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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should go to A&E with child - mum or dad?

138 replies

NameChangedSpring25 · 20/03/2025 18:42

not me, a relative:

DC1 is 6 y/old - told by 111 to go to A&E - stomach pain (he’s usually very tough), but has been in agony all day, crying for his mum who has just got home from work. Dad has been at home with him (WFH but taken emergency parental leave)
DC2 is 12 months - still very attached to mum during night. Will settle with dad but would take longer. Mum would worry a lot if not at hospital with DS1.

both parents work full time and alternate sickness days. Assuming nothing serious it’s mums turn to take tomorrow off work and dad will go to work (ideally on site tomorrow)

which parent should have taken DS1 to A&E?

OP posts:
ForeverPombear · 20/03/2025 21:40

I'd say Dad because he's been with DC all day so knows what he's been like all day and can answer questions.

Flaskfan · 20/03/2025 21:43

Had this when ds had an accident as a toddler. It was a full on, screaming, potential to scar emergency. I was bf a 9 week old. There was no real time to think about it.
Dh took him.

Annascaul · 20/03/2025 21:46

Of all things to be nit picking about when you have a sick child…

Londonrach1 · 20/03/2025 21:48

Dad as he seen child during the day and knows how child is. No right or wrong here. Hope dc is feeling better soon

DingDongAlong · 20/03/2025 22:02

No right answer.

I tend to go regardless as I'm not too emotional so can keep a clear head. DH tends to be more caught up in the emotion. He's much better at dealing with an upset/worried sibling at home than I am. We try to play to our strengths in a crisis.

Pickled21 · 20/03/2025 22:09

Does it really matter as long as one parent is there? There isn't a right or wrong and neither patent should feel guilty or blame the other.

I was at work when my ds had a fall at school and had to go to A&E. It would have made more sense for dh to take him as wfh already. As it happened I took him because i spoke to ds who wanted me. I stayed an hour though allowing them to find a replacement so patient care was not impacted. Dh needed that time to collect dd's but had it been an immediate emergency it would have been up to him to take him and I would have left as soon as able to.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/03/2025 22:14

I thought it didn’t really matter reading your post - fairly 50:50 on the “should”.

Perhaps Mum because Dad working on site? But then I could see the merit in Mum being with the baby who prefers Mum.

If Dad was taking him, why didn’t he do it earlier?

Telepathickitty · 20/03/2025 22:14

Regardless of the logistics, I always used to send my kids to the GP or A&E with their Dad because I cottoned on pretty early that if I took them it would be pegged as "anxious mum" and if he took them then something would actually happen eg referral/medication/them being properly checked over.

Scarlettpixie · 20/03/2025 22:15

I am not sure there is any ‘should’ about it. However probably Dad as he has spent the day with son and can say how he has been more accurately.

Chungai · 20/03/2025 22:16

nocoolnamesleft · 20/03/2025 19:13

The one who has been with the child whilst they've been ill. It's so much harder to properly assess a young child when the answer to every question in the history is "I don't know, I've just picked him up from the other parent".

That's a very good point.

Chungai · 20/03/2025 22:18

Telepathickitty · 20/03/2025 22:14

Regardless of the logistics, I always used to send my kids to the GP or A&E with their Dad because I cottoned on pretty early that if I took them it would be pegged as "anxious mum" and if he took them then something would actually happen eg referral/medication/them being properly checked over.

Yep. Same with school meetings.

JLou08 · 20/03/2025 22:28

It doesn't matter. If your child is ill enough to go to A&E you just figure it out in the instant, not disagree over which parent should go. I don't remember any discussion when my DD needed to go to hospital, I called 111, they said A&E, I told DH I needed to take her to A&E, he gave her a kiss and cuddle and off I went with her whilst he looked after DS.

Peacepleaselouise · 20/03/2025 22:36

We’ve had similar situations and honestly it really varied. Neither is the easy option. But if one of us really wanted or didn’t want we would tell each other and decide as a team.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 20/03/2025 22:46

Well unless I had a newborn I would go to hospital no matter what. But that’s because I’m better in such a situation,

chattyness · 20/03/2025 22:51

His dad should have taken him asap then swapped with mum as soon as they were able to as it was his mum he was crying for.
When I was little I got rushed into hospital via ambulance and my dad came with me, mum stayed at home with my siblings, but I was so glad I wouldn't have wanted my mum there.

Lauz841 · 21/03/2025 09:29

I'm very surprised to see a number of people suggesting that they would take the entire family of 4 off on a trip to A&E, including a 1 year old. A&E is super busy, you could be there all night, taking up twice as many seats as necessary. Not to mention the risks involved in taking a perfectly healthy 12 month old into a hospital filled with people who are sick and have touched everything. I would be avoiding at all costs.

Sofiewoo · 21/03/2025 10:19

Lauz841 · 21/03/2025 09:29

I'm very surprised to see a number of people suggesting that they would take the entire family of 4 off on a trip to A&E, including a 1 year old. A&E is super busy, you could be there all night, taking up twice as many seats as necessary. Not to mention the risks involved in taking a perfectly healthy 12 month old into a hospital filled with people who are sick and have touched everything. I would be avoiding at all costs.

Really? I’ve seen basically no comments saying this.

CarpetKnees · 21/03/2025 17:30

DownwhichofLate did yesterday teatime-ish @Sofiewoo

Vynalbob · 21/03/2025 18:15

In this case dad....as he'd seen the symptoms
IMO

Jumpers4goalposts · 21/03/2025 18:54

Often with the lengthy waits if we need to go to urgent care me and my DH will take turns. So I’ll go and spend a few hours there and then we’ll swap over.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer.

Avoidingsleep · 21/03/2025 20:32

There isn’t a right answer here. It’s whatever works best for the family.

TBH in our house Mum usually goes as Dad struggles more with hospitals and mum is calmer in an emergency/ stressful situation. But Dad will go if needed.

MustWeDoThis · 21/03/2025 21:02

NameChangedSpring25 · 20/03/2025 18:42

not me, a relative:

DC1 is 6 y/old - told by 111 to go to A&E - stomach pain (he’s usually very tough), but has been in agony all day, crying for his mum who has just got home from work. Dad has been at home with him (WFH but taken emergency parental leave)
DC2 is 12 months - still very attached to mum during night. Will settle with dad but would take longer. Mum would worry a lot if not at hospital with DS1.

both parents work full time and alternate sickness days. Assuming nothing serious it’s mums turn to take tomorrow off work and dad will go to work (ideally on site tomorrow)

which parent should have taken DS1 to A&E?

Both of them should have made an effort to take him! Even if it meant dragging baby along. It wouldn't have killed any of them.

Lulu49 · 21/03/2025 21:38

I'm taking this that mum should go because she doesn't have to go to work tomorrow whereas Dad does and we all know that A&E can take HOURS and if admitted to hospital little sleep will be had

Dawnb19 · 21/03/2025 21:46

Depends on the child. My children want me when there tired or poorly and they want their dad for fun and when they are scared. Also my partner works more than me and works away or nights so I'm best for organising gp, dentist ect so will know what to say to the doctors.

Badgerandfox227 · 21/03/2025 21:50

I would say dad as he’s been with child during the day so know symptoms and what has been eaten etc. Either way, both parents would worry.