Who should go to A&E with child - mum or dad?

[NameChangedSpring25]

not me, a relative:

DC1 is 6 y/old - told by 111 to go to A&E - stomach pain (he’s usually very tough), but has been in agony all day, crying for his mum who has just got home from work. Dad has been at home with him (WFH but taken emergency parental leave)
DC2 is 12 months - still very attached to mum during night. Will settle with dad but would take longer. Mum would worry a lot if not at hospital with DS1.

both parents work full time and alternate sickness days. Assuming nothing serious it’s mums turn to take tomorrow off work and dad will go to work (ideally on site tomorrow)

which parent should have taken DS1 to A&E?

The parent who is best suited to advocate for the child - the one who would say 'no, it is not normal for him to feel this way', 'no, I want a blood test, this is not just 'probably viral'. Basically, the one who is not going to be in awe of the personnel there.

Doesn't really matter, although I'd say that dad should have taken him sooner and mum either swapped with him and he then took baby home, or mum stops by and picks up baby.

When mine were little dh took dd2 a few times when ds was a baby. When I didn't have a baby to feed then I normally took them, but that's because I was at home.

As long as one of you goes with him surely it doesn't matter?

Dad’s been home with him all day and therefore can give a better report of symptoms.

Dad has been with the child all day so will have better knowledge of the symptoms/sequence of events than mum who hasn’t been there all day.

I would probably prioritise the unwell child in this situation and send whoever they are asking for. Dad would have to suck it up. Hope your little one is ok.

Sadly, Dad.

It's the only way to avoid 'Oh, you're just anxious, have you had help from your GP for that?'.

Mum

What a daft question.

What would it matter ?
Why is it playing on your mind so much ?
Who are they to you ?

I'd say there was a bit more logic in Dad taking him as he is the one who has been with him during the day so will be able to answer questions about symptoms and any tried treatments more accurately, but there is absolutely no "should" about it.

i do agree that dads seem to have a different experience in hospital settings.

the one time I’ve taken my child… I honestly can’t put my finger on it but felt really judged about being a single mum. And this isn’t me imagining it because I’m not a single mum - they had made an assumption based on I kept correcting them over dcs surname which is different to mine as I hadn’t changed it when i got married. As soon as mentioned a husband the attitude changed. Maybe people will think I imagined it but I really felt that way!

You are unreasonable to assume there's one right answer and unkind in presuming your husband picked whatever he picked out of laziness (Velcro baby vs A&E long queues).

Dad because he's been with the child all day and will be able to fully answer questions.

I don't get why dad didn't the child sooner, but waited an entire day with a child in agony, as you say.

We send dad most times unless need is obvious as Dad is a vet so talks doctor language and sadly is more likely to be taken seriously by doctors even if he wasn't...

So I've done broken ankle, broken finger and Lego up nose, DH did broken ankle follow up and weird signs needing investigated...

Yep my kids went through a super accident prone phase - Lego was a half asleep accident by a normally sensible child, other 2 were sports injuries...

Surely this is the only answer! The child chooses.

I think the fact that the question needs to be asked indicates that Dad needs to step up.

Both kids should be as comfortable with Dad as they are with Mum.

For trips to hospital my husband would take them usually as he is a doctor and can advocate for them better. But if it was overnight in hospital I would stay as both my children would prefer me.

In this case dad should go as he's been there all day and can give a more accurate history of what's been happening.

Should? Whichever is more convenient. If my eldest needed A and E when small I’d need to leave a breastfeeding baby. No sense.

I had to do it as mum cos he fucked off already when he was 6 months old.

It's just what you do.

That's life.

Why is it an indication that the dad needs to step up? The dad went to A&E and OP seems annoyed by that.

Because both the 6 yo and the 1 yo are defaulting to Mum as the main parent.

6 yo is hurt and wants Mummy, 1 yo needs comfort and wants Mummy. Why do both children have an automatic preference for Mummy?

It tends to be me (Dad), but we give our daughter the choice.

Obviously neither and you should post on the internet to see what a group of random strangers think. Who in their right mind even thinks to post about this and doesn't just get on with looking after both children???

Assuming they are both reasonably capable adults, either parent would be fine.