To think the school only has itself to blame for nobody joining the PTA

[JandamiHash]

my DS’s primary has put a bit of a begging message in this week’s newsletter about “Do you enjoy the new playground markings, and community events, and a well stocked school library? This is all thanks to the efforts of our PTA! However, we don’t have nearly enough members to sustain it so if you don’t want to lose the benefits for your children, parents need to step up and join the committee so we can keep it going! We are looking for one parent from each class to do the right thing and volunteer.”

I have done PTA work in the past (and then became way too much to commit to) and I get it’s valuable. I always go to events and spend money too.

However, even if I had the time, I’d be disinclined to join because the school SLT seem to have gone down a road of patronising parents constantly. The newsletter every week congratulates all the children with 100% attendance for that term and says “Well done to those children!”. They also tell us which class has “won” at school attendance every fortnight. Nobody cares though. It’s probably a sore point because I have a disabled son who has been off school with hospital stays on a number of occasion. He’s only had 1 day off this term though thankfully. I hate the idea of congratulating only healthy and/or NT children for not being off sick.

Other annoying/patronising messages include:

• “We would like to see less junk and more fruit in lunchboxes! Why not make the effort and replace that chocolate bar with a banana this week”
• “We would like to remind parents that pencil cases should be small - we can’t be expected to magic a fat pencil case into a thin school drawer”
• ”It’s pumpkin making competition in 6 hours time, and we are telling you now [they don’t actually say that but they do give v short notice]. It can be a wonderful opportunity to put the phones and iPads down and spend some much needed craft time with your little ones.
• ”We know holidays can be fun, but what’s not fun is depriving a child of an education. Taking your child in term time, even for a cheaper holiday, is unacceptable and we do not authorise absences for this reason. There are plenty of places that are budget friendly in the school holidays, and your child’s education should take priority.”

Parents are sick of it. I have lots of parents who are friends and everyone moans about the newsletter content, they do at drop off and pick up too. Absolutely nobody is checking to see if their class has “won” good absence rates.

AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school.

You mean this sentence? "being in the PTA means being involved with the school and I just couldn’t be arsed with people who are patronising and snarky."

It's a valid question to ask who is being patronising and snarky. You know "school" is not a "who" right?

True but neither will not joining. It just means the school has less money.

I'd never blame the pta chair for a school policy. Surely people know the difference?!

Yeah, you're right, the "read it slowly" really helped me identify the snark.

We recently moved from a really deprived estate (I think that’s relevant) where relations between the school and the local community had pretty much completely broken down. It really fell apart during covid but for various reasons. Complete lack of trust. Parents refusing to go into the school, school couldn’t get any parent governors, no PTA.

Parents complained bullying wasn’t dealt with, teachers were terrible, SEN not being taken seriously. Teachers sending similarly patronising messages telling parents not to turn up at school in pyjamas, then parents doing it even more to make a point. School taken over by an academy trust but still just repeatedly failing Ofsted.

It’s an extreme example, but when relationships between the school and parents fall apart it makes things worse for everyone. By joining the PTA you actively are trying to improve those relationships. It’s got to start somewhere.

I think this PTA has dodged a bullet here with the OP not wanting to volunteer. Imagine the meetings where she is just rude and combative to everyone, nothing would get done.

These are messages they are obliged to get out whether you agree with them or not. The tone is quite jaunty, but it wouldn't bother me. The bit about magicking the pencil cases smaller made me smile.

Those who take offence are usually the ones guilty of the offence. By joining the PTA you are not doing a favor for the school, it is for the children. The school will run perfectly fine without a PTA but the students will miss out on the things the PTA provides.

My son missed school often as he was very ill as a child. It never bothered me that they gave out attendance awards. Not every child deserves an award for everything. You are being very oversensitive here and the time spent on this thread you could have attended several PTA meetings 🙄

The PTA have nothing to do with these messages. They are raising money for the benefit of the children, not the senior leadership team. You aren’t punishing the author of these messages by not helping the PTA you’re punishing the children.

@JandamiHash - "... AIBU to think the school can’t patronise parents constantly then expect everyone to jump up to volunteer with the school? I know PTA is largely parent run and it’s for the benefit of the children, but I don’t feel like partnering with a place that seems hell bent on arsey (often ableist) messages and making the ND/disabled kids feel like shit for not being healthy enough for their liking.

