Cafe humiliation

[Skyview7]

Took my DD (hardworking mum to my 2 DGC) for lunch in a very nice local cafe (pink tea pots, fresh roses on the tables) as a treat.
Lunch menu looked nice. We ordered and I asked if I could just check if my salad could be gluten free. At this the waitress asked if I was choosing or actually coeliac. I am in fact, coeliac and she said then informed me that I would need to sign something first. Honestly, I thought it was a joke but she came back with a large clipboard and an A4 sheet of paper and pen and asked me to have it signed by the time she returned; she was not going to take the order until this was done.
I sat staring at the paperwork wondering of this was for real. The paperwork was a disclaimer that if the cafe should inadvertantly slip me anything gluten laden then they would keep this piece of paper with my "consent" at the risks therein.
Several ladies having tea and lunches were staring at me and DD when the waitress came back; she was astonished that I hadn't signed their form yet. I just wanted to have a nice salad lunch with my daughter to treat her without having some jobsworth make me out to be some sort of liability to them. DD said it had sucked the good vibe right out and she was absolutely right.
So the waitress then asked why I wouldn't sign. I had to explain (calmly but upset) that I had hoped for kinder and far more inclusive customer service instead of singling me out and making me "other" whilst their diners looked on wondering why I was having to sign their paperwork before anyone was willing to serve us. She said, no, it's not like that - but I had to explain again that their paperwork was not to caring for the customer it was them covering their back against me if they were to make a mistake. Although I previously liked the cafe very much, DD and I left.
I'm a woman of the world and a solo traveller too. I have a happy go lucky nature but today...I really felt humiliated. AIBU?

Assuming that you are in England, the cafe is being ridiculous. The fact is that their stupid form has no legal standing and they cannot rely on it to limit their liability in the event of causing harm to a customer.

No, the OP isn’t being ridiculous. I’m coeliac too. I had this once and was presented with a waiver to sign before the restaurant would let me eat. My friends and I left. I was humiliated also, it was needless, and also spoke volumes of the likely care they were going to take (or not) to ensure my food was gluten free and safe to eat - they shouldn’t need you to sign to say you’re not going to sue them if you have a reaction to food they have prepared in an unsafe manner. I wouldn’t have eaten there either. You did the right thing @Skyview7 - such a shame your lunch was ruined but I wouldn’t have given them my business. Hope you and your DD found somewhere lovely that catered for you properly.

There is absolutely no need to single someone out - signing some kind of disclaimer is utterly ridiculous! If they by law have to have safe processes in place there is absolutely zero need for a signed disclaimer.

No one has humiliated you. You chose to feel humiliated. She was doing her job.

this
are only hardworking mums allowed out for food?
the waitress was probably hardworking as well, and you unnecessarily made her work harder, for something that she has no control over!

ironic that you felt everyone was staring at you and treating you as 'other' - they probably didn't bat an eyelid UNTIL you started moaning at the poor waitress and then walked out, at which point they probably did think "what a twat".

I'm surprised as a 'woman of the world' this is the first time its happened to you - I have a friend who is gluten intolerant and have been out with her when she's had to sign something similar - she said it's become quite common over the last few years

That is absolutely awful, absolutely no need for that attitude - no wonder they closed.

surely it's the same as all the warnings on food about possible peanut/other contamination? i.e. basically confirming they have made sufficient/reasonable effort to avoid contamination but can't 100% guarantee it. For example if their supplier made a mistake and mislabelled something.

and at the end of the day it doesn't matter to OP whether it's enforceable or not - if the restaurant wants to insist on a signature before serving that's their prerogative and something they are entitled to do - same as refusing to serve children or insisting on a dress code or whatever, it's their rules and their decision, like it's OP's decision to decide whether to sign and eat or leave.

Unless you’re coeliac, you have no idea whether it’s humiliating or not. To go to a restaurant and have to divulge sensitive and private health information before you can even eat is something you don’t want to have to experience.

