To buy my colleague a horrible leaving present

[Hookahchakkah]

I’ve worked with someone for almost two years and we’ve got on like a house on fire. Really similar wavelength and we’ve had loads of really funny conversations and in jokes. They aren’t for everyone but reasonably popular in the office but I think I’m the only one who they would go for a walk with or text out of work. Their leaving is a bit awkward and we do the same job as do three other people. Their work has been divided and the other three people have done nothing but criticise and moan about what they have to do and I know my colleague has had enough. The work was passed to me and I’ve got no issues with the vast majority of it but one part, if I do what they have said, puts me into a very very difficult position if they don’t sort it out before they go.

I rang them and asked them to do it (as I can’t) and if they don’t I’m going to not only have to do loads of extra work but I’m also likely going to be discliolined for not sorting the issue out before they go.

i raised it in as sensitive a way I could and they basically got very shirty with me and spoke to me in a very inappropriate way.

I gave them a chance and said that I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they doubled down and called me weak and lazy which is not only completely unfair but untrue.

insaid I didn’t think what they were saying was fair and they hung up on me .

we would normally chat every day or go for a walk maybe once a week but they walked past my room and didn’t wave, ignored emails yesterday and didn’t apologise

ive had to email them today about something and they replied but didn’t mention the altercation.

ive made my peace that they won’t apologise but I’m in charge of the leaving present and drinks. M

i thought about not going but we don’t go out much and I really like the other colleagues that are going.

so very basically, what is the worst oresnet I can buy for them.
we are going to the pub som in thinking about buying five bottles of wines that they have to carry for the night

I wouldn’t buy a horrible present, but I’d be tempted to buy an awkward one… my hubby bought me one of those experience vouchers for a 2 night stay the Xmas I got pregnant. We weren’t able to use it while I was pregnant as it was a difficult pregnancy and now we have our baby, so we can’t use it as it’s for 2 of us and I’m not ready to leave her with anyone for that long. We can exchange it for another experience, but it’s becoming a nightmare to sort and it expires in July.
That is the type of present you should buy her. It could be really nice as there are a lot of options, but it could also be a pain in the backside.

also, it’s not work which management know about so it hasn’t been given to me, this person has given it to me without their knowledge or agreement and if they had known, they would have made them sort it out not me

So you take the issue to management. Instead of wasting time and energy on petty retaliation, just act like an adult and speak to your line manager @Hookahchakkah

man

I don’t get why you’d get disciplined by your managers, if the task isn’t done by your colleague when hes still here. If the not done task is left on your plate when he goes - surely they’d blame the ex colleague and they’d be supportive of you taking this on, and trying to resolve whatever it is? I wouldn’t be taking on any tasks not assigned by management but instead by peers, unless you usually work this way? I would be going to
management now and being clear, that this work has been assigned to u, ex colleague won’t tie this up, thus leaving u with lots on your plate. Get them to sort this. It’s not all on you.

Grow up. You never know when this person might come back into your life as a new boss or in law or who knows what

Someone did this to be once handed over a project that was suppose to be at say end stage 4 oof a process with 5 being the one we handed over on. Turns out though that the entirety of stage 3 had just not been done and we had 2 days to complete stages 3 and 4. It was tough but it got done and actually has been useful both in terms of how I was seen but also used it in interview examples.

the error was very much known as hers but I got the credit for sorting it

tell management and get it sorted
get them a decent gift it is not your money to be petty over

You don't sound nasty so much as very annoyed, but the extra information you've given here makes it even more essential you escalate the issue around this specific piece of work to management, so he is made to finish it by someone in authority.
Beyond this, I think you've taken it on board that you can't get your revenge by buying something awful/inappropriate for his leaving present (using other people's money) which is a good thing.
Get this resolved via the appropriate escalation route and go to his leaving do and enjoy it! 😊

Edited to change sex of your colleague (I assumed it was another woman!)

Can't you just copy the correspondence to management and ask them to sort it out?

Ask someone else to organise the gift.

Or get them a tortoise.

no do not buy tortoises as gifts. They require very specialised care and suffer horribly if they don't get it.

Very childish of you. Have the courage to say what you want to say directly and take your work-related issues to management if necessary.

Passive aggression is moral cowardice.

Why are taking on the task of cleaning up this person’s shit? No one has asked you to. Not the person who is leaving or your manager. Just ignore it all. No need for you to be driving anywhere to sort anything out. Let the shit hit the fan. Get the leaving gift you’d planned and send colleague on their way professionally.

Box of tasting beers. Massive!

YABU.
The work that hasn't been done properly and the gift are separate issues.

Why haven't you spoken to a manager about the work issue?

That's just childish behaviour. He still works for your boss, so let him know the situation. That way they'll discipline him and will be aware if it impacts you in any way.

Grow up.
Speak to management like an adult about the situation.
Don’t waste other people’s money over your feelings. Ask someone else to take over sorting the gift.
Don’t go to the leaving drinks with a sour face. You’ll look like a dick.

YABU. You’ve got on with them really well for two years, have talked outside work and been friends. Now they’ve been forced out of their job, and are acting out of character and by the sounds of it taken lots of their stress out on you. So yes, that’s not fair, but you could try to understand what they’re going through and give them some support rather than seeking to punish them. Or at the very least just act professionally rather than like a petulant child.

The extra work thing is a red herring. Just talk to management, tell them this has been passed this to you and you can’t do it because of xyz and that you need abc to be able to complete the task.

horrified that I sound nasty! I

you must blunder through life OP

It's never reasonable to do stupid, childish, passive aggressive shit. If you don't want to do anything for that person, say so, say why and give the money to someone else.

I feel this is somehow relevant

hand off the responsibility to someone else for the present and leaving drinks.

The other situation regarding the work that needs doing sounds so very dodgy and their is obviously something underhand about it or you would have no problem escalating it to management.

This person is not going to do that work and they will not be your friend after you leave, so if you're holding out hope for then then have a word with yourself.

Speak to your boss, buy a voucher with the collection. Neutral and no emotion involved. Sign the card 'good luck in your next role'.
I have made some good friends from work situations, but more often than not the friendships don't last.

I rather think the point is the person who is leaving has done that, and is attempting to dump it on the OP.

I get the idea @Hookahchakkah , buy a 'nice' gift that is a pain in the arse, ie something impossible to carry (giant cactus in a heavy pot)... rather than something actually horrible (bag of elephant shit)... but more adulty posters than I are right, it would potentially upset the other people you still have to work with and if its that annoying to the offending leaver they may well drop it in the nearest bin on their way out the door.

I'd formalise the conversation about this work/error by email then fwd it to relevant people if not sorted.

I was once in a work situation where there had been a walkout and the company was forced to close its office in the region as all the clients followed the staff. The management team took all the staff and started something new - and the old employer ended up unhappily transferring the lease to the new business as it was the cheapest way out of the lease. The old employer sent a lovely accountant who had to sit for several weeks in an office at the (new) business, wrapping up the old company. He was unfailingly polite and pleasant. I once remarked on this to him, knowing that it must be a difficult situation for him and he said “people always remember you for the last thing you did”. Maybe remember that OP.