Im actually half tempted to say this to the school."

Tell them what you think

I think it is. Parents don't need to be told to put fruit in lunchbox and do bloody crafts with their kids

Some parents do, clearly.

Those messages are awful and sound very superior and passive aggressive but they werent written by the PTA. They are two separate issues.

You arent going to get anyone on board by using phrases like “make the effort”. Nothing wrong with the aim, its the communication.

Those messages would annoying me. I wouldn't message the school like others are saying though, sounds like a recipe for really annoying them. If there's an opportunity for anonymous feedback though I'd tell them that.

I agree with others, the PTA and school are 2 different things. The pta is a group of volunteers that raise money for the school, this includes a teacher volunteer. They have no input or day in how the school operates including what they send out to parents.

also agree with who said about these being written by an admin person with terrible skills, are you a parent at my DCs school? Our school admin is absolutely shocking, has very little communication skills. The current ht passing on these institutions isn’t much better.

But that’s not down to the kids, the pta raises money for many things that our kids miss out on without their hard work.

i fully support the pta in donating, helping set up, man a table and spending money, but I have not donated time for meetings for 8 years, nothing to do with the school and everything to do with a group of parents who bullied and alienated other parents to the point no one but the core clique were left. The core clique who never ever did drop offs or pick ups, arranged all meetings in the pub and shut down any suggestions other than their own then bitched and moaned when people stopped attending meetings. Now there is only 1 of them left. There is a new group of parents coming in who are starting to help but many of the exsistent parents including myself had enough of the horrible toxicity of the group.

I get the schools messages do sound patronising but unless you’re a parent doing those things just ignore. We got letters and emails this week about all of DCs attendances over 2 schools, the letters went straight in the bin. DCs get sick, they pass them onto each other so of course attendance is going to be affected. They are standard letters.

As for attendance awards, sometimes even the HT dosnt like giving them out but they have pressure from their bosses to promote attendance and the best way to drive this is by getting the kids to pressure parents into sending them in.

I have to take issue with this: “also agree with who said about these being written by an admin person with terrible skills, are you a parent at my DCs school? Our school admin is absolutely shocking, has very little communication skills. The current ht passing on these institutions isn’t much better.” What on earth makes you think the admin person is drafting the messages? They will be copying, pasting and sending what teachers and the Headteacher have told them to send out. The school admin doesn’t care two hoots what size children’s pencil cases are and has no clue whether or not they fit in trays in the classroom.

Ummm. Some parents do.

There are a range of parents in all primaries, from the highly educated achievers to the crunchy mums to the functionally illiterate to the just don’t care. They don’t all know or think about these things.

But it's THEIR choice in what to feed or do with their kids. As long as they are not abusing them. The parents are adults.

OK I've re read your OP and I can see you are not criticising the PTA. However surely saying people shouldn't join because you don't like some aspects of the school's management is the definition of cutting off your nose to spite your face?!

Really? Sub par parenting is fine as long as kids are not being actively abused?
Some parents literally need parenting classes, they don’t do things that their kids will benefit from because they don’t understand either how to, or the need to do the things in the first place.
Not being abusive is a shockingly low bar for parenting.

Really? Friends of mine are teachers and many of them seem on the brink of breakdown. One of them told me that the school had no pencils for the students so it was as though she was expected to provide them. Some kids are hungry and the teachers try to help. Some of the kids and parents have behavioural problems that the teachers have to deal with. And this is at primary level. I am surprised the teachers have the time and energy to write “drivel” in the first place.

@JandamiHash One primary here did a massive cheese and wine tasting event, and recruited loads of slightly sloshed parents at the event... it wasn't quite as described.

But they are not going to take any notice of patronising messages like that are they? That kind of thing would just get people's backs up

Not in my experience at any of the schools I have worked at.

The procedure is more like:

• in staff briefing, teachers highlight "too many pencil cases being brought in that are big. Can we ask in the newsletter for smaller ones?" and admin writes the text
• quick email from SLT: "please remind parents about craft day" and admin writes the text.

I'm sure some schools will make the teachers do more, but it's not my experience at all.