Absolutely not on! What about all the poor children with food allergies? It’s discrimination. Making food safe is food prep 101 for the kitchen staff, these places can do it with very minimal risk following basic food hygiene. Complain to management, leave reviews etc - this can’t become the norm

Do do really think it's that easy? There's so much more to it than basic food hygiene,

It’s not discrimination. I disagree with the paperwork aspect, that’s ridiculous.

As much as businesses should and do care about accommodating their customers’ needs, it is simply impossible to make those sorts of guarantees, unless they specialise and can do so.

Businesses cannot cater for everyone all the time, it’s unrealistic in a small setting.

Unfortunately there have been a run of instances where large food outlets have got this wrong and sadly people have died as a result - Costa and Pret for example - that smaller caterers are having to include a disclaimer.

Why would they ask you to sign for a salad though? There is no gluten in vegetables? Coeliac members of my family would go for that option and not expect gluten in it.

Worth knowing (if you don't already) that Wagamama literally cleans down the preparation space and pans when someone advises they are coeliac/gluten intolerant. Yes, you have to wait a bit more but you are safe there and it's always been their practice.

I think if this had been handled correctly, the OP would have been impressed that they were taking extra care to explain their set-up and how it might create a risk for her. This wasn't that.

Haven't experienced this yet but having a meal in the pub the other day with cealiac dd27 the manager declared that they take allergies more seriously than those on the other side of the bar ie those with allergies!
We couldn't decide whether to laugh or not!

On aside note DD is sick of Costa putting a sticker on her cup when she asks for an oat milk drink when it is the only drink she has ordered. It is policy to put the sticker on and they are not allowed not to even though there is only one drink involved and DD has a phobia to stickers. She cannot touch them . But the servers refuse to remove them and say they cannot not put them on.

Wife of trading standards officer here, who happens to be one of the lead officers in the UK on food labelling. If the café had served you with something with gluten in it they would be committing a criminal offence. No disclaimer could cover them for that. However the fact that they think it does may make it more likely that they negligently include something that could kill someone. I would never eat there again.

There’s no hyphen in no one. They are two separate words.

And you are rude. Not “being” rude, just rude.
@Skyview7 was there - she was the recipient.
Remember: unless you are an actual witness, it’s best to leave the insults to those who are.

The feeling of humiliation is self inflicted.

They aren't specialized gluten -free kitchen, so all they can do is reasonable best effort (clean utensils, clean gloves) but they can't guarantee cross contamination won't happen. You declared allergy. What should happen next? Either they will have to refuse to serve you, or have a waiver confirming you understand the situation.

They can choose to have customers or not. They can cater for allergies or not. But can they afford not to. Are customers with allergies a nuisance then as they can easily find places that will cater for them. And their non allergyfriends will go with them.

Yes, you found it embarassing but you are not being 'othered' or 'singled out' as all patrons who declare an allergy or intolerance will likely be given the same form to sign. Its not discrimination.

That argument simply doesn't work, @Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours. Try it in other contexts:

You aren't being "othered" be being told to feed your baby in the toilets, as all breastfeeding mothers will likely be told to do the same.

Your child isn't being "singled out" by being prevented from going on this school trip, as all disabled children will likely be prevented from going.

You aren't being "othered" by being excluded from applying for this job, as all black people have been excluded from applying.

Do you see what I mean? It clearly is discrimination. No-one else is being asked to sign a form accepting the risk that they will get food poisoning, for instance.

So how do we know whether they can guarantee that contamination from infection can't happen?

Better to lose a few customers than their whole business by being sued.

They had a v high profile fatality case in which they mistakingly served a hot chocolate made with milk to a young girl with a milk allergy. They definitely won't be removing allergy stickers for anyone.

Really!

That is what I was thinking. you can’t contract you way out of negligence.

however, coeliacs can react to even a tiny amount of gluten. A small cafe is not going to be able to ensure a gluten free environment if they use flour regularly. It gets into the air and they wouldn’t be able to keep sterile conditions.

a washed salad I would have thought was a safe option though so I’d think it was pretty negligent if it was served with gluten in it.

DP has a seed allergy. Only certain types and it's not often they're present in food. We've had it a couple of times where the place has asked her to sign something.

Also when they bring out a big book of ingredients and get her to check. All the responsibility on the customer.