To buy my colleague a horrible leaving present

[Hookahchakkah]

I’ve worked with someone for almost two years and we’ve got on like a house on fire. Really similar wavelength and we’ve had loads of really funny conversations and in jokes. They aren’t for everyone but reasonably popular in the office but I think I’m the only one who they would go for a walk with or text out of work. Their leaving is a bit awkward and we do the same job as do three other people. Their work has been divided and the other three people have done nothing but criticise and moan about what they have to do and I know my colleague has had enough. The work was passed to me and I’ve got no issues with the vast majority of it but one part, if I do what they have said, puts me into a very very difficult position if they don’t sort it out before they go.

I rang them and asked them to do it (as I can’t) and if they don’t I’m going to not only have to do loads of extra work but I’m also likely going to be discliolined for not sorting the issue out before they go.

i raised it in as sensitive a way I could and they basically got very shirty with me and spoke to me in a very inappropriate way.

I gave them a chance and said that I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they doubled down and called me weak and lazy which is not only completely unfair but untrue.

insaid I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they hung up on me .

we would normally chat every day or go for a walk maybe once a week but they walked past my room and didn’t wave, ignored emails yesterday and didn’t apologise

ive had to email them today about something and they replied but didn’t mention the altercation.

ive made my peace that they won’t apologise but I’m in charge of the leaving present and drinks. M

i thought about not going but we don’t go out much and I really like the other colleagues that are going.

so very basically, what is the worst oresnet I can buy for them.
we are going to the pub som in thinking about buying five bottles of wines that they have to carry for the night

I wouldn’t have thought the leaving colleague is going to feel at all bad. They are in the “departure lounge”, so more than likely couldn’t give a toss.

Get a better relationship with your managers and sort out the mess together. Failing that, leave. Just do the leaving do and present as normal. But you must speak to managers. How can you not?

Does it really matter about the grammer as long as other people can understand it? They obviously have as otherwise wouldn't have bothered to respond.
This is only MN, nothing important in the grand scheme of life.

Christ, I've never heard anything so nasty, childish and mean spirited.

I'm delighted for his woman to be leaving this sort of behavior behind.

As for the extra work her departure is causing, that's a management problem to solve, leave the poor woman alone about it.

They? Is there more than one of them?

Pathetic. why would you want to buy a horrible present? That is bullying behaviour.

Speak to your manager if you’re not happy about the handover of workload or if something untoward has gone on and this will impact you.

It’s a shame if you previously got on well but it sounds like things have turned sour. You can still get him/her a nice present and wish them well though.

When is his last day? I would tell him he has a couple of days to sort it out then you will be taking it to management then they can either put it on him to sort out or sort it out themselves.

Does he really want to be dropped in it before he leaves or does he not care?

try acting professionally
the gift - presumably something all your colleagues have contributed to is not a personal gift - don;t waste others donations. If having accepted responsibility for organising, you no longer want to put any effort into it, just get a gift voucher.

Speak to your line manager if your can't manage your workload.

The thing is, would the person care? They are leaving, so it’s not possible to be dropped in it, they are off.

As they’ve quit, references would more than likely have been done and the offer formalised, so nothing for them to worry about.

Tell management then? I don't get why your don't talk to your boss? Are u a people pleaser by any chance?

It sounds like they’ve checked out but that’s not really fair on you. Try one more time to sort it out between yourselves then just get management involved. It sounds like they’ve burnt their bridge with you now anyway so what do you have to lose really? As much as I’d love to encourage the petty revenge I think the fact it’s not 100% your money means you have to be professional about it and take the high road. This isn’t about you and I know it’s tempting but I don’t think your other colleagues would appreciate it. Get them a decent gift but sort the work stuff in work.

If you have always got on I don't see this single interaction as a reason for investing negatively. Get flowers / voucher / card done.

Well that’s even more of a reason to speak to your boss!!

And I hope you also have backed up your conversation with emails.

I totally get your frustration op re. taking on a load of extra work - but you should defo take this up with your manager. I can understand why you feel upset that your colleague (who you've always gotten on well with) isn't helping you out more re. a decent handover, but again, this is something to flag with management.

As for the horrible gift thing though, I really think that's an awful thing to do. Very petty and tbh bullying behaviour. Imagine how you would feel if you thought somebody was thinking of doing the same thing to you? It's little pass-ag behaviours like this that are massively contributing to so many people being massively unhappy at work. You might say 'well the person is leaving anyway, so it doesn't matter' but it will still affect the other people there, you might not think it but it will. Little stuff like this just builds and builds and ends up creating a totally noxious atmosphere eventually. Everyone suffers in the long run.

Be super-kind, get a nice gift (or a voucher) and wish them well. Speak to your manager and get your workload sorted. It will make you feel much better in the long term.

Honestly grow up

They are leaving and will have forgotten about you and the work in a couple of weeks

You need to be a grownup here.

Go to your management about the work and the unprofessional situation which STBX colleague is trying to pass on to you. It may be that he’s getting angry because it’s a bigger problem than you realise, and he can’t sort it. Otherwise you’ll end up carrying the can when he’s gone.

Then buy a card and a gift voucher.

Get them something that looks thoughtful but is pretty tacky. A ‘we will miss you’ bear or a collage of pics of the team…

Which is why I said 'would he care?'

it's also ' possible' he hasn't yet got his written reference and may care about his reputation going forward, which is why I asked!!

But either way, I still think she needs to involve her management now before he leaves. Something he can fix in half an hourhe needs to be put. Under pressure to do.

And she needs to not be dumped in the shit when he leaves

Is there a reason you can’t/won’t tell your manager(s) about this problem?

you agreed to do something without your boss's knowledge or consent?

Pass it on to your management. They get paid to deal with situations that arise with staff and work, you don’t!

Immature and petty.

Get a John Lewis or M&S voucher that doesn't require much effort in your part but is a reasonable gift for the recipient.

Tell management what's going on!

That will resolve everything - so is there a reason you don't want to do that?

I would honestly just move on. There's no point getting negative and adding drama. Life's too short!

I'm still really not seeing why you can't/won't take it to management.