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AIBU?

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Original poster

To buy my colleague a horrible leaving present

128 replies

Hookahchakkah · 20/03/2025 19:54

I’ve worked with someone for almost two years and we’ve got on like a house on fire. Really similar wavelength and we’ve had loads of really funny conversations and in jokes. They aren’t for everyone but reasonably popular in the office but I think I’m the only one who they would go for a walk with or text out of work. Their leaving is a bit awkward and we do the same job as do three other people. Their work has been divided and the other three people have done nothing but criticise and moan about what they have to do and I know my colleague has had enough. The work was passed to me and I’ve got no issues with the vast majority of it but one part, if I do what they have said, puts me into a very very difficult position if they don’t sort it out before they go.

I rang them and asked them to do it (as I can’t) and if they don’t I’m going to not only have to do loads of extra work but I’m also likely going to be discliolined for not sorting the issue out before they go.

i raised it in as sensitive a way I could and they basically got very shirty with me and spoke to me in a very inappropriate way.

I gave them a chance and said that I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they doubled down and called me weak and lazy which is not only completely unfair but untrue.

insaid I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they hung up on me .

we would normally chat every day or go for a walk maybe once a week but they walked past my room and didn’t wave, ignored emails yesterday and didn’t apologise

ive had to email them today about something and they replied but didn’t mention the altercation.

ive made my peace that they won’t apologise but I’m in charge of the leaving present and drinks. M

i thought about not going but we don’t go out much and I really like the other colleagues that are going.

so very basically, what is the worst oresnet I can buy for them.
we are going to the pub som in thinking about buying five bottles of wines that they have to carry for the night

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 20/03/2025 19:57

How about you remember that you're an adult and if the person won't do the necessary you speak to your boss?

Ad for the gift, buy what you would have done before you had this tantrum.

mumofboys8787 · 20/03/2025 19:58

2025willbemytime · 20/03/2025 19:57

How about you remember that you're an adult and if the person won't do the necessary you speak to your boss?

Ad for the gift, buy what you would have done before you had this tantrum.

BORING

Sofiewoo · 20/03/2025 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fatphalange · 20/03/2025 20:02

Grow up. (Your post is poorly written FYI- doesn't make much sense).

MikeRafone · 20/03/2025 20:03

All sounds rather sad, you’ve had a collection and want to use other people’s donations to get your own back for this argument. That’s mean to everyone

Ohthatsabitshit · 20/03/2025 20:03

I think she’s been asked to hand over and refused basically so I’d go above her head. As far as the leaving present goes, I’d stick a voucher in a card and ignore the whole thing. She sounds like a total pain in the arse.

Brefugee · 20/03/2025 20:06

Assuming you are over the age of majority, OP? Escalate to your boss, include all written communication with colleague who is leaving.

Ask boss which action you should take to avoid it all going tits up

Original poster
Hookahchakkah · 20/03/2025 20:28

You’re right, it is mean to use the money other people have given but I was trying to be creative.

horrified that I sound nasty! I’ve bent over backwards for this person and they’ve taken their mood with everyone else out on me in a very unprofessional way.

as for the work I have refused to take it unless they either sort out their mess or pointed out that not only will I have to sort it out but I’ll also bear the brunt of management having a go at me about it as they won’t be there anymore. It will take them about half an hour to sort it out max and will nécessite me spending a day I don’t have driving up and down the motorway to see someone hours away to have a meeting to explain the mistake. I cannot sort it out quickly, they can .

also, it’s not work which management know about so it hasn’t been given to me, this person has given it to me without their knowledge or agreement and if they had known, they would have made them sort it out not me

OP posts:
MightAsWellBeGretel · 20/03/2025 20:34

Their behaviour doesn't sound very nice, but that doesn't justify you buying a horrible present and wasting your colleagues' money!

Just buy her a voucher and be done with it.

Nowvoyager99 · 20/03/2025 20:41

So why haven’t you spoken to management about it then?

Just don’t take the work on unless it’s been formally assigned to you?

