Who should go to A&E with child - mum or dad?

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not me, a relative:

DC1 is 6 y/old - told by 111 to go to A&E - stomach pain (he’s usually very tough), but has been in agony all day, crying for his mum who has just got home from work. Dad has been at home with him (WFH but taken emergency parental leave)
DC2 is 12 months - still very attached to mum during night. Will settle with dad but would take longer. Mum would worry a lot if not at hospital with DS1.

both parents work full time and alternate sickness days. Assuming nothing serious it’s mums turn to take tomorrow off work and dad will go to work (ideally on site tomorrow)

which parent should have taken DS1 to A&E?

Mum

There isn’t a right or wrong answer here. Dad will be more than capable of going to hospital or stay at home with the 1 year old. And I’m sure whichever parent was left at home would be worrying, not just mum.

Mum

Dad has taken him - apparently didn’t want to be at home with the Velcro baby….

Whoever the ill child has asked to go. It’s not about who would worry as both parents will it is about the patient and what they would like.

I would have thought Dad should have taken him as soon as 111 said to go as he was with him but if going tomorrow and it’s mums turn the mum.

Don't think there is a "should" in those circumstances. It isn't that black and white.

Mum

The couple of times we’ve needed to take our dc to the hospital we followed their lead. It was obvious which parent they ‘needed most’ (for want of a better expression) on each occasion.

First priority is whoever the 6 year old wants, second priority is logistically what's the fastest.

It really doesn't matter, but on balance probably Dad, as he can answer any questions the doctors might have about his symptoms/behaviour today better, and having the younger kid with the parent he settles best for also makes sense.

This is an unusual situation and what matters is both kids have a parent there, so maybe all the adults should think about the 6 year old and put their personal opinions to one side. Mum can’t be in 2 places at once and I’m sure dad would worry about unwell child if not there too.

Mum because Dad has to work on site tomorrow and they might be there late. However annoyingly I've found in the past that children's ailments are taken more seriously if dad takes them.

The one the child would want most is the best answer.

Generally dh goes for ourkids as we find medical staff occassionally have an in built misogyny which goes 'mum = anxious' wheras 'dad = it must be serious so we will look into this'

Mum, on the basis of it being mums turn to be off work tomorrow and the possibility of a long night in A&E, dad needs to sleep before work tomorrow.

No right or wrong answer, assuming both parents are equally competent

• mum may be exhausted from work and a trip to a&e can be very long and challenging, whereas dad has been at home and can probably give a more accurate description to the medical staff about how the 6yo has been.

but if dad has to go to work the next day having been up for hours overnight in a&e then that will be pretty tough on him.

If the 6yo wants his mum then that may help make the decision.

Well, I doubt either are getting much sleep. In the circumstances, I think I probably would have sent Dad.

Whoever the child wanted most. In this case it sounds like mum.

There is no right answer - in my family mum would have taken DC1 because that’s who DC1 wants when they’re hurt or sick and DC2 would’ve just had to lump it, but it’s up to each family.

The only wrong answer is “Mum and Dad and DC2 all go”, but so long as it’s just one parent I think either should be capable of dealing with it, both are going to be tired, both are going to have a bit of a shit evening and it’d probably come down to DC1’s preference if they had one.

Whoever has the best knowledge of the child's symptoms behaviour and activity since they started to feel unwell.

A good point about Dads being taken more seriously though….

This is absolutely the case. My DH took DD once and received a level of service I’ve never known in my life. He was brought drinks and DD was given a private room with tv.

that’s the only time he’s taken one of our 3 in 14 years and I’ve never known anything quite like that. She was given antibiotics and sent home, not even anything serious.

An unpopular opinion but we’ve had similar and we all went. Older child wanted mum, baby needed mum… I hope all is ok.

It doesn't matter which parent takes him

Honestly I don't think its something to quibble over, there's no right or wrong parent to take your child to A&E and you can always swap later if he gets admitted

The ideal of course would be that they all could be together but if that’s not possible, it makes sense for Dad to go to hospital with tbe 6 year old: you can explain to a 6 year old why Mum has had to stay at home. Plus Dad can answer all the questions about what has happened during the day as PP said. You can’t explain to a one year old why Mum has gone.