To think 42 is too old for a baby?

[UnknownClam]

Posting under a NC for this as I know it might be controversial, but I need to get this off my chest.

A friend of mine has just announced she’s TTC at 42. She already has two DC (youngest is 10) and has suddenly decided she “really wants one last baby.” I know it’s her life, her choice, but I can’t help but feel like it’s too old.

I had my last DC at 38, and even then, I found the sleepless nights brutal. I can’t imagine doing it in my 40s. Also, by the time the child is a teen, she’ll be in her late 50s! And I hate to say it, but the risks of pregnancy complications and things like Down’s syndrome are much higher at that age.

She asked me what I thought, and I just smiled and said, “That’s exciting!” because I didn’t want to be rude. But deep down, I feel like it’s a bit selfish. AIBU? Would love to hear from anyone who had a baby in their 40s how was it?

Be gentle! Not trying to be a cow, just genuinely wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way.

It's too old for me. And you, by the sounds of it

But then again,I won't be the one starting again, night feeds, leaking, nappies, etc..... neither will it be you. So mind your own.

Geriatric mothers have the right to do as they wish.

Currently sat here 14 weeks pregnant, 44 years old, will be 45 when baby arrives.

Mhmm, you're absolutely right OP, selfish bastard I am.....

Oh you are definitely judgemental OP (I don't calm women animal names personally). I had my last at 40 and that was completely fine. And you having one at 38 hardly makes you a spring chicken either. What is this severe and selfish decline, you feel between 38 and 42? Has something happened that has significantly aged you in these last couple of years?

I wish your friend all the best, and you should too.

My SIL has just had my niece at 42. Whilst I think its on the later side because my oldest baby is now nearly 18 and I couldn't face the sleepless night these days that is just my opinion. Her and my brother are totally in love with there baby and she will have a lovely life. I do think they will be hit hard financially as they have very much had the dual income no kids lifestyle until now. Where we live is shocking for childcare prices and there both mid earners in the 40k bracket.

I agree with PP that it's the age gap that's the issue here, not mum's age.

My parents had two DC in their 40s when me and my other siblings were all at secondary school. We didn't mind at the time, but later on (when younger DC were teens and eg going on safari with mum and dad when at that age we'd had a wet caravan in Wales with two toddlers, and then doing much better with uni and career as parents didn't completely take their eye off the ball for their secondary school years) we were a bit rueful about it.

There's also been a second round of resentment as parents weren't particularly interested in the first round of grandchildren as they still had young children of their own but are now heavily involved with round two.

Well that's the choice isn't it, you have your kids young when you know nothing and have no money and maybe even chose the wrong father, or you have them old and you're more tired.

What an awful post. Shame on you OP.

Well it worked out very well for me.

No issues with tiredness etc at all.

I strongly suggest that you mind your own damn business and unhoik your judgey pants.

I think yabu and I had mine at 22

And no, you didn’t need to get it off your chest.
It’s hardly a major emotion trauma for you.

You just wanted to recruit others to your judgey mob.

Would you say the same thing if it was a man having a child at 42? Or you just enjoy being a misogynist?

It really depends on the person and their circumstances. It would be too old for me but then i felt old having a child at 32! I know lots of people who had children well into their 40s and loved the experience.

I had my second child at 42 and would not have appreciated a ‘friend’ starting a post like this. I wanted children much younger but against a backdrop of multiple miscarriages and fertility issues it just didn’t happen ….

I wish my hormones were having a last hurrah.. I'm 40zzz I started late & wish I had more time, life gets in the way, I could not fathom judging a woman having a later baby

I had my 4 children at 33, 36, 38 and 41…I found my last 2 the easiest and had as much energy as I did with my 1st.

It’s upto her if she has another baby. I definitely don’t think 42 is too old though..

You were 38, risks start to increase from age 35 don’t they? You could argue you were selfish for not having your children sooner.

You get people on here who think anything under 28 is a tragedy! Doesn’t really give women much time does it? Someone will always judge.

I think the saying here is “each to their own”. Smile and be happy for your friend. If it’s too old for you, take peace in that you won’t be doing the sleepless nights etc

It's individual. I had a baby not too far off 42. I had two older children . It's been the best thing we have ever done. We have a great family dynamics and it's easy to spend time together as a family. Sometimes we do things individually with our children but I'd do that anyway. We keep ourselves healthy and fit, and we are very childish young at heart. My eldest are happy to look after their younger siblings over night so we get our time (they get paid for it so it's a win win for them). Yea there's a chance me and my oh will die before they have children but my parents were very young when they had me and both had died before I got my twenties. Nothing is guaranteed. So for me having a baby much older was the best thing ever. Not everyone wants that though and that's for them to decide. I don't judge them.

The only issue I have is that it's going to be 18 years plus of doing the school run and putting up with all the bollocks that goes with that 😩

Wishing you all the best for your 'selfish' pregnancy 😅. Enjoy this special time and congratulations! 🫶🏻❤️

In your friends case I wouldn’t do it. It’s more to do with having the older children than her age.

my sister in law started late. Had a baby with Down syndrome at 39 and a neurotypical baby at 45. As she only has those two to consider having late babies has been fine, even if one does have a disability (he is very high functioning).

my parents went for a late baby when they already had older kid. Balancing teens and tots was not something my mother could manage and the older kids were very much neglected and seen as a nuisance. She really couldn’t wait to see the back of us so she could focus on the baby. That created a lot of resentment. Also all the years of sleepless nights took their toll and while she was fit and well at 42, in her 50s when dsis was still primary aged she really started to slow down. She then had some major health concerns when dsis was still in uni.

it’s a trend to have kids later now so you’re better off financially. It’s probably not really better at all, but people who have done it and it’s gone well will defend their decisions to the end, whilst calling people who had kids in the 20s irresponsible. It can be fine, but I do liken choosing to be an older parent to choosing to be a teenage parent. Neither is ideal but it can work out fine.

I had my baby at 42, no regrets here. I’ve always felt young for my age and expect I always will. Just because it’s too much for you OP, doesn’t mean your mate is too old.

My parents were similar - my mum was 24 and 28 when my sister and I were born.
We are in our 30’s now, have kids of our own. My dad has just turned 60 and mum will be 60 later this year…..they go on 3 or 4 foreign holidays a year, multiple weekend breaks to various places, go to music festivals with their friends, concerts, sports events etc all the things they didn’t get to do in their 20’s and 30’s, but they are still in great health and able to enjoy all of those things now.

42?! Come on! Thought you were going to say 48. Clearly it’s not too old if she has got pregnant naturally.

If you want to play judgemental, then maybe we could judge you for not being handle sleepless nights at 38. Just because you struggled at 38, doesn’t mean your friend will. Clearly she feels she can handle it. We’re all different.

I wouldn’t want to but happy to let others live and let live