and therefore you make the decision that they won’t go is also kind of ableist and leads to more isolation.

They probably can’t afford it. Residentials are so expensive.

I didn’t have a particularly free-range childhood, but I went on residentials from an early age. I did a week-long PGL trip when I was 7, which helped get me used to being away from home and not getting so homesick. I think children now have had less opportunity to stay away from home due to covid. Some parents were definitely worried about their children going on the residentials when my two were at primary school, but everyone went in the end.

@K1ndW0rdsthey can afford it, there’s lots of money around here. So much so that more than one parent has assumed I get free school meals as I’m a single parent. I had to explain it’s based on income. You can offer a contribution too, I’m pretty sure if your child is classed as pupil premium kids they are free.

Not necessarily so and those just over definitely wouldn’t. Many families will be finding things quite tight atm and would rather put the money towards a family holiday now.

I don’t agree that all children should go and enjoy sleepovers - some just don’t. I have two children. One will happily go for a sleepover at grandparents and loves it and the other has tried multiple times and always ends up wanting to come home before bed. They’re still only young and for now, I’m happy for them to want to be at home in their own bed with us in the house if that’s what they want.

thanks for your reply. So interesting how different things can be. There was a thread about women’s experience of male assault throughout life about a week ago and many were like me an had experienced a lot and some said they had not. I really wonder why there’s such a disparity between people’s experience. Just luck I suppose?

I also had all those hair crimping and make up fun having times too. It was just smattered with these bizarre episodes.. I was allowed out at 12 to the shops and by 14 was out late. 15 was off completely really. Very little control from parents they just expected me to tell them where they were and behave. The one person I knew (of hundreds who would go out and congregate in the evenings at weekends) who had a curfew was a total stand out. Although they just engaged in non-parental approved behaviours before 9pm then went home.

There is just far to many cars on the roads now,hardly any green space left to let kids be kids,I used to be able to play kerby for hours,go on adventures as we called them,all the mums knew each other,times change.

My DD turned 23 this week, (brilliant age, she now knows how much she doesn't know!). She sat in the garden with me and thanked me for trusting her and letting her have graduated freedom most of her peers didn't get. She first went to a residential aged four with her French primary school; flew as an unaccompanied minor between UK and France every Easter between 6 and 14 (45 min flight); and was allowed to use local buses and trains as long as she stayed in contact as a teen. She is confident and careful, - and still alive - as well as grateful.

ETA and isn't afrid of crossing the road

From a parents perspective, there is a lot more awareness of the risks of unsafe adults/sexual predators being attracted to roles such as scout leader, sports coaching etc. This may possibly be playing some part in adding to parental anxieties.
Before I'm jumped on, yes of course I'm aware that there are many thousands of wonderful adults in these roles, and my own child was a beaver/cub, and also went in the school residential in year 6 (14 now). But, the risks exist.

The “risks” have always existed and are arguably far better managed now than at any other time. They aren’t a good enough reason to stop kids doing normal life stuff such as school trips!

I really hate these threads which mostly contain the privileged bragging about how much freedom their kids have and how much better they are.

Some kids live in far less safe places than others, some have parents with a lot less money- flights abroad every year are out of the question for many children with their family let alone as an expensive add on.

What age is yr 5/6?

We’re in France. DS did his first 5 day / 4 night residential in the last year of nursery, so 4/ 5 years old. In his first 2 years at primary school (they start at 6, but he’s very late in the year) he did same length of trip, but ski trips this time.

No phones obvs. We had a few photos emailed to us each day, plus a postcard that arrived the week after he was home 😂

I guess it’s cultural. He told me that everyone cried at the first one, but they just had to get on with it. French kids often spend weeks in the summer holidays with grand parents from a very young age, as the parents have to work, so they are very used to it and culturally it’s very normal. I think there were three nursery classes, so maybe 60 kids, plus 3 teachers and 3 parents. Only 2 kids didn’t go - both because the centre couldn’t guarantee the food would comply with the religious beliefs.

@rickyrickygrimes Yr5/6 are 9-11 yos.

It’s the length of the trip and the distance. They should have chosen somewhere closer for two or a maximum of 3 nights. Also lockdown kept families together - my 7.5 year old has never stayed at anyone’s house without us, not even grandparents’.

Can you remember how you felt on that trip at 7? Was it difficult to adjust or did the fun activities make it easier? Just wondering because my DS is 7 and wants to go summer camp this year but he's never slept away from home before and not sure if he'd actually change his mind once the reality set in (he's very keen on his bedtime and morning cuddles with me!)

I have very fond memories of my year 6 residential, one of the best times of primary school. Now I live abroad and schools don't do residentials here (except my DD's class will go to Germany in 9th grade for their exchange project but only one class gets to do that, but they're 15/16 by that point) so less opportunity for children to experience those exciting adventures away from home with their friends. I put DD in scouts as soon as she was old enough (7) so that she could experience that with camps but she has always been very independent and never had an issue being away from home (started sleepovers at 3 with her best friend/aunty who is 3 years older than her) but DS is a completely different child and might be more anxious about such things and has never had the opportunity for a sleepover so hasn't had the chance to test it out.

Oh for goodness’ sake, don’t be so silly. That’s not what people are saying at all. And if children have chaotic home lives, then 3 days on a well run school trip is probably no bad thing at all.

And what’s the worst that happens if they’re away for a few days and don’t like it? Putting up with some discomfort and having to deal with own brand breakfast cereal is not a big deal, despite what some posters will have you think. Perhaps the child might come home with a renewed appreciation for what they have?

How ignorant. There are many many children in this country handling far more than own brand cereal. Pretty much sums it up as regards the ignorance re the priviledged.

Firstly, well done for volunteering .Huge commitment, often under appreciated

I wonder if some parents are reluctant to send children on residential camps in case a male child / trans girl might be sharing the tent with their daughters. I've read on here that guides policy is not to tell other parents. This would worry me

Genuine question, do you think this could be a factor?

Well considering how few trans children there are I seriously doubt it and not all parents are as transphobic as you.

@K1ndW0rdsbut those kids have always existed. Like I said, my primary school was classed as being in a deprived area, huge amounts of drugs, neglect, parents in prison, parents who were addicts, being raised by nan’s etc was common.
Yet all of those kids bear 1 went on the year 6 residential trip in my primary school. I don’t know how. I can’t remember if any of them were upset or dsyregulated at being out of ‘the island’ which is what our area was called. It was clear they all had a good time.

There are a whole host more things children have to contend with now and people were better off then. Residential trips are expensive particularly when families are struggling to afford family holidays .