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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy my colleague a horrible leaving present

128 replies

Hookahchakkah · 20/03/2025 19:54

I’ve worked with someone for almost two years and we’ve got on like a house on fire. Really similar wavelength and we’ve had loads of really funny conversations and in jokes. They aren’t for everyone but reasonably popular in the office but I think I’m the only one who they would go for a walk with or text out of work. Their leaving is a bit awkward and we do the same job as do three other people. Their work has been divided and the other three people have done nothing but criticise and moan about what they have to do and I know my colleague has had enough. The work was passed to me and I’ve got no issues with the vast majority of it but one part, if I do what they have said, puts me into a very very difficult position if they don’t sort it out before they go.

I rang them and asked them to do it (as I can’t) and if they don’t I’m going to not only have to do loads of extra work but I’m also likely going to be discliolined for not sorting the issue out before they go.

i raised it in as sensitive a way I could and they basically got very shirty with me and spoke to me in a very inappropriate way.

I gave them a chance and said that I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they doubled down and called me weak and lazy which is not only completely unfair but untrue.

insaid I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they hung up on me .

we would normally chat every day or go for a walk maybe once a week but they walked past my room and didn’t wave, ignored emails yesterday and didn’t apologise

ive had to email them today about something and they replied but didn’t mention the altercation.

ive made my peace that they won’t apologise but I’m in charge of the leaving present and drinks. M

i thought about not going but we don’t go out much and I really like the other colleagues that are going.

so very basically, what is the worst oresnet I can buy for them.
we are going to the pub som in thinking about buying five bottles of wines that they have to carry for the night

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 20/03/2025 21:24

Don’t lower yourself to buy a horrible present. Think how embarrassed and humiliated you will feel (never mind them) when your colleagues see what you’ve done.

Original poster
Hookahchakkah · 20/03/2025 21:38

Completely take everyone’s comments on board and am laughing about the massive plant pot. I am also laughing at people asking how old I am. I am a middle aged professional with a very petty childish side so thank you for everyone who highlighted my both my poor communication and badly worded post here and told me not to be petty. I have learned from this and in my defence I was doing maths home work with kids, making tea and supervising our hairdresser at the same time so that’s why it’s so badly written. I have no defence for spending other people’s money badly and thank you to everyone who pointed out that would be a shit thing to do.

im also fuming with myself that I’ve trusted someone in a professional capacity and they have put me in this position.

the organisation is fine he is completely in the wrong and has done something very unprofessional which would take him not very long to sort out but if it became my problem would have to be sorted out properly.

OP posts:
Oollliivviiaa · 21/03/2025 07:40

Hookahchakkah · 20/03/2025 21:38

Completely take everyone’s comments on board and am laughing about the massive plant pot. I am also laughing at people asking how old I am. I am a middle aged professional with a very petty childish side so thank you for everyone who highlighted my both my poor communication and badly worded post here and told me not to be petty. I have learned from this and in my defence I was doing maths home work with kids, making tea and supervising our hairdresser at the same time so that’s why it’s so badly written. I have no defence for spending other people’s money badly and thank you to everyone who pointed out that would be a shit thing to do.

im also fuming with myself that I’ve trusted someone in a professional capacity and they have put me in this position.

the organisation is fine he is completely in the wrong and has done something very unprofessional which would take him not very long to sort out but if it became my problem would have to be sorted out properly.

So go to your manager. Your colleague is clearly not going to sort it.

I wouldn't look favourable on you if you knew of a mistake and didn't try to get it sorted/raise it. As someone said above, your colleague won't care if he gets told off.

You will get blamed if you knew about it but don't do anything about it until after he leaves. Plus, there is the risk that you will be implicated in the unprofessional behaviour.

As several people have already said, it looks like the friendship has finished so you don't need to worry about that either.

Just speak to your manager "I'm trying to do a handover but Dave isn't easy to pin down. I'm a bit concerned I don't know what I'll need to pick up. I'm also a bit worried that x happened with a customer but it looks easy for Dave to fix by doing y".

NestaArcheron · 21/03/2025 07:49

What do you mean you’re “horrified to sound nasty?” You made a thread asking if you can buy someone something horrible, and slagged tnem
off! How else are you going to sound?!

HoppingPavlova · 21/03/2025 07:55

the organisation is fine he is completely in the wrong and has done something very unprofessional which would take him not very long to sort out but if it became my problem would have to be sorted out properly

And what has your manager said and directed with this issue?