This sounds like a shit organisation.

Fagli · 20/03/2025 20:42

The person leaving is not going to care about a leaving gift. The people who have given money in good faith will care when they see you’ve used it to get petty revenge. You have to work with these people after this person has gone, is this the image you really want to give them?

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 20/03/2025 20:45

Of course you don’t buy a horrible leaving gift - between you and the nursery clipe not sure what’s going on tonight!

zingally · 20/03/2025 20:46

Grow up.

Just buy them a bottle of wine, or a voucher, and be done with it.

As for all the "work the management doesn't know about"...? What the heck are you on about? Was your colleague doing some shady deals? What could possibly be so secretive and weird that you can't tell management about it? If it's your colleagues fault, then drop them in it! Don't let yourself get disciplined unless it's something that's equally your own fault.

Truly though, this sounds very high school.

MissPobjoysPonies · 20/03/2025 20:46

Genuinely, this is what email is for, forward any emails to the boss and cover yourself.

and just get an Amazon voucher or pass are going it to someone else.

are you all very young in your office?

Schoolchoicesucks · 20/03/2025 20:46

You've worked with this person for a while, got on with them like a house on fire but now want to throw it all away and be mean as they are leaving?

YourLuckyPearlGoose · 20/03/2025 20:48

It’s not just your money you want to spunk on a crap present. You owe it to everybody who’s contributed to buy something nice, or hand the money over to someone else to organise the present and do.

CheesePlantBoxes · 20/03/2025 20:53

What kind of dysfunctional place do you work in where you wouldn't just schedule a meeting woth your boss and set out the issue????

MayaPinion · 20/03/2025 20:55

Raise the issue with management before she leaves. A short ‘I am concerned that with Janine’s leaving there is nobody with the knowledge or expertise to do xxx’. It is not your job to work this out. It’s theirs and they should be on top of it. You can even say you’ll be happy to take it on once xxx is ready for handover but you don’t have the training or experience to get it up to scratch.

Then you go out and buy a lovely gift that is not to their taste - silver instead of gold if they wear gold, a case of red wine when they only drink white, vouchers to a vegan restaurant, a Build-a-Bear dressed in the kind of outfit they’d wear, a jaunty hat…

willowbrookmanor · 20/03/2025 20:56

OTT, just speak to your boss. It really doesn’t need to be this complicated.

AgingLikeGazpacho · 20/03/2025 21:00

A really massive plant pot.

Oollliivviiaa · 20/03/2025 21:06

I would just go over her head. She's refusing to do a proper hand over and you know it will fall into your inbox.

Raise it now. If you wait until she's left then yes, you'll get the grief. Approach it with your manager from the angle of "let's take this opportunity to fine tune the process and look at whether what we do at the moment still works" rather than "Sue won't tell me what to do".

You are implying she's not been doing her job correctly. If that is the case, then make sure you raise it BEFORE it becomes your problem or you get the blame.

And kindly, work friends very, very rarely become proper friends so now she is leaving, it sounds like your friendship has run it's course.

Rise above petty squabbles. If you do a purposely bad gift, everyone will know and people have long memories with things like that so it will reflect badly on YOU.

Poppyseeds79 · 20/03/2025 21:08

Like pp said - email your boss and just say a bit of work handed over needs rectified first... Job done! I don't know why you're taking it on yourself to turn it into a huge drama? If your coworker gets a bollocking she won't care, shes leaving. And it saves you getting in the shit.

Whyherewego · 20/03/2025 21:12

Yes I'd also say soeak to management. Why don't you do that ? Given you've burnt bridges already here !

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/03/2025 21:18

Don't be a dick. The other people gave the money in the belief that it was for a decent present for that person - you taking it and deliberately wasting it will not make for smooth employee relations; especially if money's tight for them but they made the decision to donate in any case.

I'd definitely publicly demand you give me my money back.

Doesthishurt · 20/03/2025 21:19

As a pp mentioned, your post is poorly written, but are you old enough to work, OP?