Lovelysummerdays · 21/03/2025 08:01

The answer is obviously take this work to management explain there is an error. You can’t take it on. Give them a heads up. Your colleague is not the first one to shit the bed on the way out the door. If you let them know now there is a chance it could be remedied .

Leaver gift of perfume but not a nice one

muggart · 21/03/2025 08:02

Is there a reason management can't know about this? It does sound dodgy. If it's left you in a hard position then flag it with management, perhaps they can make him/ her help.

ElizaDolittle4321 · 21/03/2025 08:52

Can you ask your boss to reassign someone else to do the leaving do and present? Just state that you will no longer do it. No one can make you do it! Tbh I wouldn't even turn up to the leaving do.

HelpMeGetThrough · 21/03/2025 09:20

There is a good chance that your colleague could be thinking “screw the leaving drinks” and not turn up.

crumpet · 21/03/2025 09:24

Why can’t you discuss it with your manager? It sounds as if it’s something they should know about if it could adversely affect the company.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 21/03/2025 09:28

How very childish.
Remember, you never know when you might come across them, or a friend of theirs at some stage. Do you want to be known as the 'shit, spiteful present person'?

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 21/03/2025 09:31

in my defence I was doing maths home work with kids, making tea and supervising our hairdresser at the same time
So, not paying full attention to any of these tasks?

SatyrTights · 21/03/2025 09:32

crumpet · 21/03/2025 09:24

Why can’t you discuss it with your manager? It sounds as if it’s something they should know about if it could adversely affect the company.

Yes, this. It seems obvious. No idea why you’re sticking your head in the sand about the actual handover issue while wasting time in juvenile fantasies about nasty leaving presents…

DefinitelyNotMaybe · 21/03/2025 09:33

How about a lovely set of kettlebells?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 21/03/2025 09:35

Just speak to your manager ffs. If you raise it with them (and put it in writing as well) and it goes pear-shaped you can protect yourself. No need for silly games.

Chunkilumptious · 21/03/2025 09:38

You need to escalate whatever this mysterious other work is to your manager before they leave so they can be pushed for some sort of handover and it doesn't fall to you.

Then make them a charity donation with certificate to something you think they'd support. Nobody can complain but they'll be secretly a bit miffed it wasn't booze or chocolate. Then feel bad. Double petty win.

Wimbledonmum1985 · 21/03/2025 09:40

What’s with they? Are we talking about a man or a woman here? Whole thing sounds ridiculous.

toooldforbrat · 21/03/2025 09:44

I was once given a magnum of champagne as a gift - was very lovely but by the time I lugged that across London and onto a train I was cursing it.

SnivellingLittleDerogatoryName · 21/03/2025 09:45

HelpMeGetThrough · 21/03/2025 09:20

There is a good chance that your colleague could be thinking “screw the leaving drinks” and not turn up.

That would be great if the OP was left carrying some ridiculous plant around all evening! Poetic justice.

OP you sound extremely juvenile and unprofessional and your workplace sounds dysfunctional. Speak to your manager not mumsnet FGS.

Qmalrg · 21/03/2025 09:49

toooldforbrat · 21/03/2025 09:44

I was once given a magnum of champagne as a gift - was very lovely but by the time I lugged that across London and onto a train I was cursing it.

Sounds like a good option.

You ought to go to management now and explain the situation. How can they discipline you for something that really isn't your fault?

HappydaysArehere · 21/03/2025 10:12

Is this a nursery? Thought it was an office.

pizzaHeart · 21/03/2025 10:15

MikeRafone · 20/03/2025 20:03

All sounds rather sad, you’ve had a collection and want to use other people’s donations to get your own back for this argument. That’s mean to everyone

This^

Qmalrg · 21/03/2025 10:15

HappydaysArehere · 21/03/2025 10:12

Is this a nursery? Thought it was an office.

Well, yes, but you can presumably understand that the OP feels very let down by someone she thought was a friend and wants to bite back. Not saying she should bite back badly, but the champagne magnum would fit the bill.

Hardtotalkt · 21/03/2025 10:20

So tell management that they are leaving and refusing to do XYZ. Why should you take the blame after?

OMGitsnotgood · 21/03/2025 10:25

While I have some sympathy with you re the extra work, you still have to work with the others who have contributed and I’d take a dim view of someone buying a horrible gift I’d contributed to. Be extra kind and maybe your leaving colleague will feel bad, which is a result in itself. And as PPs have said, call out their lack of contribution to your manager so they understand the position you are in